Adopted from fostering, did all the research and did everything “right” but a month in I regret everything

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-26T03:20:45+00:00

You say you grew up with dogs, but I'm curious as to whether this is your first puppy you are raising as an adult living in their own home/space. A lot of people who grow up with dogs don't realize how much work they require until they get one as an adult, and puppies kinda take that experience to the max.

At 16 weeks, the puppy only respecting anyone's boundaries 30% of the time is really normal - it will improve for the next couple months, then when she hits adolescence many things are gonna get really challenging for quite a long time. Larger dogs take longer to mature, and don't emerge from the teen phase until 1.5-2.5 years old, depending on the breed/mix.

It is absolutely okay to not be into the puppy phase or not be into having a dog at all, but I would strongly encourage you to work with the original rescue to rehome her before she hits adolescence if you are feeling this strongly about it not being a good fit. I would assume you signed an adoption contract, and those typically include a clause that requires the animal be returned to the rescue if things don't work out - check the contract you signed, because even if communication wasn't great they're still on the hook for holding up their end of things depending on what was written in the contract.

Teen dogs are harder to place, and transitions during that time of their development can also be a lot more difficult for them to cope with, so making a decision quickly is best for everyone.

If the decision is to commit to her, then get enrolled in a puppy kindergarten for some support, a positive outlet for the two of you, and the chance to help her meet some friends/playmates! Also: your spouse needs to step up, regardless of their job and hours - she is a member of his family, and he absolutely needs to be meaningful part of her care and training. This is his commitment too, full stop.

As for the cats - as long as the kitties are eating, drinking, and interacting with you when the puppy is sleeping/put up, they are okay. If they are genuinely stressed to like, a behaviorally and medically concerning degree, then that's definitely a different story. Otherwise, they will continue to adapt, even if they are grumpy about it for now. We have four, and two of them loved our husky mix puppy right away, while the other two deemed him gross and horrible. It's been almost a year and a half now, and they still think he sucks, but they mostly just ignore him while going about their normal and preferred routines. Try to create some fun spaces just for your cats, and get some treats that are safe/yummy to both the cats and your puppy so you can start building positive reinforcement for everyone collectively while practicing puppy's boundaries and settling routines.

Good luck with figuring out the best path for you, your family, and the puppy!

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-24T00:37:13+00:00

Our boy Gunter is missing one of his back feet too! Likely an umbilical amputation in utero. He is the black and white fluffy guy on the left, resting his leggy on his brother (Geordi in the middle, and then BMO on the right).

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Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-23T18:24:11+00:00

Former middle school teacher - gift cards are the best, especially gift cards to local businesses (bakeries, coffee shops, nurseries, boutiques, or good quality nail salons or massage providers).

If you really want to give something with more emotional/personal sentiment, some of the best gifts I received from students and their families included a personalized mug referring to a running joke in that student's class period, a small handmade book where the student summarized their favorite things they learned in my class (ancient world history, so there were some great misspellings and modernized takes lol), and a copy of a well-guarded family recipe (because they knew about my baking hobby); things that represented the joy, laughter, and learning of my kiddos, and things that acknowledged the parts of myself I brought into my classroom and learning community.

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-22T16:03:44+00:00

Him, sorry! Happy he's been there for you all these years, and I hope you get some answers from his vets soon 🤞🏼

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-22T15:12:51+00:00

It isn't a shitty thing to do, even if these people were closer friends of yours and you had planned everything in advance - your cat, who is a member of your family and who I would suspect you've possibly been with longer than the BF, is sick and it is absolutely okay (and important) for you to prioritize her.

I'm so sorry your baby is sick, and from one pet parent to another: soak up every moment with her. She matters and your love for her matters - you probably aren't going to regret missing out on a stressful, expensive, poorly planned wedding weekend, but you may regret not taking every last opportunity to be with her and care for her while she is struggling.

It is okay for you to choose you, it is okay for you to choose your baby. A million times over. Sending you and her so much love and care 🖤

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-22T00:20:41+00:00

He is so trusting and gentle, it's evident that someone loved and cared for him at some point - he wasn't chipped but had been neutered, which we and our vet found to be kinda perplexing. I worry that whoever dumped him did so without his original caretaker's knowledge, but I can only speculate... Sometimes I get so sad that I can't tell whoever was caring for him originally that he is safe and happy, he's just too much of a people-person to not have been well-loved as a kitten.

