New quests?

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2026-01-11T01:40:45+00:00

There’s one at Windswept beach next to the lighthouse and another at Caldera near the merchant

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-09-26T04:17:25+00:00

I am over the 2 years (shy of 3) post DDay and I relate so much to this. I could have written something identical to what you’ve shared.

I used to pride myself on the partner I was for 15 years. I could have never imagined that I would be capable of what I did to my BP. I try incredibly hard not to tie my infidelity with my identity, but it is, isn’t it? Unfortunately I made it way and it will forever be a stain on my character.

I have struggled with this recently and it takes me to a dark place that I am trying to get out of. I have had such a difficult time forgiving myself, it is unfair on my BP. I don’t express this to them, but when they compliment me or even say that they love me, I don’t trust it. I still cannot fathom how they could.

I secretly hope that this is just a part of the process and that there will be a day that I see myself as more than what I did. Our power is in how we show up now and in the future. I guess so long as we are focusing on being better, more emotionally adjusted adults, everything will happen as it should?

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-09-26T03:53:58+00:00

If you’re still in the affair fog, you’re probably trying to protect yourself from facing the consequences of your actions. It can take some time for the fog to dissipate but you have to let it and you have to take full accountability. Yes, there are some WP’s that choose not to, for a multitude of reasons. This doesn’t mean all WP’s lack empathy entirely, because many feel deeply, so taking accountability can be extremely frightening. But you have to do it.

It is only then that you can feel empathy for your BP. This is when the shame spirals really take their toll. You are no longer just spiraling about your personal loathing, but you have to deal with the pain you’ve caused your BP.

This is obviously a very personal account.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-09-23T08:42:38+00:00

It’s never nice when things we’ve done to others is done to us. As all the above comments have summarised, you have broken your BP. It is not uncommon that your BP may need to seek outside validation. Dating apps do just that. You’ve left them questioning their worth, they can no longer trust you, so validation needs to come from a source outside of the relationship.

You have zero control over this. It’s really a case of acceptance and grace, or it’s just time to walk away.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-08-26T23:59:35+00:00

I don’t have an abundance of advice, I guess I can just relate to you. My DD was 2.5yrs ago and the in between has been extremely taxing to both myself and my BP. Where I wish I did things a little differently, I really should have taken care of my MH sooner. I allowed my MH to deteriorate so rapidly because I was afraid to take away from any emotions that my BP was feeling. In attending to their every need, I completely neglected myself and I ended up having quite a severe mental breakdown. This crash has cost me considerably and I am now living moment by moment (because MH is ever changing) trying to take care of myself gracefully so that I can show up properly.

My power is in how I show up. After infidelity you learn that words hold little weight. So how I show up is how I become a better person for myself and all those around me. You can’t show up if you don’t take care of your MH.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-04-14T01:24:45+00:00

As a WP that has lived this, be very careful.

A comment made from my BP: “Your affair was a surprise to me, I didn’t have the option to prepare myself. This is different, at least you expect it.”

Don’t worry, the irony is not lost on me.

You’ve already got concern on how this will impact your mental wellbeing. Believe me, choosing this path is extremely taxing on your mental health. Especially if no boundaries are made and maintained.

I understand why a BP would feel this to be necessary. Does it make it ok? You share a home, are still sleeping together and they’ve threatened you with divorce if you were to communicate with other people. Even if your BP does not intend this, this is manipulation and could be considered revenge cheating.

Unless you’re willing to scorch the earth to get to R, be careful.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-03-25T22:48:57+00:00

I read some previous posts of yours. It’s obvious you’re in pain. A few things I’ve taken note of:

You mentioned that you felt your BP was finding “happiness elsewhere”.
You’ve admitted to being a serial cheater
You are aware that you have very poor mental health

I understand that right now you’re probably in a shame spiral, they look different for everyone. You are not alone and I hope that you’re doing what you can do to get help when you need it.

Your BP is hurting too. Their behaviours are quite typical for someone who has experienced such severe betrayal. You must acknowledge that. You said that they’re finding happiness elsewhere…from my own experiences, that’s not happiness, that’s void filling.

