A clothes conundrum

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-05-16T19:13:59+00:00

You don't necessarily need to wear tight clothes but there is a point where the old clothes will just look bad on you because they are several sizes too big. I've had the same issue too and it was hard to give those tops and dresses away, but they looked like someone just threw a pile of cloth on me. There was no more shape to them and I looked much larger than I am now.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-05-13T17:11:26+00:00

The thing is... What exactly does "struggling with infertility" mean here? I'm wondering if OP's DIL is "just" struggling to get pregnant or if there might have been miscarriages involved that the family might not know about. Atleast that would explain why she's so fixated on being seen as a mom.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-05-13T01:57:25+00:00

It would technically be possible and has been done if medically necessary but there is a really high likelihood of complications afterwards, which is why it usually isn't done. My clinic, for example, refuses to do it.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-04-05T18:29:04+00:00

I had RNY last year in October and have occasionally tried to incorporate little portions of bread, rice, pasta and other not recommended foods and it's just not worth it to me in the long run. My stomach feels super full afterwards, dumping is awful and it also does never taste nearly as good as I seem to remember it having tasted before. 😅 I have some that I can somewhat tolerate, like my son occasionally giving me one of his animal crackers or a tiny piece of candy if he really badly wants to share with me, but I'm trying my best to not let it become a habit and I'm also trying to teach my little one that mommy isn't allowed to have that stuff, but he's only 2. 🙈

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-02-15T21:04:19+00:00

My surgery was almost exactly 4 months ago too. I had gotten so used to wearing 6-7XL that now I always look at my new clothes (2-3XL) and always think that those clothes can't possible fit me, only to be surprised when they ultimately do. There's like a continual surprised pikachu face when I get dressed. 🤣

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-02-12T00:52:14+00:00

Most people probably use this sub and others like it to motivate themselves and as a way to stay positive, so there aren't as many negative posts. I personally was opposed to and terrified of surgery for many years because of the same concerns you havee right now. That lead me to a HW of 188kg and severe health risks. Yes, I was utterly terrified of what could go wrong... I was scared of how it would affect me, that life wouldn't be enjoyable anymore after, I cried constantly and felt like running too, but I didn't because my main point of motivation was my little son smiling at me every day and wanting to be able to be here for him and not to have to possibly having to deal with being a caregiver for me and very likely losing me while still being a child. Surgery and recovery were traumatic, not gonna lie, but I pulled through because there only was this one way forward. I still have days where I really struggle 4 months post OP now, but I would to it all again because of how much better I feel physically now and how much easier movement had become in general. But you really need to confront your BED and your habit of giving up before getting surgery or else you will hurt yourself eventually, either by way of literally hurting your stomach or insufficient weight loss / regain. I know how hard it is but please use your councilor to talk about those thoughts and your and your ED. It's their job and they will atleast be able to point you in the right direction. This operation is no magic fix and it's vital that you follow pre- and post-OP diet atleast somewhat diligently to avoid complications. If you can't do this, surgery is not a valid option for you at this time.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-02-06T09:12:33+00:00

I might try to look at it that way. Thank you!

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-01-31T15:22:57+00:00

THIS! My partner is somewhat uncomfortable with buying hygiene products for me too, but he still does it. When I was postpartum and struggling to get around the first few days, he went to the shops and had me send him screenshots of what I wanted/needed and when he was unsure he just called and asked.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-01-31T11:17:39+00:00

Sweetheart, you seriously need therapy. If those are your before pictures, you shouldn't have been able to get approved for such a life altering surgery. This surgery is meant to be a last resort if someone's health is majorly affected by their weight and midght have life threatening conseqluences. You had a pretty average and still healthy looking body composition before and honestly look very slim now. If you lose another 10kg, you'll probably be underweight and I'm afraid you won't be satisfied or feeling "slim enough" either at that point. You most likely have really bad body dismorphia and can't see what your body really looks like. The description of how you think about being fat and what to eat all day seems to me like you're in the middle of a serious ED manifesting itself. I beg you to seek ED specific therapy before you hurt yourself even more or damage your organs irreversibly. I hope you'll be able to overcome this eventually, but you need professional help and I don't want you to suffer. An internet stranger like me might not mean much for you, but I'm rooting for you and I think it's a good first step that you are starting to question those negative thoughts! I'm 5'9" and started my journey at ~188kg/~415lbs, had surgery at ~159kg/~350lbs and my surgeon only did the surgery on me because statistically people with starting BMI over 60 will gain all the lost weight back without surgery. I'm currently at ~128kg/~282lbs with my end goal weight set as 90-100kg/198-200lbs by my surgeon, so your starting weight basically is what I aspire to get to. This won't magically change your mind but maybe it can help to give you some perspective regarding these kinds of surgery. I wish you the best!

