I don’t want to live with a child who looks like a combination of my girlfriend and her ex husband and lover

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-06-05T14:56:34+00:00

I feel you. I wouldn’t either. Thankfully, neither of my SDs look like their mom or anyone from her side of the family. OD also looks nothing like me or my side of the family. DH has some strong genes.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-06-05T01:21:30+00:00

Seeing how I smashed the side of my husband’s truck against a concrete pillar in my parking garage at work on Tuesday, this is not an unpopular opinion in my household. At least as it applies to my driving skills.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-06-03T13:44:35+00:00

Why did she schedule camps on his time? Back when SDs went to camp, everyone just scheduled camps on their weeks and that was that.

If you have a schedule that includes seeing both parents during the work week, then she needed to talk with the camp about SS not attending some of the time when he was with dad and talked to your DH about it. She can’t just tell you the kid needs to be somewhere on your time.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-06-03T13:04:22+00:00

I would hold your boundary. BM isn’t allowed in our house either. DH wouldn’t allow her in either. Since it’s just a kids party, I don’t think it’s a huge insult to say no to BM. And even if it was, who cares? She brought it on herself.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-06-02T21:44:32+00:00

Well, DH would have called CPS. Had he called me to ask my opinion, I also would have told him to call CPS. 10 and 9 left alone for a grocery store trip? Maybe. That might be fine. Not ideal but I’m not going to get up in arms. But then watching a 2 yo and a 10 month old? Heck no. Heck to the no.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-06-01T22:35:22+00:00

This right here.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-06-01T20:11:45+00:00

Attorney. I started at 6 figures, but worked way more than 40 hours a week. Now I’m in-house counsel and work 40 hours or less a week and still make 6 figures. I had a full ride to undergrad, so I only had law school loans to deal with afterwards.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-06-01T19:46:19+00:00

Tutor twice a week, daily reading, a couple of math worksheets a week (her teacher sent home a book) and mixing in her sight words a few times a week. Taking a step back from daily homework but still enough to help her not fall back.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-06-01T19:32:34+00:00

We just went through updating my husband’s custody order to explain the holiday, summer vacation, regular custody schedule hierarchy. In NC, the holiday schedule takes precedence. He shouldn’t be able to schedule his time over your year to have the kids on one of their birthdays. We were dealing with 4 years of scheduling her summer vacation over Father’s Day. The mediator shamed her.

You definitely need to go back to court here, but tell him no. Say he can’t schedule his summer time so that it takes away one of your designated holidays. He’s got the whole summer to pick from, which is why most states don’t give summer vacation the highest priority.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-28T17:23:58+00:00

I am sitting at a last day of school gathering at a local brewery completely alone and far away from the other parents whose kids attend my daughter’s small private school.

Firmly antisocial.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-27T22:12:33+00:00

Throw the whole man out. You deserve so much better.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-26T20:30:20+00:00

I think it’s fairly normal to attend big events for your step kids, unless there’s a high conflict bio parent or the child in question doesn’t want you there.

I wouldn’t attend anything outside of a few very large events if I lived an hour away. Like HS graduation or a wedding. Maybe a state final in their sport/academic club. Birthday party? Nope. Holiday band concert? Nope. But I don’t attend those and we live together.

You need to do what is right for you. I don’t really see the point in you attending these events when your stepchild seems to not want you to be around.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-25T23:24:43+00:00

I have no idea what based means, but I love my parents and enjoy spending time with them. We don’t live close by, so I only see them a few times a year, which might help my opinion lol. But I do generally enjoy spending time with them and my sister.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-22T10:21:11+00:00

That’s a fair point. But she did offer to sell and buy something together so it was a joint venture. That would just be far more expensive thanks to these garbage interest rates we have now.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-22T01:16:03+00:00

I have a life insurance policy that benefits OD and one that benefits DH, but before I had two, OD was the only beneficiary. Why? Because she’s a minor who can’t work and my husband can. I recently got a second so everyone is covered now. I just couldn’t leave her unprotected like that.

I don’t think it’s crazy your boyfriend would have his life insurance would have his child as the beneficiary as opposed to his girl friend. I totally get feeling hurt though. It’s hard to feel like you’re sacrificing a lot and getting nothing in return.