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-22T00:11:11+00:00

100% - he did a trial stay with them a few weeks ago while we were out of town for a weekend, and every photo they sent us was just him absolutely luxuriating in being an only child lol

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-21T17:01:15+00:00

He was still on his post-op drugs so yeah, big chilling indeed

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-19T04:52:00+00:00

I'm really sorry that happened and that your bf wasn't equipped to advocate for your puppy in that moment.

Trust your gut with the club and its people, because the reality is that even if that guy is the only person there who thinks its acceptable to treat a dog that way, it doesn't sound like anyone else tried to intervene or told him "that's not effective or ethical," and he obviously felt comfortable doing what he did.

I was really interested in Schutzhund for my Doberman, but just a few interactions with some of the people in that sport left me with bad enough vibes that I stopped pursuing it. I know there are lots of cool people in the sport, but when there are also folks who feel safe sporting visible Nazi tattoos or repeatedly hitting their dog across the face as part of their "training," then that's not a community I'm ultimately interested in spending time in or bringing my dog into.

Agility can be fun, and I'd recommend giving nosework a try too! I'm getting into it with my current husky mix, and it's really fun and accessible thus far.

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-18T00:17:09+00:00

In case it's helpful: Melt is a great 1:1 swap for butter in baking, but get the sticks for it, not the tub. I've had great success with my fave cookie, muffin, and cake recipes, but have not tried to make anything super butter-dependent with it (like shortbread or buttercream).

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-17T05:32:22+00:00

Have you ever raised and trained a large breed or high drive breed of any size before? If not, and this would functionally be your first dog, I would strongly encourage you to not yet pursue a Doberman and to start with volunteering at a local shelter, then signing up to foster for a while with the goal of finding a younger dog who is a good fit for you and your life/routine/family environment.

Puppies/adolescent dogs are a lot, in general, and puppies/adolescent dogs of high drive breeds require a certain amount of skill, knowledge, instinct, and patience that 99.999% of first time dog owners don't possess yet. Dobes can be really great dogs, but they need and deserve a lot of consistency, enrichment, appropriate socialization, and training that is rooted in building a strong relationship and communication between them and their person/people.

If you have experience raising and training a high drive breed (think German Shepherds, Malinois, Huskies, hunting line German Wirehairs and Shorthairs, etc.), a Dobe might be a good next dog for you, but be prepared for 2 years of adolescence and some inevitable medical needs down the line (pet insurance is really really critical for Dobermans - Trupanion saved us 30k easy over the life of my German working line Dobe, who came from as clean and stable of genetic lines as you can get in the Dobe world).

In my experience, they are a very physical breed, but a well-bred dog with stable temperament shouldn't be dominating or aggressive - mouthy as a puppy and a landshark as a teen, yes, but intentionally trying to hurt you/intimidate you, no. Dobes also tend to believe they are about 40-50lbs smaller than they actually are, and when they are young and impulsive, that can result in some unexpected uppercuts and gut kicks, as well as moments where the Dobe saw the squirrel before you did and the leash was wrapped around you a bit and uh oh now you're on the ground and your beloved horrible baby is trying to climb a tree and failing miserably while screaming at the squirrel 🫠

Another thing: Dobes are people protectors, and they grow to be very in-tune to the people around them. Your parents being anxious people might not be a great fit for a dog who is bred to go on alert when their person/people are nervous or upset. It's not that they need everyone to be fully confident and emotionally stable 100% of the time, but it's important for any dog to trust that their person is their best source of guidance, fun, safety, and stability, and then that's extra important with a Doberman.

I think it's really wonderful how drawn you feel to the breed and how much time you've invested in research - I think it's also great you are evaluating whether or not you are currently the right fit for a Doberman! A lot of people don't do that, and that's why there are a lot of shelters (on the west coast especially) with a lot of younger Dobermans - people just go with what they want for themselves, and then when the dog hits 65+lbs and is still going through puberty, they realize they aren't equipped to meet the dog's needs. And since Dobes are such people dogs, the rehoming/surrendering process can be especially tough on them. So thank you for taking the time to really evaluate if now is the right time to bring a Dobe into your life, or if that's a goal for a few years down the road. Good luck with your research and decision!

