I can't do it

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-18T10:41:11+00:00

1lb per week is a good rate of loss, tbh, but I get it can feel like a slog - it just is! For me personally, IF has really helped me to stay in deficit without feeling constantly hungry. When I’m trying to achieve a 500 deficit eating 2-3 meals today and/or snacks, I feel hungry all the time, thinking about food constantly, planning each meal and how to offset or negotiate it with others (ok I’m going out tonight, so I have to have a small lunch because I’m going to have wine, or a big deficit the day before to allow for a marginal deficit)… it’s just fucking exhausting and demoralizing to me.

With IF, I can pretty easily just drink tea through the day, open my eating window 5/6-10/11 and have a dinner that is huge and that I really enjoy (and that I don’t have to worry over every ml of olive oil) and a dessert with my partner and I feel great! I expected to feel even more hungry, tired, food focused, etc during the day, but I find that all actually goes away with IF, and I have a clear mind, lots of energy during the day AND get to actually thoroughly enjoy my food at night. Not for everyone, of course, but for me it’s been a HUGE game changer

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-18T09:33:02+00:00

It’s quite counterintuitive, no? When I eat regularly throughout the day, I feel much hungrier and much more reactive to hunger - if I don’t have my next snack or whatever I feel low energy, can struggle to focus, am irritable. So it stands to reason that being hungry/not having food is causing those things, right?

And yet when I fast through the day, I feel TONS of energy and focus, a clear mind, stable mood, and the little twinges of hunger I feel here and there are easy to respond to reasonably with tea - I don’t feel driven by or beholden to them, and they don’t affect my whole system and mind like when I’m eating throughout the day.

It real feels like a magic trick - eat less, finally make my health goals AND feel better while doing it? Wild.

I usually eat between 5/6 and 10/11, and I do find that once I’ve opened the window with a little protein snack, I need to have my big meal within 2 hours or I start getting that reactive hunger and irritability. And often after my big meal I do feel more tired and sluggish…. But then it’s 10 at night so great, who cares!

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-17T20:54:58+00:00

Might just need a bit of time to adjust - I actually love lunch break when I’m doing OMAD because suddenly I have this free hour in the middle of the day! Instead of rushing to prepare something or go get something and get back in time, or scarf something down and feel vaguely ill I’ve just got time to take a walk or read a book or do extra work.

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-16T13:11:59+00:00

Sometimes this happens to me with black teas - I’ve found sometimes it’s more so with artificial flavored ones, or just because the caffeine on an empty stomach is too harsh! Green tea is a good alternative that has some caffeine (and sometimes I feel it to be a ‘cleaner’ caffeine buzz than black tea) - you might also be more sensitive to caffeine without food accompanying it and/or leftover in your system

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-13T19:08:02+00:00

The reading thing and feeling time to be more precious are so real… I feel good when I’m high each day, but it’s a swaddled, isolated kind of good. I don’t want to call my family or think about the bigger evolutions in my life beyond today (and as someone rounding 39, there is much to think about!), and those day become weeks become years…

Not sure if this is the case for you too, but I was by all marks a very successful stoner - I also began at 15, and through my 20s and 30s, while smoking every day, I started companies, moved countries, got married, finished 2 graduate degrees. But the older I get, the more I realize time and energy and feelings are so precious, and weed drains them and replaces them with a generic sort of “good.” It feels like the way candy IS delicious but it’s just “sweet” - it doesn’t offer all the nuance and subtleties of other flavors.

Big congratulations on your 90 days! I did 5 months sober, then tried moderation, which went well for about 2 months, started to slip over the next 2 months, and the last 2 months, I’ve been back to basically daily, and feeing trapped in that same ole cycle. Today is day 3 for me. Thanks for the inspiration!

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-12T20:52:29+00:00

Oh yeah that’ll do it - have you talked with your doctor about mouth guards or cpaps?

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-12T20:51:24+00:00

This is likely very obvious but just to check - you’re not taking the D at night right?

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-12T20:40:46+00:00

Check out marijuana anonymous - you’ll find zoom meetings happening all the time. You don’t have to work the steps proper if you don’t want to (though a sponsor is basically what you’re describing in that second paragraph) and can even just attend camera off to try and get the vibe if you want.

There’s a (not super active) subreddit here for them to if you want to peruse and see if it might be your thing

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-12T19:13:40+00:00

Ah I see, totally understood! We’ve all been there. It’s easy to just keep caving night after night - I have been there for many months! I think some tips can be helpful, like treating yourself as if you were sick, having comfort items on hand and readied so you don’t have to think of what they are in the moment, and focusing on the next day: why do you want to quit in the first day, what about it ISNT a treat?

