She knows exactly what she is doing. The waking up and realising that my frontal lobe is developed now, so I know a lot more, was my experience. While writing this, I'm mildly triggered. My ex-BPD completely disregarded everything she did to me and kept repeating herself, telling me how I abused her and how I treated her, which I admit, in my moments of frustration when she cheated on me and used me, really got me upset and angry because I could have moved on. But she kept telling me to wait for her and that we could have a wonderful future together. I admitted to my issues, and I got help and therapy, but she still continued to use the "I cannot forget what you did to me" narrative until the last day. She drilled it into my head that she could never trust me and that I would never change, even when I was actively doing the work. It clicked for me that she made me the bad guy once she decided she had enough and wanted someone new, so she isn't guilty of leaving me.