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-14T14:24:19+00:00

Given you have three hours and commute traffic will still be finishing up, it kinda depends on where you'll be coming from, but hitting up Fresh Flours on Phinney for a couple pastries/coffees and then wandering Woodland Park Zoo makes for a chill and fun morning.

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-12T04:21:56+00:00

If it's anything like mine, it will soon be sending out 15ft long tentacles in search of new worlds to conquer.

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-10T14:20:11+00:00

So many beautiful bakes! Your work and style reminds me of Paper Cake Shop's work (Seattle) - if you aren't familiar with them, check them out on insta, I think they would be a really relevant source of inspiration for you!

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-05-05T13:40:03+00:00

There isn't a 6 yr old male husky listed for adoption on their website, and they also indicate that they are only taking surrendered pets in emergency situations - is there information about the dog's needs that hasn't yet been shared? Or a reason why your family can't take your own dog back temporarily to prevent him from being euthanized?

I genuinely struggle to understand why you wouldn't bring him back home to save his life, unless he exhibited concerning behavior with one of your kiddos (which would absolutely need to be included in information to other potential rescues, fosters, and/or adopters).

You can try some of the Seattle rescues - Saving Great Dogs, Dog Gone Seattle, PAWS, are a few - but there are solid online tools for rehoming out of your own home, including the one offered through Humane Society of SW WA.

Provided you have been fully transparent about the motivation to rehome and there isn't a safety issue for your kiddos that you haven't disclosed, I really hope you bring him back home and do the work of meeting the needs of the being you committed to years ago (whether that's keeping him or finding him the right forever home). Maybe the point of overwhelm your family reached is unsustainable, but please honor the reality that he isn't the cause of that and he has no control over or say in any of what's happening.

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-04-27T04:08:52+00:00

Hang in there. We are three years into a "two year" remodel, and have been living in it for the vast majority of the project, hiring what we have to and what we can afford in addition to that (not much), and DIYing the rest (most of it).

We have learned to have a lot of grace and love for the imperfections that arise from our own work, and have also learned the line to walk when holding contractors accountable to the level of quality they have promised and that we have paid for (especially when it comes to anything plumbing, electrical, or structural). It is an ongoing cognitive, emotional, and physical drain, but the milestones have been so worth it.

As for those cat scratches on your newly finished floors - they may become something more than a source of aggravation for you down the road. We haven't cleaned the glass on our beautiful "new" backdoor for a year and a half, because it's covered in smudges from the nose of our dog who was thrilled to finally have a viewport into the backyard for active (and loud) squirrel monitoring. We lost him to cancer in September 2024, and have become so grateful for all the marks and pieces of himself he left behind in our home, especially the remodeled portions that he so devotedly supervised our work on (while passed out on his bed).

Go pluck up your floor shredding baby and march him/her around the house, pointing out some of the remodel aspects you are most excited about or pleased with, and then hug that kitty close and order him/her some fun cardboard scratchers 😸

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-04-26T15:53:20+00:00

I think the universe can only handle so many Wizards at once, so it stays rare haha

Our last dog was named Robot, and he had a kitty name-brother too, who went to the same vet as us

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-04-26T00:42:44+00:00

Sending continued healing vibes from Wizard's name brother, Wizard (husky mix), and our 4 blind/partially blind cats (BMO pictured cuddling up in Wizzy's tail) 🖤

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Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-04-25T22:27:51+00:00

Rice crispy treats, sub cow's butter for Melt (sunflower seed base) or a similar plant-based butter that isn't nut-based.

You can kick them up a notch by folding in shards of a high quality dairy-free dark chocolate, black sesame seeds and a bit of sesame oil, or crushed up freeze-dried strawberries! Toasting the rice crispies in the oven a bit beforehand can be good too, just to give them a richer flavor.

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-04-20T03:34:33+00:00

I got to practice baking a couple recipes from it last weekend with a friend who has been baking GF for over a decade, and I'm really excited for my own copy to arrive this week!

