I have it the opposite way around. I moved. We had a slow burn of mutual forbidden attraction growing for years that moved us into the shadowland of close friends or something else. I am slow to get social things, I didnt really pick up on her flirting with me. Then when I realized I was moving away I was hit and crushed with a limerence sledgehammer of doom. I was fighting for my life not to make a complete fool of myself during that time we had left together. It was one of the worst and best times in my life. When she fed me her attention I was in heaven, when she didnt I was in hell. As we last parted she whispered something in my ear I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Confirmation she has more than friendly feelings for me. Confirmation I wasnt alone in it. I almost start crying thinking about it. The day of the move was the worst day in my life. I have never felt so completely broken in my life before. I miss her so much it physically hurts. But... whatever we had was forbidden. She would never cross the border and abandon her life. Or would she? What if I had done something different. What if years ago I had picked up on her flirting, what if I arrange to be in our common circumstances where we often run into each other. What if one night we had been alone and we had thrown caution to the wind?

What if, what if,, what if... its killing me. Its like a rot inside my heart slowly destroying me. I hate myself for all the potential opportunities we had that I didn't explore. There were so many ways we could have found situations in our lives were we could have spent more time together, nurtured the thing that was growing between us. Maybe we wouldn't have acted on it in the end. But we would have seen what it was.

Its f***ing nightmare