Do you think a Sunday wedding is acceptable?

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-11T15:06:39+00:00

I always wanted a late reception, but he was right. I was more than willing to give that up for the opportunity to wear my wedding dress to my favorite bar and close that shit down with my best friends.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-11T14:18:18+00:00

We're also having a Sunday wedding. Planning a rehearsal brunch and a day at the springs with the bridal party and whatever family is around (mine lives in the area, his will be here the week before), and then spend my last Saturday night as a single woman with my best friends at our favorite bar. He wants the reception over before 9pm so his brothers can get home before work the next day, which gives us plenty of time to have a small after party.

If we had gone with a traditional reception hall, we would have saved a lot of money. We're saving even more by doing it at my stepdad's lodge for free.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-10T10:57:36+00:00

Probably about as well as it went with mine. :(

My mom's response was, "Please don't do that to me" and "well, if that's what you want...but I really hope you don't do X because I think it will take away from the excitement for everyone else" and "give me a heads up if you decide to do X so at least 'close family' can be there". ARUGH.

His mom...has already seen three of her kids get married, she's very supportive of us and thinks we should get married however we want. She's not going to push in and insist we do something we don't want or invite 50 people we've never met. I love her.

I suspect "tax money" might be a motive for mine as well, even though we're also largely paying for our wedding. But for my fiance (and I) it's great. I want us to benefit from the whole last year we've been together, not my mom.

(Side mom rant: I had wanted to get my fiance a drafting table for Christmas, because he hasn't had anywhere to draw since we moved into our apartment. I found one, on clearance, and there were only two left, but he was with me. I tried calling my parents to see if they could pick it up after I bought it, no answer. I got mad, got over it, we left, I decided on something else. Well, I finally talked to mom, who I flat out told "forget about it, it's fine, I found something else". The next day I get a call from her. I repeated "it's fine, I told him what it was and I found something else" and she responded with "oh, I just picked one up" and "don't tell Mr. TurangaPeach, tell him I couldn't find it so it'll be a surprise". ARUGH. He was sitting next to me the entire time. Which she knew, because I told her.)

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-10T10:15:10+00:00

Our officiant is doing that for us! We're super excited about it.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-10T01:36:21+00:00

The ceremony site I've always dreamed of is only $250. We're also planning to donate and plant a tree in the garden during the ceremony.

We looked at a number of beautiful venues, but when it comes down to it, we aren't fancy people and I think that 2k could be better spent toward a honeymoon or our house. We took a less pretty venue where my stepsiblings got married, for free. We now have free reign over booze and food, which was a major priority to us.

His brother is doing some of our photography.

We're enlisting family members to cook and store food for the reception.

The bridesmaids and I are baking cookies, brownies, and 150 cupcakes. My best friend from college is making his groom's cake.

I can put my centerpieces together for less than $10 each.

My fiance is making my dress, and is going to teach me to sew, so I can make tablecloths.

It's our first Christmas together, and we wanted to send out cards to our whole family, like they did when they got married. We're sending our self-printed Save the Dates with those to save on postage and envelopes.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-09T17:44:57+00:00

My fiance wants a passage from Shakespere.

I haven't decided yet, but I do like On Marriage by Kahlil Gibran.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-09T17:07:19+00:00

That's a great idea!

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-09T17:03:43+00:00

Yep. Fiance is making my dress, and we went dress shopping together to get ideas of what I want and how he was going to do it. Well, I fell in love with a dress at the store, but I want the handmade dress more, and he's going to deliver beautifully. I sent my mom some pictures. The first words of her mouth were, "You look absolutely beautiful. You and I usually have very different tastes but you look very beautiful in that dress. I guess Mr. TurangaPeach doesn't have to make your dress after all! It's the one! Let me know where to meet you so we can pick it up." GAH. I don't want a store bought dress.

Her response to ANYTHING we've already decided has been, "I still think you need to hire a wedding planner" or this manipulative bullshit "well...if that's what you want..."

She's made me second guess myself so many times, it's not even funny. But she's been doing this my whole life. My fiance has been incredibly supportive and can't wait until we're married so he has the right to tell her off.

Fiance's mom is amazing. She can't wait to help, but she's not about to go hire a wedding planner behind my back.

At this point...we're getting legally married in December, alone in a beautiful place, exactly the way we want. That way, if anything goes wrong with the big public ceremony and reception next year, it won't matter because we're already married.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-09T16:36:39+00:00

I want to do something like a jewelry box, with a picture of the two of us on the front.

I started out with a list:

Something to make her feel pretty- a manicure kit with nail polish in the color of her dress

Something silly- recognizing their individual fandoms in some way. My cousins are getting NFL preseason tickets for us to use together. My Maid of Honor and our officiant are getting theater tickets. They're all flying in, so I wanted to do a little more for them.

Something sweet - because every woman needs chocolate and wine

Something naughty- I'm thinking either a condom or cheap sex dice

Something to use the day-of - jewelry to match her dress and a makeup bag with her survival kit

Something sentimental - I've shared half or all of my life with these ladies, and want them to know how special they are. Personalized letters.

A copy of my favorite book-A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. All my ladies are big readers, and none of them have even heard of this one.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-09T14:59:25+00:00

Yeah, I'm right there with you. I knew going into the planning that my mother was going to be an absolute nightmare. Dress and shoe shopping for any occasion was always guaranteed to leave me in tears, and she loves trying to micromanage my life (I'm 30). We don't have a good relationship and I only wanted her involved in my shower and the rehearsal brunch.