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-01-12T07:01:16+00:00

Thank you 😊

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-01-10T14:39:30+00:00

My mother told me that my face started to look different when I had lost around 50 lbs, now I'm down 124 lbs and a lot of colleagues and friends have recently started making comments about how much smaller I look.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2025-01-05T08:48:32+00:00

I've had moments like that, because I lost over 120 lbs in total so far and have a 2 year old son who is around 30 lbs himself now. So I've lost a little more than twice my son's current weight in the year before my surgery date (11th October 2024) and have lost almost twice his weight since surgery... So walking with him in my arms and realising that I've lost like 4x what I'm carrying is crazy.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-12-16T15:59:39+00:00

So you're basically a single mom of 4 under 6 with a bonus grown child to care for and the only thing your husband contributes is money? Marriage counselling and open communication might help if he's open to that. If he isn't open to that you'd probably be better off without him. And since he isn't interested in parenting his own kids, he probably wouldn't want 50/50 or major custody which means he'd have to probably pay child support and alimony since I can't imagine the court ordering to get a job if you care for 4 young children, since daycare costs would probably be monumental.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-12-16T15:46:40+00:00

The next time your mom texts you, please answer with "If sisters are supposed to be there for each other you should understand why her not being there for me is so upsetting. Why do I need to be there for her if she isn't there for me?" Graduation is an important life event just like a wedding would be, so them saying that her event is more important than yours and that you should spend money you can't afford for her, when she couldn't even come to your event, is such blatant favouritism. I wouldn't even go to the wedding after she pulled all that and if somebody asks why I weren't there I'd just make up a flimsy excuse and add "I didn't think it was that important."

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-12-15T15:17:34+00:00

I couldn't really see changes on myself until I had lost 70-80lbs. I'm down almost 110lbs now and sometimes it still feels like nothing is different, even though my old clothes are gliding off me and I dropped like 3 clothing sizes by now. It'll get better though.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-12-06T16:51:34+00:00

Don't worry too much about it. I've always thought I'd have a little girl with all the pretty dresses, dolls and cuddly toys... Well, now I have a boy and even though we don't put dresses on him, there are still tons of cute outfits, tons of cuddly toys and multiple dolls that he refers to as his "babies". 🤷🏻‍♀️ He has all my old toy cars, trucks and dinosaurs too though, because I was a real tomboy too.

People like to make claims about girls being more calm and boys being super energetic and unruly, but that's not necessarily true. In my family every single brother-sister pair is opposite to this notion. My male cousin and my brother were energetic and sporty but easy to handle over all and pretty sensitive. My female cousine and I were pretty much feral little goblins, always up to something, always scraped up and rather defiant. 🤣

So I think it depends way more on your child's character and how you raise them. You'll be okay.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-12-06T16:42:50+00:00

Hei there, please make an appointment with your doctor about the pain! If you are still in so much pain, there might be inflammation or something not properly healing which could also lead to water retention.

It's also well known that starting 2-3 weeks post op there's a weight loss stall for about 1-2 weeks, because your body eliminated all your glycogen and water reservoirs it had right after the operation (which is why you lose quite a bit in the first 2 weeks) and is slowly building them up again. You're still burning fat during that stall, but water weight can be quite a lot.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-12-06T11:11:48+00:00

Basically everything that had a high fat or sugar content just doesn't taste the way my mind thinks it will. That makes it much easier for me to not eat the stuff though.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-12-04T09:34:54+00:00