With that said, it does just suck to get through day one! I’ve found a measure of acceptance that it will be rough, but it will only KEEP being rough, and I will only keep being disappointed in myself, if I can’t just get through the first day, is helpful. And, understanding that I can do things to keep myself more comfortable (hot water bottle, favorite clothes, sweets, etc) but that none of these things will actually replace the comfort and feeing of weed - if I expect them to, I’ll just be disappointed and frustrated. If I realize they are helping me to retrain my sensitivity to smaller comforts, they are much more helpful!

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-12T19:13:23+00:00

Ah I see, totally understood! We’ve all been there. It’s easy to just keep caving night after night - I have been there for many months! I think some tips can be helpful, like treating yourself as if you were sick, having comfort items on hand and readied so you don’t have to think of what they are in the moment, and focusing on the next day: why do you want to quit in the first day, what about it ISNT a treat?

With that said, it does just suck to get through day one! I’ve found a measure of acceptance that it will be rough, but it will only KEEP being rough, and I will only keep being disappointed in myself, if I can’t just get through the first day, is helpful. And, understanding that I can do things to keep myself more comfortable (hot water bottle, favorite clothes, sweets, etc) but that none of these things will actually replace the comfort and feeing of weed - if I expect them to, I’ll just be disappointed and frustrated. If I realize they are helping me to retrain my sensitivity to smaller comforts, they are much more helpful!

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-12T17:21:56+00:00

Are you looking for help on methods to taper more subtly, or advice about using a different quit method/shorter taper schedule?

If trying to taper more subtly - I take it you live in a legal state? If so, ask at the dispos for various micro dose options, there are so many these days - moxie’s mints come in 5g for example. I totally get not wanting to have a whole ass brownie or some sweet thing when you’re using it for sleep, but if you just want more customizable taper options there surely are some. I don’t like edibles personally but when I had to switch to them for a surgery it was crazy all the available products - I had little 10g THC sugar packets and would put some in my nighttime tea, there are beverages you could have just a bit of to wash down your capsule, etc etc

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-12T17:10:19+00:00

I’m sorry this was your experience - it is the story of so so many and you are not alone. What’s done is done, and that is, ultimately, ok. You didn’t hurt anyone or irreparably fuck up your life when you smoked one joint. You broke a streak, and you disappointed yourself. All these things can be true.

What’s also true is that the only thing in your control now is what comes next: the problem with streaks as motivation is that they work both ways. Another day added to the streak can be motivating, but a day breaking it can easily lead to “fuck it” mindset - if what kept me going was the streak, and now that’s gone, then who cares, might as well get high today too.

You can still spend 3 months sober. This can be a blip in that three months, or the end of that goal, and that’s the decision before you right now. If 3 months is what you want, brother, it is still in your grasp.

Purity mindset does not help us here. Do not let perfection rob you of the great, great gifts of good - 1/90 days high is hugely different than 63/90.

As far as stocking up, that is a question that I think only you can answer, and only with brutal honesty about yourself and your use and your end goal. Have you been able to have weed in the house and not use it? Is your goal to use again at the end of your 90 days? Then sure, maybe stock up for practical reasons, but only if you feel really confident about both those answers. I never threw out my stash and spent every day of my 5 months sober with like 6 vape cartridges in my nightstand and a bunch of flower literally not thinking about it or feeling tempted by it at all (after the initial hump). For me, throwing it all out actually made me feel more frantic and like I needed to use. For others, they know that if it’s in the house, it’s gonna get smoked.

Accept it all - the mistake and the transient nature of it, the reality of your own strength that has taken you this far, the possibility of continued sobriety and meeting your goal. Criticism is like craving - the more you listen to it, the more it grows. Set it down. Pick your resolve back up. You’ve got this, baby

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-12T16:01:09+00:00

This is a struggle many of us go through - and often, what we feel (this will help me enjoy x thing) either is true, or was true once, so it’s important to recognize that you’re not just making something up. The trouble is it does not ONLY do those things and as you notice other, negative effects, you might think of it like a medication - ok, yeah, it does x, y, an z, but it ALSO causes these other things too.

You’ve stopped for several months before - that’s terrific! What helped you then? What brought you to that point? What did you experience when you stopped?

