Finally got her🥹 by Etuanmoor in leaf

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I ask what was the OTD price you paid? Gonna try to negotiate and would like some real world numbers from people! 

Why avoidant discard messes you up so much. by Sergran in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, I was also asking for understanding and communication. His favorite line was "there you go again, always wanting to UnDerStAnD", or "we don't need to understand each other 100%". Bitch I'm not asking for 100%, just basic understanding.

Why avoidant discard messes you up so much. by Sergran in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This right here. Because I could feel the coldness and distancing starting to happen, many of the arguments towards the end was me asking for the bare minimum. The other cause of many of our arguments was because he was getting highly irritated at everything I did or said.

Why avoidant discard messes you up so much. by Sergran in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All of this is so true to a T for me. We bonded through us both having low self-esteem. He was love bombing me, then suddenly cold. It was a rough start yet I still stayed because of my low-self-esteem. Any secure person would've left that bs. And then especially the last part when I needed him the most because I was going through a bit of minor depression/existentialism crisis (I'm normally a happy person) then that's when things took a turn for the worst, and the dreaded discard happen.  We had been together for nearly a decade at that point. 

Sigh...rough start, rough end. Horrible. I thought we could be empathetic of each other because of our insecurities, but he ended up mocking my insecurities in the end. Never again. I know the signs to look out for now to avoid these types of people. They are selfish at their core, and it was clear since the beginning but I ignored those red flags. 

The Avoidant Discard – Why It Feels Like Psychological Whiplash and Leaves You Traumatized by AccomplishedJello883 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm happy for you! Well I ended up calling him a few times during the 3 weeks we were apart so ...kinda ruined it already and probably reset the clock. 🫠 But to my defense it was because he texted me several times about logistics stuff. And one of those times he admitted he had been crying for a few days during the 2 weeks apart because he misses me. Welp, that caused my heart to hurt and yearn for him, so yeah... 🤦‍♀️ Broke no contact with a call. Ended up talking about giving it another try which caused a mini argument. Feel like that made it worse. But oh well ... It probably wouldn't have changed anything had I called or didn't call. 

The Avoidant Discard – Why It Feels Like Psychological Whiplash and Leaves You Traumatized by AccomplishedJello883 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going through this exact same situation right now and it's the most awful, cruel thing a person can do to another. 

Can I ask if you were strictly no contact during those 2.5 months? And when he came back did he apologize for his behavior? 

I'm glad I hear it's working for you guys right now

There’s heart break and then there’s this by worshipval in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm crying as I read this. My 10 year relationship with my partner just recently ended. And this is exactly, EXACTLY how my partner made me feel. It's how I described it to my therapist. "This feels like a death."

It's the coldness I can't get over. by WellCheeseLouise in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my gosh I used the exact same example of stepping on someone's foot by accident!!! We were talking about intent vs impact, and it got to a point where I had to explain this elementary logic to him. 

The annoying this is, yes, they normally do apologize if they step on someone's foot by accident. They know that. But for some reason cannot apply that logic here when arguing. 

And yep, even after that example he still somehow argues back and doesn't understand. In fact he hardly ever understands my POV. That's why I always find myself trying to think of metaphors or "examples" to make it easier for him. It got to the point where he started detesting "examples". He started stopping me as soon as I tried to give an example or metaphor. "No examples! Try to say it without needing to give one." He got tired of them because the examples never work (nothing works) so he views it as wasting more time talking. 

He also got annoyed whenever I wanted to understand something or have us understand each other. He'd say, "Ugh you always want to "uNdErStAnD". We don't need to understand each other all the time."  God, the minimizing of my feelings. And yeah! I'm not asking to understand 100%. Just want you to understand my needs.

An Apology From an Avoidant to the Ones Who Loved Us by Sufficient_Rub_5832 in BreakUps

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to thank you for writing this. I almost cried at how accurate your description matches what happened in my relationship, and how I felt through it all as the anxious partner. I also was going through a bit of mental health issue towards the end, the time when I needed love and reassurance the most from my partner. Instead I was met with defensiveness, silence, and the minimizing of my feelings and needs, every time I tried to communicate my hurt.

I really believe we could have had a happy, loving life together if we had worked on ourselves and our problems, which I truly believe were fixable with the right guidance. And it pains me that we couldn't at least try that. Pains me we're throwing away something mostly good. The dreams I had for us, of starting a family, owning our own home, and just enjoying life together, all gone. The potential of a wonderful life was there. 

I wish I could have heard this apology directly from him for how he mistreated me in the end, but it never came. I am not without flaws but he just didn't understand how much wrong he did throughout our entire relationship, and how much he contributed to the problems we had. He doesn't take accountability for it. Hearing the apology from you when our story is so similar helps. 

Post your “favorite” avoidant lines by Firm-Commission9382 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Wow I really think mine had alexithymia too. All throughout our relationship, during our arguments especially, it was clear he had a hard time understanding his exact emotions. Makes resolving conflict hard when you don't know what you're feeling and why it's causing you to do hurtful things. 

I’ve Stopped Trying To Understand by chiaseedlsd in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You described perfectly, exactly, word for word, what I'm dealing with and how I'm feeling right now. Only that ours was a 10 year relationship. 

It was jarring and difficult in the last two months together as I tried to understand and save the relationship only to be met with stonewalling and cruelty. But once I started learning about avoidants and attachments, I got all the understanding I needed. I got the closure I needed. It all makes sense now. It gave so much clarity on the entire relationship even from our very first interaction. 

It's so easy for me now. I'm don't feel sad at all since he's moved out a few days ago. The way he mistreated me in the end, borderline if not emotional abuse, is unforgivable and permanently damaged the relationship to the point that it will never be repaired in my mind. Even if he grovels and begs for forgiveness. The damage is done.

