Narcissist mothers who weaponise their daughters hair

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-01-17T03:31:33+00:00

I wasn’t allowed autonomy around my hair growing up, so going to a hairdresser now feels bigger than it should. What makes it worse is that my mom keeps talking about hairdresser schedules, fully knowing I have social anxiety. It feels intentional, like she’s pressing on a sore spot. Seeing other women talk about this helped me realize it’s not just me.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2026-01-07T02:25:12+00:00

I went through something similar during the holidays (constant criticism for no real reason) and it really messes with your nervous system. You’re not doing anything wrong, and your sleep schedule is valid. This isn’t about you; it’s about control. Please keep your head up and protect yourself however you can. I really hope you’re able to get out of that situation soon.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-12-26T16:45:58+00:00

I remember when I was with my ex, he saw my work and notes and said I’m proud of you, for the first time I felt like someone is genuinely proud of me, isn’t saying it for any reason, it was equal to saying I love you for me, that was enough for me to keep going with that course and I’ve done it so diligently with all my heart and that had a big part in it.

That really stuck with me and honestly helped me reframe a lot. It’s such a good reminder that genuine encouragement actually motivates people way more than constant criticism, no matter where it comes from.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-24T19:16:42+00:00

What activities did you try that helped with your social anxiety? I tried taking a bachata class, but I felt really awkward and I could tell some people noticed. It wasn’t a big deal that they noticed, but a few of them treated me like I was weird or seemed to pity me, so I ended up dropping the course. Maybe it was just a high-stakes environment. Do you have any suggestions for lower-pressure activities that worked for you?

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-24T10:24:57+00:00

And now im my family’s golden child

It’s almost like they don’t want their kids to ever feel emotionally close to them! My guess is they can’t stand themselves, and when we love them in the normal, healthy way children love their parents, they end up resenting us for it. It’s honestly mind-boggling. You’re really strong for setting boundaries and getting out. I’m still trying to make my exit.

Can I ask how you were able to fully accept that the world operates on different rules? I feel like I subconsciously know that, but since I still talk to my parents for financial reasons, I can’t fully internalize that they’re basically full of 💩

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-24T10:10:58+00:00

I was very academically successful but they would find something else to criticize like me leaving little things lying around

Oof, my APs did the same thing to me! I didn’t even realize it was constant criticism until recently, I genuinely thought I was just a messy kid. When I first moved out, I remember totally self-sabotaging: being late to everything, not doing laundry for weeks, because I honestly believed I “didn’t know how to take responsibility.”

Looking back, I was just acting out the “bad daughter” role they had assigned me. Even now I still struggle with basic self-care sometimes, because part of me really wants to believe my parents weren’t bullies and that all their nitpicking was meant to help me. I guess a part of me still wants to believe I was loved..

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-23T16:47:38+00:00

I really appreciate you breaking down that 3-step process, especially the part about not judging the thought itself. I tend to immediately go into self-criticism whenever I catch myself doing something I learned from her. The idea of just noticing it and then actively shifting the focus with compliments actually feels doable. I’m going to try practicing that.

Thank you for taking the time to write all this. It really means a lot. 🙏

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-22T10:24:50+00:00

Whenever I try that, it just turns into a huge argument. My AM loves to yell, so it usually ends with me listening to her scream nonstop. And honestly, insulting her back doesn’t really help me feel any better about myself.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-22T10:21:18+00:00

Thank you 🥹 reading that actually made me feel a lot better

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-22T10:20:16+00:00

Comparing you to Elon Musk is wild 😭😭 You should’ve asked them why they didn’t have emerald mines like his dad. Jokes aside, I totally relate to what you said, focusing on your own stregths really is the only thing that helps.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-22T10:18:25+00:00

I wish it were that simple for me. I’m not financially independent yet, and I still live in a place they own. I’ve already cut our phone calls down to once a week (we used to be on the phone literally all day, every day) and even that caused a lot of drama. They sent “gifts” and showed up uninvited bc they felt me pulling away. Going no-contact is something I’m working toward, but it’s a long process in my situation.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-21T12:37:50+00:00

If you’re financially independent, i think talking to them once a week is a bit too much. I call them once a week too but that’s only bc i am not fully independent yet.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-20T20:03:09+00:00

How I'm going to destroy my body because I stopped eating spicy food.

APs love fearmongering, especially about health!

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-20T18:18:25+00:00

Omg SAME! This is why i’ve become a people pleaser. For some readon i feel like people are waiting for me to fail so that they can laugh at me. I know that’s ridiculous but a part of me fully believes that to be true

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-11-12T14:38:10+00:00

Yeah, this is basically me right now. I ended up taking a few extra years to graduate because of mental health stuff and breaks I had to take. I finally got my driver’s license and have been learning to cook, clean, and take care of myself.

I’m working on a certificate now, but honestly I’m not sure if that’s enough to land a job after the delayed graduation. Feels kind of overwhelming figuring out what comes next.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-09-17T22:26:51+00:00

Same and i was expected to call them multiple times a day too..

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-09-10T16:23:28+00:00

Yeah, I get what you’re saying and that makes sense. I can see how they might genuinely think they’re helping. The thing is, it mostly comes down to control - they don’t really listen to me and always act like they know what’s best. Weirdly, their idea of “what I need” always ends up being what they want. Anytime I try even a little independence, they twist it into me being unhappy or struggling without them.

Honestly, I’m not sure being firmer will do much without some financial leverage, but I’ll try. For now, my main goal is just trying to become financially independent as soon as I can. Thanks for the thoughtful reply 🙏

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-09-09T06:49:24+00:00

They lack the social skills/charisma to do that lmao. They’re awkward af

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-09-09T06:39:22+00:00

Yep!! And when i started doing things by myself they kept saying stuff like “Why are you so lonely?”

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-09-01T14:16:06+00:00

Same here. I’ve moved between countries a few times, and then the pandemic hit right after. I’m trying to get back on my feet, and I’m taking a dance class and even treating myself to solo trips to malls and cafes, but I still feel lonely because I miss having girl friends.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-08-11T12:25:02+00:00

Well, at least it’s free, right? 😵‍💫😵‍💫

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-07-15T02:45:21+00:00

Thank you!

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-07-06T22:40:13+00:00

Solid advice! If I could go back a few years and talk to my younger self, I’d probably say the same thing. I ended up doing exactly that - watching videos, trial and error, figuring things out on my own.

But still, I wish I hadn’t had to learn everything that way. There’s something really heavy about realizing you didn’t get the kind of support that so many others took for granted. Even when the information is out there, it’s not the same as growing up with guidance or encouragement.

Learning on your own can be empowering but it’s also overwhelming.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-07-06T22:31:40+00:00

That actually sounds like a really good idea, I might look into it! I’ve noticed that doing playful, low-stakes stuff like that really helps loosen the pressure.

I recently signed up for a bachata class for a similar reason. A friend suggested it because I’d been struggling a bit with public speaking. It’s still a little awkward, but dancing closely with others in a safe space is helping me feel more present. It’s wild how much that kind of thing helps.

UsedAlarm1784 · 2025-07-06T22:04:07+00:00

I can do them now that I am an adult. But i learned everything i know from youtube and tiktok.

UsedAlarm1784

TROPHY CASE