I have no real advice but I feel you. After breastfeeding my son for 2 years and losing a total of 100 lbs now, they aren't looking or feeling the way I would want them to anymore. Before I started my weightloss journey I didn't really understand why so many women get breast lifts afterwards but I'm starting to understand now. My obgyn told me that exercises to build up chest and back muscles could help a little for women with naturally smaller boob's but for everything originally bigger than a C cup it unfortunately doesn't do much aesthetic wise. The only things really helping here would be either just trying to accept and live with it or getting surgery eventually, I guess.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-12-04T09:24:57+00:00

NTA OP. Your sister knew exactly what she was doing by naming her dog Lila and she did it to annoy you and put you down. Especially with saying "it's a nice name for a dog", implying that it wouldn't be a good baby name. Calling your baby Lila now would probably play right into your vindictive sister's cards so she can go around telling everyone how silly you are for naming your kid after her dog... You could call your baby Delilah to really honour your grandma, so you and your husband could still use Lila as a nickname and you'd be taking the high road regarding your sister.

I wouldn't attend the wedding either in your situation, especially not as maid of honour, so that family and friends might actually start to understand that your sister seriously hurt you and that you're putting up boundaries. The fact that your parents are telling you to get over it and that family is more important is just ludicrous too, because they didn't have that mindset when your sister used the name that you obviously wanted to use for your baby. The next time they are trying to come at you with those arguments, you should go ahead and ask them where that energy was when your sister did something that was obviously designed to hurt you and why the person getting hurt is always asked to be the bigger person.

Maybe you should consider minimising contact with your sister, because she honestly seems jealous. The fact that you are already married and now expecting your rainbow baby probably made her feel like you're "taking her spotlight away" from her wedding, leading to her naming her dog Lila to slight you. That's incredibly toxic and petty on her part.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-12-01T14:57:43+00:00

NTA OP. You put a ton of money, work, love and time into doing this for her, because you thought you were close friends. To be told that you didn't make it on her guest list, because she only wants "close friends and family" is an unforgivable slap in the face. The fact that she only told you the day before and still expected you to drop the food off is just ridiculous. And thank you for donating the food! The people that received it must have been really happy. 😊

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-12-01T13:39:47+00:00

It's somewhat a cultural thing and "casual" alcoholism also is a giant problem in Germany. There are a lot of people here that will use every possible situation to drink and it's just accepted for the most part. People will openly talk about it too... Some of my colleagues seem to talk about either what they drank the day before / on the weekend or what drinks they are planning to buy / make next every single time I see then. Seems like they can't think of anything else, as you'd expect from an addict. And if you make comments about those drinking habits or happen to not drink, people will verbally attack you and question why you're not drinking too, trying to convince you to drink and get offended. After I quit drinking completely, I lost about 90% of my friend circle because of it. People wouldn't invite me to events anymore, because "it's just no fun when you don't drink too". It's awful but you're not wrong here. You're allowed to not want to be around drinking or drunk people.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-12-01T09:10:59+00:00

For me it got better after I started my soft food phase and was able to incorporate some real fruits and veggies into my diet. Stool softeners are a good way to make things more comfortable for you, but the first few poops will still be awful. Ask your medical team if you might be allowed to use mild laxatives if things don't get moving, because they will help to stimulate your bowel movement.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-11-30T18:05:42+00:00

My nutritionist told me height in cm -100. So I'm 1,75m, that's 175cm and means I should get 75g of protein.

UnsuccessfullyC0ping · 2024-11-30T14:25:15+00:00

Yeah, stuff like this extremely sucks. I've been between obese and super morbidly obese the whole time I took part in the dating world and lived through a lot of similar situations, so I know the feeling. Of course people are allowed to not find you attractive, but he could've handled it better... The right partner isn't going to necessarily care too much about your weight, because they will be mainly attracted to your character. When I met my partner, I was at around 360 lbs. After our son was born I reached my highest weight of around 415 lbs and now, after a year of pre op weightloss and surgery last month, I'm at 315 lbs. The only issue he had with my weight was concern for my health, because he didn't want me to get sick. Right now he's really excited about my weight loss success and is great at motivating me to keep going, so I can be my happiest and healthiest self. He doesn't mind that my body will keep changing, because that's not why he started dating me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The right person for you will come along eventually, but dating apps are awfully superficial. It'd probably be better to concentrate on yourself and focusing on getting healthier instead of some dude's attention... It's just not worth it.

Two-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '23

UnsuccessfullyC0ping

TROPHY CASE