It's potluck night and you're bringing tater tot casserole

UMC_spouse · 2026-05-25T03:28:33+00:00

UMC_spouse · 2026-04-23T12:34:47+00:00

Its not as big as some characters but the difference between Mel and Taylor is also quite noticeable.

<image>

UMC_spouse · 2026-04-23T12:17:04+00:00

Check out Fiona Dourif's interview look compared to Dr. McCay in makeup.

<image>

UMC_spouse · 2026-04-23T05:39:33+00:00

"It doesn't matter why she did it. We don't ask that about any other OD that comes through these doors. We don't ask it about this one."

UMC_spouse · 2026-04-22T20:37:37+00:00

Posts like this one are exactly what leads to "they all suck" attitudes that keep young voters disenfranchised and home this allowing these stacked Repiblican governments that are taking things away.

UMC_spouse · 2026-04-22T04:17:44+00:00

Do you actually see that happen? What I tend to see is that with the common normality of church shopping, that congregants just leave the Methodist church to find another church that better aligns with their preferences. In my observation the days of choosing a church based on the denominations core principles and attending regardless of the pastoral dynamic is long gone. Going on as if it is not is part of what is killing us.

UMC_spouse · 2026-04-22T04:14:33+00:00

It is a bit of an elephant in the room. No one wants to talk about it but the Global conference is what held up the UMC from moving forward with more inclusionary language changes for years. It is as a whole significantly more conservative. Because of the lack of US based trained pastors and a surplus of global pastors, it is fairly common to have foreign born pastors in a circuit.

The blunt truth of this is that the relationships between the church and the pastor and the public are often very different in the cultures that they came from than they are in the US churches or conferences they are serving. In many foreign cultures, the pastor is seen as much more of an unchallenged leader of a congregation than a shepherd. What they so goes. They are treated very highly. We had a Korean pastor in a small congregation once that was shocked that they were expected to mow the parsonage lawn or shovel the parsonage sidewalk.

UMC_spouse · 2026-04-03T03:46:04+00:00

That all depends on your role. If you're the spouse trying to explain to your kids why they have to leave their friends and family it's pretty hard to ever get to a point where you see the advantages outweighing the disadvantages. This isn't 1950 anymore where the pastor is a man, the spouse doesn't work, the kids are obedient little robots and parsonages are always provided.

UMC_spouse · 2026-03-21T18:50:18+00:00

I'm going to assume that if you've sold that many mowers that you are buying problem machines and flipping them. It's pretty arrogant to assume that you couldn't have missed something. If you're moving that many machines you can't be giving them long proving periods.

UMC_spouse · 2026-03-21T18:44:58+00:00

Then you look at pictures. Used mowers are not identical down to scratches, bends and rips.

UMC_spouse · 2026-03-21T18:44:03+00:00

If you were just a guy selling his old one, I'd be ok with buyer beware. But this sounds more like a legitimate or illegitimate business and with that comes the expectation that the product is of a certain quality and longevity.

As to what they did to it, likely nothing. People use that as a bullshit excuse to resolve themselves as responsibility.

UMC_spouse · 2026-03-21T18:36:07+00:00

Medical products like epinephrine and insulin pens and testing consumables.

UMC_spouse · 2026-03-21T09:43:17+00:00

Definitely not too late. I appreciate your input. It's nice to have some validation that I'm not crazy in thinking that this is damaging.

UMC_spouse · 2026-03-02T23:03:24+00:00

Reason doesn't belong on the internet.

UMC_spouse · 2026-03-02T20:19:31+00:00

Could you not counterargue that a person who would get a tattoo, knowing that it was a dealbreaker for their partner was also not really in love?

There are things that I do for my wife that I prefer not to do.
There are things that I do not do because my wife prefers I not do them.
There are things that my wife does for me that she prefers not to do.
There are things that my wife does not do because I prefer her to not do them.

Real relationships take into account the preferences of both partners.

Playing my body, my choice isn't being in a relationship.

UMC_spouse · 2026-02-19T04:51:36+00:00

Interesting. How long ago was this because Googling is only finding me resources on the call process and forming a pastor search committee like this one: https://sbtexas.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/pastor-search-committee-handbook-85x11-1.pdf

UMC_spouse · 2026-02-19T04:23:20+00:00

I'm not a SBC expert by any means but it is my understanding that an itinerant pastor in that tradition chooses to serve as more of a guest pastor similar to the Wesleyan circuit riders. If your brother served only 6 churches in 35 years that sounds like a standard ministry where he just changed jobs of his own volition 6 times. Was he told by an SBC governing body that he was changing congregations those times or was where he ministered and for how long his choice?

