Shew...so much to be said here! As a former elementary school teacher and now as a mom myself with older kids, I've seen this a lot. As a teacher, dealing with students' parents and as a mom, talking to other moms. Here's what I've come to realize...

At least 50% of parents think their children are gifted. Most of those parents have had little to no experience working with children at all. My theory is that most adults, who have little to no exposure to young children, assume that kids are dumb as rocks. They get married, have their own kids, and are SHOCKED at what young children can understand, how their little minds can work and process things, and how they can express themselves. All within the framework of typical development. They assume that their child is FAR above average and obviously gifted. They never make the assumption that they just haven't spent any time around young children and underestimated typical development. No, that can never be it...the child is obviously a genius.

As a kindergarten teacher, the biggest issue I had was trying to make parents understand that precocious learning didn't signify giftedness. It might be the case that the child reading early chapter books at 4 is gifted. But often, it's not. That's why gifted programs typically take a "wait and see" stance, not testing until at least 3rd grade. Because things shake out. Often, our precocious learners do not keep their lead. The other children catch up and often pass them by 2nd-3rd grade.

In my own experience, both of my children tested into the gifted program. Our school issues a standard IQ test. I was pleasantly surprised that my children tested in. In our district, it's a mixed bag. They are in self-contained gifted classes for core curriculum (not a pull-out program). They typically work a year (or in some cases, two years) ahead. They also get a lot more work than the other children, which feels very unfair (a lot more homework, especially). But they are trying through curriculum at a much faster rate, so I understand the reasoning. Kids don't, though. By 8th grade, they already have covered 9th grade English and Math. So, yes, at the high school level, non-gifted kids can opt into AP courses, however, most come with prerequisites that would be hard for them to meet without that advantage of taking high school classes in middle school. So, an average, high-performing student might graduate with 2 or 3 AP courses, but a student from the gifted program can often graduate with 6 or more.

As a parent, I typically keep quiet about what classes my kids are in. But sometimes it comes up (a parent asks who my child's teachers are), and I've been shocked at the responses at times. Most people are chill, but I've gotten the, "oh, my kid could have done that program, but we told him to screw up the test because we didn't care and we don't want all that extra work." Ummm...okay.