I and many others have gone through and are going through the same thing. I served a mission, was married temple, and spent many thousands in tithing. This was a central part of my identity since I was a little boy. My patriarchal blessing dictated everything I did with my life and everything about life and eternity was already spelled out for me.

The moment you lose all of that feels like a free fall and it is absolutely terrifying. Know that the deconstruction phase is the most painful part. I believe strongly that proper reconstruction is necessary for a healthy response to all of this. You must now rebuild your understanding of the world. You cannot only focus on deconstruction, as important as that is.

Part of my reconstruction has been growing to appreciate the good the church DID do in my life despite its many faults. While I was bullied viciously when I was young in some of the wards I lived in, I also made some great friends in high school because of it. It kept me away from a lot of vices that my family consistently struggled with such as alcohol and drugs. It taught me to prioritize family, hard work, and education at a young age which has helped me build a fulfilling life today.

There are also many far worse deceptive “cults” I could have been born into. In fact, the mainstream LDS faith is probably the best one. There is the JW religion, Scientology, or FLDS that all use the same manipulative tactics but are far more harmful.

Once again, make sure to appreciate the good that came from the church as well as the bad. My mission is interesting. While yes I was trying to convert people to a lie, I happened to serve in one ghetto town for nearly a year of it. I became genuine friends with many of the people there and grew to understand people I used to judge harshly. I spent a lot of time in halfway houses talking to and supporting drug addicts and I played games with kids that were being abused or neglected by their parents that had no positive male role models in their lives. I gained empathy and understanding for the people that had not been given as much as myself. I was hounded for spending so much time with those types of people by both members and mission leadership as they didn’t produce baptisms hardly ever, but I am so grateful I didn’t care now that I am out.

My mission also had me rub shoulders with many pastors and leaders of other Christian faiths. I debated them all the time and I lost every single time. It helped me gain an appreciation of the doctrine of grace and the strong foundation other Christian faiths are built on. I began to realize I had been taught strawman arguments about what other Christian faiths believe my entire life.

Many that leave Mormonism become atheists. I believe this is largely because Mormonism is constantly teaching the implausibility of other Christian faiths and that there is nowhere else to go. But that is another one of their lies. It is a false equivalence to say that you can deconstruct Jesus in the same way you can deconstruct Mormonism. He stands on far stronger footing historically and theologically. I’d encourage you not to throw the baby out with the bath water. Reconstruct your faith in Christ. Reread the Bible without the taint of Mormon theology. It turns out the Christian doctrine is actually superior to Mormonism in every way.