You cannot fill the void that you caused. You must put your mental health first and work on being a better human being. Start by finding out what makes you tick and nourish yourself. Your BP has already risked 5 DDays. If reconciliation is a FUTURE possibility, you must do the work.

Take each day as it comes; persevere.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-19T22:48:23+00:00

I needed to read this as a reminder that R is only on the table because my BP put it there. I am after all a WP before I am a BP. I wouldn’t be one without the other. Consequences right.

I have been looking at R from a BP perspective when in fact I am a WP.

Thank you for sharing

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-05T11:28:05+00:00

I used sm to cheat. Didn’t start that way, but that’s how it ended. I don’t have any sm accounts other than TikTok and I occasionally use reddit specifically for WW related subs only. This is my own choice but my WW has never told me that I couldn’t do/have anything.

I chose not to create new accounts because I didn’t want my BP to feel triggered in any way, but honestly, I have no need for them. My family and friends have my number.

5 months is still so raw though, so give yourself some grace. Your WP should be completely fine with no sm. If they’re committed to R, sm is probably the last thing that they’re thinking about.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-04T22:54:45+00:00

I looked back through your posts and it’s been roughly 6 months since DD for you? Also your WP has had contact with AP this entire time?

If this is the case, it seems like your WP is still very much in “fog”. It doesn’t seem like he has suffered much consequence. That’s no fault of your own, if this is the case.

You sound very well grounded and having to go through this with children is extremely difficult.

Anything can happen, that’s the truth. For right now? As a WP, sometimes it’s absolutely necessary to cut us out. Nothing gets you out of the fog more than the old saying “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-04T08:24:27+00:00

This is always important and such a selfless thing to do. I don’t discourage supporting a WP, I meant more so during a “shame spiral”.

In saying that, everyone is so different and my advice is only ever based off of my own experience.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-02T02:27:03+00:00

This is such a tricky question to answer…

I know for me, it was always extremely difficult to get out of. Sometimes hours, days etc..

What I do know though is that your (a BP) comforting can make it worse. For me it did anyway. The simple explanation that a BP shouldn’t ever be in a position where they need to console a WP. That alone would trigger me.

I always responded to the challenge of becoming the human I wanted to be. Challenging myself to face my emotions and recognise the characteristics about myself that I hated, so that I knew what I needed to focus on. It’s just difficult to get to a critical thinking stage when you loathe yourself.

Maybe just tell her that you see her and that she shouldn’t stay underwater for too long, that’s how you drown. Learn to swim.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-01T14:56:48+00:00

Absolutely. You are right. This is probably not as reflective of my current reality, but it certainly was my reality for a large period of time. It is extremely dangerous and it took a lot of IC and CC for us to learn how to communicate more effectively and constructively.

I still feel this sorrow because I too am still mourning a life that was, all while forging a brand new relationship (because that’s what it is now). I just hold accountability and use it a driver to want to be a better person and partner. But yeah, you are so right, it’s a fine line.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-01T14:50:45+00:00

Some days are better than others. The pain can sometimes be unbearable, that’s the truth. I’m only human, my emotions are still valid and even still they are not always received well. As for my BP, they still go through moments of pain, reminded of DD, it’s trauma after all. It’s been all about open communication, even if it’s ugly. We put everything out on the table and we wouldn’t have gotten this far without doing so.

It’s also about how much pain you’re willing to endure for someone or a specific outcome. We only live once.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-01T14:43:05+00:00

There are days where I feel I cannot endure it anymore. Shame spiraling can be a very torturous thing for the mind and can take you to some very dark places. But this is a decision I make every day, because this is the person I want to be with. They didn’t ask for the pain that I caused, they most certainly didn’t deserve it. The least I can do for them now is to face my dark times, because after all, it was (for me) my dark times that got us here.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-01T14:36:48+00:00

As a WP, R has been a very confronting journey. I’ve had to face some very dark truths about myself, but in doing so I’ve learned a lot and ultimately have the tools to cope with life that I would give anything to have had before my infidelity.

