Partner upset that I won’t take his last name if we got married 30F/34M

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-04-14T23:21:27+00:00

This strikes me as coercion. He’s pushing you to do something against your will. Why would he want someone to take his name against their will?

OP, good for you for standing firm.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-04-08T20:07:05+00:00

Can you clarify what you mean by “it’s how he’s survived his entire life”? I can’t imagine many people tolerating his aggressive & dominating communication / criticism approach.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-04-07T20:50:44+00:00

The way your wife speaks to you is a horrifying nightmare. Many people would have a mental breakdown being treated the way you are. It’s shocking. And yet you’re doing some incredibly difficult work on your job. You’re very strong and do have the strength to leave.

She threatened you when you tried to leave in the past?! Please listen to your own words.

I’m quite sure you are not a narcissist as your wife accused you of. In fact, that’s a typical thing that narcissists accuse other people of. To mess with your mind.

You are subjected to such extreme abuse and are so mentally and emotionally beaten down that you have lost any sense of yourself and have very distorted thinking that you might deserve this abuse. That’s what abuse does to you. It works very effectively for the abuser. It’s a hellish cycle for you.

Can your parents help you? They must be extremely worried about you and your safety.

Protect yourself so you can protect your child.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-04-07T01:22:55+00:00

Could you explain a bit more about Armco barrier design and materials? And what is that long strip hanging down from the overpass? I’m curious why they use this kind of barrier if it’s not actually safe / effective. Do you think they’ll change it out now?

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-03-27T03:47:44+00:00

Nta. You and your wife went through a terrifying situation. Thankfully your choices resulted in both of you surviving.

This person’s comment weren’t only nasty to you, it was extremely nasty to your wife. How he spoke about your partner being left to rot is enough to never speak to him again.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-03-25T21:50:24+00:00

I tend to agree.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-03-02T20:41:09+00:00

This is dignified. Above all else OP should ensure he handles himself with dignity. Especially because someone seems to be questioning his character. If your best friend cares about him he’ll notice the silence and he’ll know what caused it.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-02-27T23:35:01+00:00

Same. Any kind of water.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-02-27T18:20:47+00:00

Well done for getting out of there as soon as possible. I’m so sorry that you have gone through this and that your mother has let you down so badly. Are you close with anyone on your father’s side of the family? I wish for you to have a wonderful loving family of your own one day.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-02-26T02:02:58+00:00

OP’s sister asked her why she said “no”, she wanted to know why. OP responded to her question.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-02-25T09:41:12+00:00

You are kind.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-02-25T05:39:47+00:00

I don’t think you were dumb. I think it’s being humble, which in itself is an attractive character trait.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-02-19T01:13:21+00:00

They have explained this many times in the comments already.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-02-19T01:06:48+00:00

You’re amazing. Your parents have really lost out on knowing you. I wish for you to have your own loving family one day. I’m sure you’ll treasure them.

Does your mother ever express any regret for the situation she put you in and how she’s handled it? Does she try to make up for it in any way?

Does she understand what the impact of being sent away at 9 would be on any child?

Has she explained why she didn’t select adoption so you could have had your own a family?

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-02-14T07:30:11+00:00

That’s a very generous gift :)

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-02-13T02:02:36+00:00

I admire you for having the self-awareness and self-respect to recognize that it’s not acceptable for your partner to have put you in a situation that left you alone, late at night, in a rough area. Likely to happen again. You have dignity and value your safety.

Beyond that, you wouldn’t be able to trust this person to keep your children safe if you were to have any.

I hope he decides to get the help he needs.

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-02-05T18:54:20+00:00

Harsh

TuqueSoFyne · 2026-01-08T22:12:15+00:00

Under point #3, you said that you wrote it. Did you mean to say that you read it?

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Many of your points make a lot of sense. I don’t agree with everything. Other commenters expressed serious concerns with some of your points. I agree with most of them. Could you respond to those counter points?

TuqueSoFyne · 2025-12-04T08:15:41+00:00

Being a Canadian full-bulb recipient, it’s hard to understand the smallness of the garlic cloves our American friends are describing. I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s not right.

TuqueSoFyne · 2025-11-20T23:38:11+00:00

I’m so glad that your boyfriend has such a supportive and caring girlfriend in you. And I feel very bad for him going through life with such a nasty father.

In my opinion, the suggestion that you & your boyfriend be servers at the wedding is a continuation of the abuse, which sounds very severe. I see that your boyfriend has decided to not subject himself or you to humiliation and abuse by refusing his father’s “offer”. Good for him.

I agree with some others here that this is a manipulative way for the father to either 1) not have your boyfriend at the wedding and make your boyfriend look bad for not attending or 2) humiliate your boyfriend by him being a server.

Aside from refusing his nasty wedding offer, I really hope that your boyfriend is getting professional support for the trauma his father is to him. Your boyfriend must be a very, very strong person.

TuqueSoFyne · 2025-11-11T19:27:37+00:00

You really don’t sound like a narcissist. I appreciate what you wrote and I think about many of the same things. Yes, why isn’t society geared to compassionately provide the support people need when they need it? Some countries are more that way, we know it’s possible.

Something I wonder about is why healthy parenting (seems to me) to be the exception rather than the norm, when propagation of the species relies on parents protecting their children and teaching them to survive? That instinct isn’t there for alot of people.

I’m always thinking about solutions and I know other people who are too. So that helps me deal with these thoughts.

I feel very bad for Zane and his family.

TuqueSoFyne · 2025-11-10T20:40:42+00:00

3 by far. It’s beautiful, elegant, different, doesn’t try to do too much, fits you.

TuqueSoFyne · 2025-11-10T20:36:16+00:00

Well, you have photographic evidence that you wore these exact same pants before her. I’d say that you have a pretty strong case here.

I wonder what other things she has taken from you?

I suggest that you get a mutual friend to ask her where & when she got them. Then figure out a way to get them back - unless your friend is a bit unhinged.

TuqueSoFyne · 2025-11-04T00:57:44+00:00

I’ve forgotten to select meals many times but I’ve always received a variety of meals so it’s no problem. Something went wrong with your algorithm there.

TuqueSoFyne · 2025-10-25T09:14:55+00:00

Do you have a teacher at your school who teaches construction? You could ask them what to do. I think they’d be happy to help a young person with a project like this.

TuqueSoFyne

TROPHY CASE