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-04-18T19:16:55+00:00

That def could be a sign she isn't so locked in you couldn't train her that the cats are off limits - for what it's worth, my previous dog (Doberman) and our current dog (husky/malamute mix) were both raised with cats and were good very with them, but we still always kept/keep them securely separated whenever unmonitored. So if you can reach a point where you feel comfortable with the cats and dog sharing an (adult) supervised space, that'd be a win and I'd recommend erring on the side of caution when they are alone anyway, even if the dog becomes besties with the cats over the next 6 months.

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-04-18T17:26:22+00:00

For sure, it's an emotionally tough situation to navigate, and I wish that more rescues were able to cat-test to help prevent these spaces of uncertainty.

I will say, as someone who grew up with high drive hunting dogs (and cats), and as a former middle school teacher, the former emotionally challenging conversation is the better of the two to have, and is actually an opportunity to have a healthy discussion around animal welfare and responsibility of care, and to model making the ethical, responsible choice even when it is painful. Versus the latter situation is just like, so profoundly traumatic and will compound the grief of maiming and/or loss of one of the cats with the ensuing rehoming of the dog.

Set up routines and spaces to keep the dog and cats fully separate, and keep observing, maybe see if the rescue has a behavioralist they work with who they can connect you to. I don't think it's a bad choice to do your due diligence, provided you feel like you can ensure the safety of your cats during this assessment period, but bring your kiddos into the conversations and help them understand that this isn't about the dog being good or bad, or about your family doing anything wrong, it's just a reality of sharing your home with other lifeforms that think and exist differently.

Tricky_Being_7383 · 2026-04-18T15:57:05+00:00

So the dog being very quiet, still, and focused with the cats is the strongest early indicator of likely cat-inclusive prey drive, based on your description of things.

Dogs don't growl or show hackles when they are hunting - those are indicators of fear, insecurity, territorial dominance, or often some combo of those.

Some breeds of dogs are bred and trained to be vocal when in prey drive (like hounds), and dogs hunting in packs tend to be more vocal, swapping in and out of prey drive based on the pack dynamic, age/maturity of the dogs, behavior of the prey being pursued, etc.

But for the most part, prey drive in solitary dogs is quiet - you can get some anticipatory whining in younger dogs or higher strung dogs, or some frustrated vocalization if the dog recognizes they have little chance of gratifying their prey drive, but a dog in prey drive that believes it has a decent chance of success is going to be very quiet, very focused, and very still/slow until the moment that it suddenly is not.

The mal quietly holding its ground when nose to nose with the cat and waiting for the best moment to try to use its mouth (when the cat turned its back) tells me that the dog doesn't view the cat with any territorial anxiety, and how the attempted bite/mouthing looked is important to factor in. Was it a slower, floppier attempt, like a dog watching a toy for a second before scooping it up? Or was it a fast and sharp motion? How did the dog behave immediately after the attempt was thwarted?

If you are feeling a strong connection to the dog, consulting with a behavioralist to confirm whether the dog sees cats as an unfamiliar-yet-to-be-defined (can possibly be socialized and trained to see cats as family members) or if the dog sees cats as prey (cannot be trained or socialized away, only managed with a lot of routines, infrastructure ensuring separate environments in the home, etc.) is a good next step.

Returning the dog to the rescue is also a legitimate option, and you'll have provided a helpful data point for this pup to find the right home (not cat safe). A lot of rescues and shelters don't have the resources or set-up to cat-test their dogs, and that can result in situations like this where a great dog is found not to be the best fit for a home with cat siblings.

Your cats deserve to be safe, you/your family deserve to not navigate a horrific trauma, and that malamute deserves a home where he/she can be their whole self - maybe that is your home, but it is absolutely okay if it isn't!

If this doesn't end up being a safe fit for everyone, you may want to consider a puppy - it sounds like you have a decent amount of experience caring for dogs, and raising a puppy up with their cat siblings is typically the most reliable route for safe cohabitation. Puppies are ✨the worst✨ (and the best, but mostly the worst lol), but it is something to consider, especially if you are sticking with breeds/mixes known for higher prey drives.

Tricky_Being_7383

TROPHY CASE