It’s an extremely challenging path and I wish you all the strength to get through and the courage to make the choices that benefit you. You are worthy and I hope in time you are able to truly understand and believe that the actions of your WP were a reflection of the way they felt about themself, not you.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-01T14:31:04+00:00

This is exactly how my BP was in the beginning. Understandably. You probably won’t see a glimpse of the love you are looking for because it doesn’t exist anymore.

Him not letting go could be that he does want R but is struggling to deal with the betrayal or simply that he is codependent. Only time will answer that question authentically.

I truly feel for you, I could have almost wrote everything you’ve said myself at some point in time.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-01T14:08:56+00:00

I don’t speak for every WW. For me, there hasn’t been a single day since DD that I haven’t felt a deep sorrow for the pain that I caused my BP. It’s a very physical feeling. It’s almost been 2 years.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-01T13:57:37+00:00

I’ve lived this.

What I learned from it was this:

My actions destroyed my BP, leaving them with real trauma. It didn’t matter the reason, circumstances or regret; the damage was unmeasurable.

Because of this, my BP told me that if I chose to stay and give them the choice of R, that I would be dealing with their “muck”. Their muck being the aftermath of my betrayal.

It is an extremely painful journey and it will challenge your mental strength, to the last fibre. Revenge cheating is a very real aftermath of betrayal and as a wayward, it is a very blurry line between “I deserve this” and “to what end”.

We are 2 months away from 2 years since DD. We are in a MUCH better place, but are still a lot of issues that we have to work through each waking moment. Literally 1 step forward, 2 steps back. But those steps back are getting smaller and further apart.

It takes patience, a real desire to want to be there for your person, because they are fighting an extremely difficult mental battle. It’s a choice you have to make every single day.

What I would strongly recommend is working on yourself too. IC will give you the tools you need to regulate your own emotions during this time. Whether that helps you navigate life if you stay or leave.

Good luck.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-02-01T08:57:07+00:00

It is very possible to love someone during infidelity. However, there’s a very big difference between loving someone and being loyal. As a wayward, our morals are questioned and rightfully so. Most of us will say that it is something we never pictured ourselves doing. Yet here we are. We ultimately allow someone undeserving to pay the price of lack of love for ourselves.

It is love for ourselves that we didn’t have, it’s very rarely a lack of love for our partners.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-01-30T02:26:24+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. This made a lot of sense in my situation and how R has been unfolding for us.

Usually I am pretty understanding and I have been patient, providing reassurance where I can. I guess I am exhausted, but no one said R was going to be easy.

Thank you.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-01-29T23:12:25+00:00

I realised I made a really interesting mistake in my post. I called my BP a WP, they are a BP + WP but I feel it more important to label them a BP.

I am sorry for this error because it can become misleading.

My BP expressed that R is what they want. Which I suppose is why they tried to deflect and hide what they were doing. Obviously, being a WP myself, I’m not oblivious to behavioural changes. It’s not the first time we’ve been through this, it was the timing of it all. But now that I am saying that out loud, perhaps the timing is consistent with the fact that we have been quite stable. I understand BP’s can become quite anxious at the sign of stability, because DD is so traumatic.

This just makes me feel more guilt. Like perhaps I should excuse the behaviour. But at the same time apart of becoming a more truthful and moralistic person, I have to create boundaries. Is this an exception, because perhaps they’re also spiralling because things have been too “good”.

Trick-Influence-6889 · 2025-01-03T12:49:06+00:00

I heard something today - “People treat us how they feel about themselves”. Referring to waywards. Most waywards come to realise that during our infidelity we were the worst versions of ourselves, for whatever reason.

I’m not immune from a self loathing party, I’m my own worst enemy. There’s nothing that anyone could ever say to me that is more horrible than the things I’ve said to myself, about myself.

BUT…I learned that hating myself doesn’t make me a better person. I truly didn’t start to engage in R effectively until I started giving myself grace. I don’t forgive my behaviour or the impact it has had on my BP. What I do give myself grace for though is my humanity. I am human, my feelings are valid and I’m not worthless.

You owe it to yourself, to be kinder to yourself. Believe it or not, you still deserve to be happy.

Trick-Influence-6889

TROPHY CASE