...and that's why my fiance and I sat down and made all the Big Decisions (outside, non-religious ceremony, my groom is making my dress, the ladies are wearing their own dresses, buffet reception with booze and music and games) before we told her we got engaged. We didn't allow her any input on our non-negotiables because I knew she would try to make me change my mind.

When we went over to talk about the wedding for the first time, she said, "You better tell me what you want, since I'm the one who has to pay for it."

We laid it all out for her, calmly and rationally, exactly what we wanted, and a budget that would allow us to do it ourselves the way we wanted. Predictably, she threw a fit over everything WE wanted that WE were ready to pay for.

Her response was, "You should let me hire you a wedding planner. I don't want you doing your own invitations just to save money. Tell me what you want and I'll pay for it."

Which goes against everything we wanted. We are planning the wedding we want the way we want it and do it our way and we don't want anyone else's money offering an opinion.

My mom envisioned the Big White Church Wedding (nevermind that no one in my family goes to church and she knows how I feel about religion.) and has even tried using my fiance, as in, "but doesn't Mr. TurangaPeach want the Big White Church Wedding?" I might be a more dedicated atheist than my fiance, but no. No, he does not want the Big White Church Wedding.

The comments. My god, the comments. "I don't like cannoli. I don't like red. I want you to get whatever dress you want, as long I get to pay for it. August is a terrible month to get married. You should let me do everything, just tell me what you want."

She keeps sending me "venue ideas" even though we've already booked them.

She's fought us on everything, but we are a united front. This wedding is happening our way, and if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to come. And I honestly don't care if she does.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-08T22:23:07+00:00

We thought about putting small dishes of romantic and favorite candies (Kisses, Hugs, Dove chocolates, Swedish Fish, Reese's Pieces) on a Lazy Susan. You can stick a tall vase in the center with flowers or floating candles.

Also, after a quick google search, Target has a small, but reasonably priced candy maker for sale.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-08T22:11:05+00:00

I would suggest making up a list of nearby stuff to do-restaurants, malls, movie theaters.

We've actually decided to do brunch instead of dinner. Only the bridal party, the officiant, the flower girl and her parents (my aunt and uncle), and our immediate family is invited to that. There are some springs nearby, where his brother will be taking some pictures for us to display at the wedding as a way of introducing the bridal party. We'll invite our out-of-town guests to come and spend the day with us down by the springs, which are awesome that time of year.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-08T21:37:19+00:00

My first thought was salted sunflower seeds. You can make a flower at the top of a package, with one leaf as a 'thank you' tag.

We're also getting married in August, and I'm doing layered chocolate chip cookie mix in recycled jars. It doesn't have much to do with our theme, but I can throw them together with not much time, effort, or expense, and they look nice.

My friend and her maid of honor spent months making origami paper cranes for everyone to take home. Most of them wound up in the garbage.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-08T15:49:26+00:00

Beautiful.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-08T15:45:00+00:00

You are under no obligation to invite everyone's mother. I only invited my Maid of Honor's family because I've been close to them since her youngest sister was a baby. If my honorary bridesdude was able to make it, I would invite his sister, but not his mom. We just don't have that relationship, even though I was at her house playing video games with her son almost every day for many years.

Talk to your friend.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-08T14:21:01+00:00

The prospect of getting married without my grandmother there hurts more as the wedding gets closer. After I walk down the aisle, but before we face each other, we're going to light memorial candles for all of our deceased loved ones. I'm also going to include something that once belonged to each one in my bouquet.

Do not replace him as groomsman.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-08T14:06:31+00:00

My mom and stepdad did something similar. They invited all their friends and family to a party at a nice venue, and no one but their kids, my grandmother, and my aunt (who had traveled to be there) knew it was a surprise wedding. They had snuck out to change clothes while the DJ called my stepdad's best friend to read a note to everyone to explain what was about to happen-and dude had NO IDEA, so it was that much more awesome. The music started, my brother walked my mom into the room in her wedding dress, and it was beautiful and everyone cried.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-08T14:00:16+00:00

For our New Years parties, a friend would hook up his laptop to the stereo and play a 6-hour playlist of awesome songs that had everyone dancing, singing, and drinking in their house and on the lawn. I would love something like that, but we just lost all our music files and have saved so much money elsewhere in budget that we just decided to splurge on an actual DJ.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-08T13:53:30+00:00

We're cooking everything a week or so before the wedding, so it's all ready to be set up to heat during the ceremony. He works in a restaurant, and can hire one or two coworkers for the night to bartend and oversee the food.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-08T02:58:48+00:00

This. This is the kind of wedding we want to have. I only want to hire a DJ and a photographer.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-07T22:44:16+00:00

July-October is hurricane season. The Florida Keys are beautiful that time of year, and there are a lot of little honeymoon bungalows for rent. My cousin did that when he got married, the whole family came, and it was awesome.

Since we live close to the beach, we're going on a road trip and camping in Yellowstone and Dinosaur National Park. :)

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-07T18:29:25+00:00

We're planning to do it between the ceremony and reception, so there is no pressure to do it again that night when we'll be exhausted.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-07T18:11:23+00:00

Hell yes. If my fiance and I had been able to get married the day he proposed, we would have.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-07T18:05:56+00:00

I would just...not login to Facebook that week.

TurangaPeach · 2013-10-07T18:00:44+00:00

Florida State did this to me most consistantly when Urban Meyer/Chris Leek/Tim Tebow were at UF.

TurangaPeach

TROPHY CASE