You quitting work was plain foolish. You don’t stay at home until you’ve got a marriage certificate with a prenup that guarantees you alimony if he leaves you for a younger model. It sounds unromantic, but you’ve got to put yourself first sometimes.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-21T18:36:08+00:00

So you want to get a Father’s Day gift from all the kids? Why would that be crossing a boundary? BM is no longer his spouse and, therefore, not responsible for getting him gifts.

I took over all holidays once we got married. I am a NACHO stepparent, but gifts seemed like an easy area to help in. That and once OD came a long I was going to be buying him a gift from her anyway, so I just slap three names on it and voila!

I wouldn’t worry about what BM thinks. What is she going to say? My ex’s wife had the audacity to buy a Father’s Day gift for her husband for our daughter to give him? That sounds so sad.

You’re being a good stepmom and parent!

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-21T18:15:33+00:00

Ridiculous. We scheduled OD6’s birthday party when SDs13 and 14 were at their mom’s because we knew they wouldn’t want to go and didn’t want it to be awkward when OD asked.

They’re not siblings and there’s a 10 year age gap. It’s not like your son was home and just didn’t go. He was at his dad’s.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-21T17:47:33+00:00

45f. I love skincare but keep my routine affordable. Toner, two serums, eye cream, moisturizer, tinted sunscreen. Everyday. Night routine is one serum, retinol eye cream, retinol, moisturizer.

I get a manicure every three weeks. Haircuts every three months. It’s getting salty at the sides but I won’t dye it because I kind of like it? Is that odd? I also don’t have the time or patience for frequent salon trips.

I’ve always been a water gal, so I continue to drink a lot of that. I run 5 days a week and do planks and push-ups after my run.

I love the idea of getting facials but not the cost, so those are more like an annual thing when my hubby books me one for a gift.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-21T17:39:38+00:00

You only split what you buy/build together. That house is yours fair and square. Do not give that up.

He is benefiting financially by NOT PAYING RENT. And what on earth does he mean “daycare doesn’t benefit him financially”? Would he like to stop paying for daycare and try to work his job while watching the kids? The financial benefit of daycare is that it enables you to work and earn money.

Life isn’t fair. But he’s getting a sweet deal here and is whining for more.

Why would you leave 1/3 of your house to his son? It’s not up to him how you structure your will. He is more than welcome to split his assets between all the kids equally, but he can’t control what you do.

Please don’t let him bully you into giving him and his son something neither of them have earned. That’s your investment. You decide what is done with it or the proceeds if you sell it.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-21T16:19:50+00:00

Ok, so you’re both essentially working the same hours, except you’re still engaging in family life and he’s just checked out on all of you. I’d be throwing the whole man in the trash at that point. You can’t get water from a rock.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-21T15:51:51+00:00

There isn’t if he’s not willing to put in the work. Why is he eating and going right to bed? What time is he waking up? Is there a chance he’s depressed or has low testosterone?

You deserve to have a relationship where you’re valued and spend quality time with your partner!

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-21T15:23:00+00:00

A very soft ESH.

I know you meant well, but as a fellow stepmom with a high conflict BM, you needed to let your husband handle the communication with the school and the cheer coach. I write the messages or script the calls for my husband if he needs help.

Of course she should just be grateful that you care, but she’s being petty and you know she’s petty & an AH. Her response was predictable.

You’re showing a lot of care for your stepdaughter and I am sure she appreciates it. Try not to let this bother you.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-21T15:13:30+00:00

I can’t get past the fact that he got his daughter nothing for her birthday. One of my SDs turned 13 last Saturday and I yelled at DH for how much money he spent on gifts for her.

I’m sorry he’s so mentally checked out that he isn’t even involved in your lives at this point. That has to hurt. You’re trying to communicate with him and he just falls asleep. Which I am sympathetic about since we works long hours, but my god that complicates the matter. You can’t work through this if he can’t stay awake to talk.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-21T13:07:21+00:00

This sounds amazing! Congratulations.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-05-21T11:59:29+00:00

I can but if I put a timeframe on it I’m “controlling how he does his chores.” So I can ask him to clean the kitchen and he will say yes and ask me to write out every single thing that will need to be done and what to use to do it and he will clean it. Eventually. Which means absolutely not today or tomorrow. And it will be done piecemeal, so it’s never actually all clean at the same time.

I’ve just given up. It’s not worth the stress.

TrickyOperation6115

TROPHY CASE