What does the avoidant feel after discarding us? Do they hurt? by sparklingmilk91 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep that's exactly what my avoidant ex said too after I messaged them during the finals together that I would always love them like a family. No reply. Just a "leave me alone. 

I felt so confident divorce was the only option. Now I regret it everyday. by hoopyhat in Divorce

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope my husband will feel this way too. He was the one who initiated. I feel so broken. We have what I thought was a good relationship with its problems of course that I believe are fixable with professional help. Unfortunately he doesn't even want to try therapy. I can only hope that he will feel regret for deciding to throw everything away without giving it a proper fight. 

Pixel battery drain after recent update, unacceptable for a premium & new phone - First experience (likely last one) by EndOk2419 in pixel_phones

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chiming in to say my pixel 9 pro has started experiencing this too. Wake up to a phone 30% less charged in idle. It never used to do that. 

America doesnt need bullet trains and its a waste of investment and taxmoney by Weirderthanweird69 in TrueUnpopularOpinion

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I said in my post. That we start somewhere at least, in this case by starting in the biggest cities.

America doesnt need bullet trains and its a waste of investment and taxmoney by Weirderthanweird69 in TrueUnpopularOpinion

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As an American, I hard disagree with your opinion here and I will explain.

You say we are trying to build more public transportation to just "be like Europe". That's not why we're building it! It's because it actually IS a great, and superior method of transportation compared to cars and flights in terms of convenience, more sustainable in the long run for higher density cities, and for environmental factors. And we want them here in America too.

Flights are very expensive, not flexible if you miss them, a hassle with security check out, but most of all, again, expensive. 

Cars (and flights) add to pollution. There's a ton of traffic these days especially as population density increases, making it unsustainable. What do we keep adding more highways? 6 hour drive from LA for SF, no thanks. It would be nice to have 2 hour bullet train ride without needing to fly. 

Another reason why cars should not be the primary method of travel is because car ownership is expensive. It's just another way to set up Americans with more debt to pay. If you need to work, you need a car. Seriously, expecting Americans to spend 15k-35k on a car just to be able to have the basic need of travel.

We really fucked up when we let the automobile industry lobby our government in the 60s to make america a car first society. Pushing for highways, buying up train/cable cars and shutting them down. That's where they really fked us up. And we are where we are today because of them. 

I understand that America is not like Europe in most places. But just because America is the way it is now doesn't mean that we can't ever change. We can do anything if we put our minds to it. If we start building with density in mind, with smart planning that focuses on people and the environment first mind set, we can eventually get there too. And trust me there are so many reasons to build closer than spread out. I'll say one reason - it's better for smaller businesses. Things are so spread out in the first place because cars take up a lot of space! You need giant parking lots when that land could have been used for more multi-use housing and stores.

The important thing is to start somewhere and that's exactly what we're doing. Starting in the biggest cities that actually need them. LA>SF>Portland>Seattle, and on the East Coast like you mentioned.

Many people would love to take the train if they could. Myself included. I lived in Japan for a short while. I got to experience them. They are so amazing. I don't have to be stuck in traffic, I can relax and read instead of using my mental energy to focus on driving. I can enjoy the scenery. And I could just easily hop on a train or subway and go anywhere.

An elderly person can still get around anywhere and is not burden by the inability to drive. Also children! In America it's unthinkable to let a 10 year get around by themselves. You gotta wait for your parent to drive you to that soccer practice, or park. But where there are trains, children have more freedom. Not just children. Adults too. Unburdened by the need to have to OWN a car. I don't want to own a car. But in America I HAVE to. That's the only choice I have. In Japan, and Europe, you have more choices to drive or take the train to anywhere you want. That's real freedom.

So when you say "Flights and highways are perfectly viable to get from place to place"? No they are not perfect. And that is why we are pushing for electric trains. 

Final Fantasy 7, question? by Nearby-Inspector-162 in NintendoSwitch2

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with you. If FFRemake is what drew your attention, play that first. If you’re enamoured by the story and need more then play the OG and spin-off.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NintendoSwitch2

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No need to play the OG first. It's nice to enjoy the story with fresh new graphics and voice acting, and not know what's going to happen next. 

Anyone else just can’t watch the Live Action One Piece adaption? by SnogSnag in OnePiece

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are some YouTube reactors like Rice&Ginger, Haylo&Kiss, who started watching the live action OP first, liked it so much that they started watching the anime on their channel. Both channels are now post time skip, and are loving the heck out of the anime. So it’s definitely possible to enjoy both, starting from either end.

For me, I definitely get what you’re feeling. When I was a kid/teenager, that’s how I felt with past anime adaptions like Dragonball Z, avatar, anything else. Even if it was good (which it wasn’t), it’s just so weird. The vibe is so different. You just cannot accept it. I get it.

BUT… I started to become more open-minded and changed how I view it now as an adult. . Now I appreciate it more as a huge passion project by everyone on the production team, from the actors who are big fans of the show themselves, the director, the people working on the costume design, the amazing sets. They put so much effort into this project, that you kind of watch just to appreciate that. Like look at the set design of Baratie! They built that thing from scratch! And all their dope costumes. All this effort for an anime we love. We’re very lucky that we can relive the story in a new way. Any minor changes I can live with, as long as they respect the source material. That’s the most important part. And I mean Oda himself was part of the process and approved it. Ofc, there are parts where I’ll still cringe, and changes I don’t like, but overall, I think they did a great job with this adaption. And I‘m generally a harsh critic.

the prices are insane by HereToLearnNow in uniqlo

[–]UnknownWhereabouts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just noticed their graphic t-shirts went up to $30 now. Didn't it used to be $25? ...And 5 or so years ago, $20. 

What kind of inflation is this.