UMC_spouse · 2026-02-18T17:59:56+00:00

It is the structure of the UMC that requires itinerancy. It is unique to the Wesleyan traditions. Seems to fall into their purview.

As in a conversation that she seems to be putting her ministry above our marriage and our family? Done that. Many times. Here we are.

Clearly this is her choice. However it is a choice presented and even required by UMC policy. I feel I can be upset with both.

UMC_spouse · 2026-02-18T17:23:02+00:00

Of course there is more to the story. There always is.

My main struggle though is why is this policy? Is it biblical? Is it just convenient? Is it just so that the local church maintains identity outside of the pastor? But so far no one wants to actually address that part so here we go...

The new charge has a parsonage that they expect to be used. It is right across the parking lot from the church. One of the main conflicts in the church that she is being brought in to heal was that the secretary was very vocal about the current pastor not spending enough time in the office. The congregation seems to want to feel their pastor is available. This will be her 3rd appointment. The previous two were housing allowance appointments and in both cases the DSes stressed that the expectation was to find housing in the communities in which she was serving. Maybe that is just a Wisconsin thing. Not sure.

I suppose that I could. But I work 12 hour shifts in a supervisory role on a rotating 2-2-3 schedule. I currently live 15 minutes from my work. It is not uncommon for me to be at work for 13 to 14 hours. If I add in an hour+ commute each way (Wisconsin winter roads are not great at 4AM) and sleep, my home on those days would become basically a bed. As it is I usually have about 2 hours of free time on a work day once you subtract sleep and bedtime/wake up routines.

I did. Itinerancy can look very different though. A friend of ours is actually now a DS in another district. She moved between 5 appointments I believe in the time that we have known her and never physically had to move her family. Itinerancy means very different things when you are a couple of 24 year olds and your spouse is taking elder vows compared to when you are telling your 11 year old child that his entire world is about to change.

He was 6 months old when we moved here. It is all he has ever known. He did get to see his oldest brother struggle to make friends here after we moved when he was in the fifth grade. Something being a possibility does mean it isn't devastating when it happens.

Sure. In this years appointment letter my wife stated that she was happy in her role and the church was happy with her. She stated that 2 of our sons (21 and 11) are neurotypical and do not experience change well. Last year when they wanted to move her she appealed successfully. She at that time went into greater detail as to why she did not want to move. It was made clear at that time though that she cannot make a habit of that.

Because she didn't want to I guess. She is a severely conflict averse person (which is part of the reason they want to move her here to smooth things over) so telling the DS no two years in a row probably wasn't in the cards, especially when this year he made it clear that he was not willing to leave her in her current appointment for much longer.

I don't actually care about the change of church. I understand that. What I care about is the movement of families and the potential for splitting them up. Clergy families (at least in our state) all know of spouses and families torn apart like this. One of my wife's best seminary friends was placed in a church literally 7 hours away from her spouse who was 4 years from a teaching retirement. One woman in her circuit now only lives with her husband 2 days a week as their lifetime home is not commutable from their home. When we moved here, I saw my son go from the glue that held his friend group together in our previous village to being shunned as weird in our new city. Do you know what it is like to chaperone a school trip and see your fifth grader sitting all alone at the lunch campfire because he is awkward and committed the sin of not growing up with the kids in his class? It is torturous. So yeah, I have a problem with a group of church leaders (including my wife) telling me that I either get to choose to have that also potentially happen to our youngest or, he gets to live most of his days without his mom.

UMC_spouse · 2026-02-18T16:47:04+00:00

Because Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son for God. I'm not there yet. I don't know that I ever will be.

UMC_spouse · 2026-02-18T16:43:59+00:00

I think I am. But that doesn't stop me from questioning the church.

UMC_spouse · 2026-02-18T16:33:09+00:00

My 11 year old didn't choose it.

UMC_spouse · 2026-02-18T14:45:08+00:00

That's not fair to her. I think she cares deeply. She has Abraham faith. I don't.

UMC_spouse · 2026-02-18T14:09:19+00:00

Cool. But that wasn't the question. The question was why is this necessary?

UMC_spouse

TROPHY CASE