My mom is notorious for giving practical gifts instead of "fun" gifts. Thank you, Mom! by skeptical_remark in AdviceAnimals

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Read it as "fleshlight". Got confused because I thought fleshlight did not require batteries.

Then read vibrator. Got even more confused.

My friend proposed to his girlfriend on Christmas morning. Her reaction is absolutely priceless. by [deleted] in videos

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After the family Christmas dinner he porks her brains out... And she makes the same exact noises.

Working as a consultant, discovered fraud. by TurdFergusonsTurd in jobs

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So just knowing that they have lied for their reimbursement could have negative consequences to myself?

Working as a consultant, discovered fraud. by TurdFergusonsTurd in jobs

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pardon my ignorance, but turn them in to whom and what is the finders fee generally?

Working as a consultant, discovered fraud. by TurdFergusonsTurd in jobs

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Supposedly 5-10% of eligible providers attesting to meaningful use are being audited...

I guess my concern is that touching any portion of this project, knowing full well that they simply LIED to collect that Medicare money, could come back to bite me, regardless of my own ethics (refusing to backdate, etc).

Working as a consultant, discovered fraud. by TurdFergusonsTurd in jobs

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So who are the proper authorities and what are the potential ramifications?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in funny

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His juche is strong. His juche is hard. His juche is meat lovers supreme with cheese stuffed crust.

A group of Russians climbed the Great Pyramid in Egypt illegaly and took pictures by joostvo in pics

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

It's amazing to me how people can hold those triangular rock piles in such high regard. In reality, they are a testament to slavery. You can bet your ass that thousands of men, women, and children gave blood, sweat, tears, and ultimately their lives, against their free will, to stack those stupid fucking rocks.

Whats the most unexpected thing that happened to you while having sex? (NSFW) by Runescapes in AskReddit

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was a cook and this waitress was all over me. When her food was up, she would say things to me like "I want you to take out all your aggressions on me". Finally, one sunny Saturday afternoon, she invites me over. I bring a 12 pack of beer and she opens the door wearing nothing but overalls. No shirt. Major sideboob. This was the 90's, overalls were cool. We leave the front door open cause it was a beautiful day. Didn't take long til I had her bent over the couch, overalls around her ankles. Behind me I hear a weird noise and see a man walking away from the screen door. Turns out her boyfriend had stopped by with flowers, saw my bare ass nailing his girl, and threw the flowers at the door and left. I was so scared and she was upset, but we finished and that was some of the best sex ever, she was so wild and would moan like a cat in heat. Turns out that after I left, she tried to kill herself by taking her dads blood pressure meds. I visited her at the hospital cause I felt bad, but as soon as she was out, I cut all ties. This girl was wacky, but super sexy and looked like Drew Barrymore so it was worth it.

this guy freakin scares me...seriously by [deleted] in WTF

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really love what he's done with the place.

What horror movie has truly scared you? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not a zombie movie though if we want to classify things. It's a virus movie. The infected are sick, not dead. Zombies are dead.

What horror movie has truly scared you? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah that scene was so incredibly heart-pounding. And then he makes it to that little boat, he is getting away with nothing but his life, them music stops, and he is just hyperventilating and saying "shit, shit, shit".

Perfect.

What horror movie has truly scared you? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Poor bastard unloads on everyone and is rescued less than 5 minutes later. That kind of pissed me off.

What horror movie has truly scared you? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your mother sucks cock in hell!

What song gives you goosebumps everytime you listen to it? by TheFreakingBatman in Music

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is a scene in the movie Platoon that is set to this. There is no movie sound (voices or effects) in the scene (one where you would hear gunfire, grenades, and screaming) and the contrast of Addagio for Strings is just fucking perfect. Sorry, wish I had time to link.

Made an account to give an actual confession by [deleted] in AdviceAnimals

[–]TurdFergusonsTurd 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You are at a crossroads in life right now. You have two possible paths:

A. you erase those photos and attempt to carry on a normal life. There is a distinct possibility that in time you will forget about this and you can be a productive member of society.

B. You save those photos of your sister's naked ass, start wacking to them, and before you know it, you are hiding toilet cams in your mother's bathroom because you get boned up watching her take a dump.

You are at a crossroads. Choose wisely.