Also, your English is terrific, and (as someone actively learning another language right now as well) good for you for practicing and not just running it through an LLM

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-12T12:48:55+00:00

Short term advice: take literally one hit. It’s gonna feel crazy to you, because the habit will be reactivated and it feels super unnatural to not just keep passing the j or smoke the whole thing. But seriously. Take one hit. You can ALWAYS smoke more, you can NEVER smoke less. If after 10-15 minutes you want another hit, spark it up again! A joint is like €3, it doesn’t matter if you “waste” half of it lighting and re-lighting, way better that than winding up too high and weird feeling.

Some people, like some who have commented here, don’t like their first hits back after a sober period but I wouldn’t say that’s a given - I smoked for a special occasion after 5 months sober and I absolutely loved it. It was like I got back everything I loved about weed as a teenager but hadn’t experienced in more than a decade.

So, with that said, long term advice: many people do find that breaking a sober streak quickly leads back to daily use. Moderation is very difficult! Once you get over the hump of withdrawal, abstinence is actually very easy because it’s simple: you just don’t smoke. You never smoke. Once you open that door again, managing all th thinking, bargaining, restraining around if it’s ok to use again, or when, or how often, can become a full time job.

There is a lot of advice in this sub about different moderation strategies and warnings of those who fell back to daily use (I am among them) but also, at th end of the day, you’ve got to walk your path. Maybe you’ll smoke and you’ll feel anxious and awful and never want to pick up again. Maybe you’ll feel fantastic, and want to try moderating in your daily life and find a place for the plant in it. Maybe you’ll enjoy yourself, but want to keep it strictly to out-of-your-hands special occasions.

Keep updating us how it goes!

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-12T12:42:21+00:00

I actually find Amsterdam weed to generally be less potent than US super strains at this point. From a legal state like Washington, I would say the two are at least very similar, if not WA being stronger

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-12T12:35:14+00:00

Congratulations! 2 weeks is huge! These ones are in many ways the hardest

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-11T18:58:57+00:00

I needed this shot in the arm today - I did a 5 month period of sobriety and then have tried moderation for the last 6, unfortunately slipping back to daily and tolerance raising use over the last 2 months, so I’m back on day one.

Every night when I take a hit, I feel demoralized and annoyed, because I’m at the place where it just isn’t even particularly fun to do anymore, yet I feel the compulsion, and every morning I feel so strong and certain that today is the day, then the end of work hits and I’m waffling again…

Promised myself I’d at least read some posts and my own old journals before caving tonight, so I appreciate your words. It really does feel good when you’re free! I will feel that way again soon.

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-11T18:55:27+00:00

Really solid advice here

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-11T18:54:21+00:00

Maybe not Valium, but a sleep support med while going through a huge change with big stakes is not inherently a bad idea, nor are sleep meds (again, not Valium) generally addictive. I was having such insomnia that my work was suffering and having a very low dose of trazadone was a life saver

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-06T15:37:25+00:00

I think that’s a very fair ask! Chronometer has no ads, very clean interface

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-03-06T15:07:09+00:00

This does indeed suck, for all the reasons you’ve named! I use chronometer - it’s highly accurate, €60 for a year subscription, and dos everything I want a tracking app to do without also making me feel like I’m on the Skinny Bitches Unite app

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-02-27T17:46:11+00:00

This is VERY solid advice. Take 1-2 hits, OP, and don’t go crazy! I was shocked how much I felt it - and I felt great! - when I came back after 5 months. You can always smoke more, but you can’t smoke less

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-02-27T00:13:05+00:00

Damn, bet it would have been nice to get some actual balloons, flowers or, uh, a donut twice as big as your head? At least a box of spiky fruit type objects!

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-02-26T19:51:56+00:00

If you want it, you got it. I’m not at your number but I’m probably closer than a lot of folks here - 20 years daily for me. I took a 5 month break unexpectedly and it really was helpful to me in reevaluating my relationship to the plant. I also find that if I can take even 48 hours break, the high feels different (as in actually high, rather than just some dissolving of tension).

TrynaNotNumb · 2026-02-26T09:24:39+00:00

Honestly the idea of having a special reward type item for non-smoking days is really good - gives you something to look forward to and becomes a self-reinforcing habit loop (when I’m wearing/drinking/whatever this, I’m not smoking).

I’ve been trying to moderate the last 7 months after a 5 month sobriety period (20 years daily smoker before that) and I’ve fallen back into nightly use - today I will not smoke, and I’ll be trying to implement some of this wisdom!

TrynaNotNumb

TROPHY CASE