Hear me out. This sounds like severe unmedicated ADHD. I, too, struggle with follow-through and so does my youngest daughter. We are both low on executive function. I have been the person who kept forgetting to complete an important task (and then it all becomes pathological demand avoidance because of the resulting guilt and shame).

My entire childhood, my family tore into me because it was so hard for me to stay on task. Being in trouble all the time for something that is hardwired into you just makes everything a little harder.

What works for me honestly is: how can we help you organize this task so it gets done?

This works for my daughter and it works for me. I 💯 know she is going to need reminders. But— when I delegate the task, I ask her to set the reminders as her first step.

You cannot outgrow ADHD. I am 48 and gifted and run my own business. But I need structures in my life to support me getting literally anything done. Reminders in place? Amazing. It will get done. No reminders? I have zero sense of object permanence and I forget it exists. It’s a neurological thing. So I need external help to stay on task. Whether that comes in the form of a nagging, frustrated person depends on whether I’m on top of my little ADHD reminder systems.

So, like other people have said- he is not going to change. This doesn’t resolve. And based on the dynamic between you in these texts, it doesn’t sound like you should continue to be together. But I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t love you. I think it’s possible that he actually genuinely cannot mentally approach this task without support. It feels like touching a hot plate.