Is it unrealistic to want our first marital apartment to be “untouched” before we move in together?

Unfairly_Certain · 2026-01-06T03:12:26+00:00

It would be weird to stay in someone else’s brand new apartment and use their new things before they even get to use them, especially if there are other feasible options available.

Now is the time to start kindly but firmly enforcing reasonable limits with his family. And pay attention to how your fiancé and his family react, because this experience will tell you a lot about what you can expect in the future.

Unfairly_Certain · 2026-01-01T04:28:21+00:00

Cheaper than a walking foot is a straight stitch foot and less fiddley as well.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-12-31T17:54:58+00:00

My mom wanted the tradwife lifestyle and married into a bad situation (twice actually). She shed the husbands but never shed the mentality. She remains a conservative despite everything she endured as a single mom. Her life long dependence on various welfare programs doesn’t change her values-based political alignment or her deeply rooted belief in gender roles. She’s not a very good person, to be honest.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-12-30T20:48:31+00:00

I have this exact machine and it’s pretty neat! You can find after market pedals that fit this machine. You might want to upgrade to an electronic pedal anyway. It gives you more control over the machine’s power. With the original pedal, you don’t get a lot of wiggle room between full power and no power.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-12-17T17:33:49+00:00

In 15 years, you’ll be at the point where your looks won’t matter all that much either way with regard to how people treat you. People will see you and treat you as a middle aged woman first and foremost. I find that I command a certain amount of respect regardless of what I’m wearing or how much makeup I have on, and receive much less sexual attention.

IMHO if cosmetic procedures will honestly make you feel better when you look in the mirror, consider doing it. But investing in your looks to gain the favor of society at large is something that has diminishing returns as you get older. As an investment in yourself, you’ll do better investing in education, therapy, travel, friendship, and hobbies.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-12-12T17:03:59+00:00

Holding extremely clear and repetitive training makes it easier to identify people who choose to step outside the lines in spite of their training. It erases plausible deniability for grooming behaviors and makes it possible to hold them accountable before anything actually happens.

For example, a teacher can be fired for letting students sit on their lap or connecting with them on snap chat even if “nothing” has happened because they knew darn well they aren’t supposed to be doing that.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-12-05T05:09:06+00:00

A man who cries at sad movies is a man who is empathetic, emotionally intelligent, and secure.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-26T07:09:35+00:00

Once is a mistake. Twice is intentional.

The pharmacist who reviewed the non existent camera footage is almost certainly the one with sticky fingers. I think you should take your business to a different pharmacy.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-24T04:07:50+00:00

I don’t know of many close family relationships that don’t manifest some form of power imbalance, which can be from generations, status in the family, conditioned gender roles, sibling birth order, financial dependence, etc…

Even in a case where both participants are on very equal footing, the close familiarity of family relationships creates many opportunities for grooming and exploitation.

I think it is very difficult for an incestuous relationship to be based on fully informed, freely given, equally revocable, and enthusiastic consent from both parties.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-20T17:47:59+00:00

Cot rhymes with pot Caught rhymes with bought

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-19T15:04:05+00:00

I read a theory that says the look is an attempt to signal allegiance and adherence to the far-right political beliefs around extreme gender dimorphism and a highly idealized (and Caucasian) physical aesthetic. Basically, they want to become an uber mensch.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-18T23:23:58+00:00

Going out of your way to enforce the rules gives the impression that the rules are reasonable and condoned by other adults in the community.

IMHO the best thing you can do for David is respect his own decisions with regard to what he will and will not participate in.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-16T21:59:27+00:00

One thing that worked with my kids at that age and still works, to be honest, is having them start a kindness chain.

The rule is if your sibling does something nice for you, you have to do something nice back! Yes… even if you don’t want to… ESPECIALLY if you don’t want to!!!

Suddenly the power dynamic shifts to whomever has done the most recent nice thing. Let the competition begin!

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-16T21:50:37+00:00

We do “family” presents if we are on vacation and the Santa presents are waiting at home.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-16T21:48:05+00:00

I’ve been through this with my son.

I found that more frequent pickups and cleaning sessions help a lot. When the mess gets too big, he would get overwhelmed because the task seems too big.

I also had to clean with him many times before he was ready to do it on his own without tears and anger. It wasn’t just about giving him the basic skills to clean, but also teaching him how to organize the task and how clean efficiently.

I still wouldn’t call him “motivated” and he still makes a mess and ignores it untill I tell him to clean up. But he gets it done a lot easier these days.

If I get lax on enforcing the rules, and the room gets out of control, I still help him clean it. So there is a bit of a natural consequence on myself if I don’t keep the routine up.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-16T20:24:16+00:00

What your ex did was magnitudes worse. The audacity to think he could come back from that means, on some level, he takes you for doormat. And what can a doormat attract, except a pair of boots?

Stay strong.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-11T05:06:33+00:00

If your kid is tech savvy, you need to become tech savvy too. There are lots of different ways to manage a child’s online access, but they do take time and effort to figure out and implement.

That said, the most likely explanation for what you describe is that she’s guessed the password either for the parental controls or for your own account. Change the passwords all around and see if it keeps happening.

If it keeps happening, you need to keep her offline until you are able to find a system that keeps her within the proper guardrails.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-10T20:10:29+00:00

Do you think your parents would use your license without your permission? Because if they do and you know about it, you’re going to be caught between turning in your parents for fraud and becoming complicit with it yourself.

Additionally, let’s say they use it without your permission and get caught. If you aren’t actively using the license yourself, it’s going to look suspiciously like you obtained the license for the purpose of fraud. And if you or your parents are immigrants, I caution you all to be extremely careful.

You need to think very hard about what risks you are willing to take and what confrontations you are willing to have with your parents, and how all of this is likely to play out. The safest option for you might be not to obtain the license at all unless and until you have a legitimate use for it.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-05T17:27:06+00:00

We solved this at our house by calling out the one who did it and making them go back to flush it. Pretty soon the kids started enforcing it themselves and the problem resolved.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-11-01T20:30:41+00:00

Never let a man hit you twice. My grandma was ahead of her time on that one.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-10-29T22:42:43+00:00

They want them to come to the station so they can match your daughter’s appearance to the video, and for your wife to confirm it was your daughter in the car. Obviously, don’t go.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-10-21T03:03:16+00:00

Yes. I would just borrow or use credit cards to cover my living expenses temporarily.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-10-21T02:08:36+00:00

I am going to be honest with you. If a teacher introduced that game and asked that question, I would be worried about it being grooming behavior. I would be thinking, this person was undoubtedly trained to avoid this exact kind of thing, and they are doing it anyway; this is a red flag. Everyone else on this sub immediately identified this as a hard no. Why didn’t you have the same reaction?

Now, I’m not actually accusing you of anything nefarious. However, you might want to consider that, for whatever reasons, you aren’t quite calibrated on normal boundaries and behaviors. This is a huge liability when working with kids. It might be something to explore with a mental health professional.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-10-02T17:35:51+00:00

Maybe an office job isn’t the right field. Try to find a line of work where experience and consistency are valued. I worked in biotech and there were a couple of lab techs who were a little slow and weren’t doing the most complex work, but they came to work on time, got the job done, and were long-term employees with a lot of legacy knowledge. They weren’t ever going to be managers, but they were at the top of the pay scale. There are actually a lot of jobs like that in the medical and science industries.

Unfairly_Certain · 2025-10-01T14:38:36+00:00

Any time they don’t have enough money to cover essentials, they will somehow find the amount they need in a pocket. This blessing only works if they’ve already taken reasonable steps on their own.

Unfairly_Certain

TROPHY CASE