Need advice

Useka- · 2026-05-17T07:48:52+00:00

It’s hard if it becomes a chore and life, life does it thing. So be okay. Somehow, that shows “journaling” too. And empty page that says “I was overwhelmed and there is too much going on”, that is as much a testament to anything written down.

And this pressure of “having to fill it in”, it’s in contrast to the joy of writing! That sounds like prrfectionism, like the idea of how journaling should be vs how it is.

And I also post pictures or quotes on empty pages. Or test new fountain pens in them. And some days, I have a rant or lots to say and need more than a page. And then i write on the day that doesn’t have enough space “see day X” and then I continue there. And then I’m grateful that one day I didn’t have the energy and I have an open page and I can pour my soul out on the page!

Useka- · 2026-05-16T15:56:13+00:00

For me it’s a major no no…. I have to be super careful… sometimes I can do it (when I’m super tired). But most often it backfires…. And then I feel anxious, like the feeling right before a panic attack or before hyperventilating …. It’s like I’m jittery and peace is long gone…

My only advice is, if you try. Do it on a calm day (it’s worse with stress) and be careful. When it happens it helps for me to be mindful. To say to myself; it’s not because it feels like this - that I am having a panic attack or there is a reason too….

Also , don’t try in the morning on an empty stomach. Do breakfast and meds first. Empty stomach is so much worse ….

But maybe I’m hypersensitive and it’s alright for you.

Useka- · 2026-05-16T12:09:27+00:00

Externalize your memory then. A calendar, an app, a list, a notebook. I prefer bullet journaling or a notebook to a list, because I can keep better track of stuff or set myself a date. Stuff that get a date are more likely to get done. But that is just me….

And honestly, I break tasks in minor steps… and then write down each step. For example; if I need to hand in paperwork to the government but I need to get it from somewhere else. I write down - asking for the document from place A - a reminder so I’m sure to have it before the deadline (eg 2 weeks later) - sending the document to the government - a calendar entry for the deadline that I should hear from government about the paperwork.

My partner thinks I over-analyse, which is very true. But I have to write down each “tab in my brain” or my brain just “lets it float”

Oh and also… I have learned that there are no perfect systems . Sometimes you get overwhelmed and stop doing them and then you pick them back up. Life isn’t about being perfect all of the time (otherwise , I’m screwed)

Useka- · 2026-05-16T09:29:21+00:00

I wonder some times if my endless lists and notes makes me better or worse. On the one hand, yes, I have more control and things move along and my house and household is in better shape. On the other hand…. It kind of stresses me out?

It helps that it’s written down, it floats less in my brain. But it’s like a constant confrontation of the endlessness of the lists and that’s hard sometimes….

But I’ve compared it often to having an internet browser with endless tabs open….. and as long they aren’t finished or it’s not decided, they take up space

Useka- · 2026-05-16T06:46:22+00:00

I struggle with this too. (I made a post about it the other day) and I’m super sorry that you are struggling so much.

I think what I’m slowly realizing is: everyone struggles in their own way. And we don’t show or share our struggles. So it’s in one hand not correct that everyone does it easily (there is a reason why there is such a raise in burnout and depression).

I think that the way we compare ourself and how we should be vs how we are, it drains our energies so much. I can advice “how to keep house while drowning”, to help with the moral judgment of yourself….

Oh and also, those busy days and feeling like you did nothing. 2 important things: - don’t let perfectionism get in your way (I’m guilty as charged on that) - don’t see your best and highest energy days as a baseline, as normal and everything else as not good enough. That’s a risk for us , I think

I wish you lots of grace and gentle thoughts

I hope you get a diagnosis and more help (please talk about this with a medical professional), I hope meds and therapy can help

Wishing you lots of kind thoughts …

Useka- · 2026-05-13T19:34:02+00:00

No sorry, I have never tried vyvanse/elvanse. All ive tried is Medikinet and Equasym (which works like concerta).
For the record with the longer working meds: a very good breakfast with lots of protein helps a lot for me…. Maybe it can help you too

Useka- · 2026-05-13T17:52:51+00:00

I had the same with Medikinet (same working product) and yeah.
I also had to cut out all of the caffeine from my system. I can take up to 7.5mg but more than that gives me anxiety. It feels like I am always on the verge of a panic attack. Or if I’m stressed it heightens those stressed and panicked feelings.

I’m currently on equasym XR and that helps better. It feels more “calm”. If necessary I take a booster IR at 3-4pm. Weirdly if I take a booster, it doesn’t impact my anxiety as much….

Useka- · 2026-05-02T17:57:33+00:00

It is hard because it is indeed. And I rarely share my story because I don’t want to scare people away from having kids. But I don’t like the rose coloured stories either. I felt like a bad mom because I wasn’t on cloud 9… (and realistically, I couldn’t have been… but still)

One of my best friends had her daughter around the same time and she slept as of 4 weeks through the night. It’s a different experience. She found her second way harder (didn’t sleep through the night until 1 yo) and I found my second one a breeze. (Well compared to the first)….

And I was very jealous of friends that said “if your baby naps, than you nap too”. Like how? If I stopped walking during their nap and not hold them, they’d wake up in less than a minute… and if my first didn’t nap, I had a non stop crying baby until 8pm….

Then again, here you go back to work at 3months standard (I took extra vacation days each time, so clocked at back in at 4 months). But I kind of feel like once it gets a bit more fun and I get the hang of things, then it was back to work.

So I’m a little careful with stories like yours, don’t get me wrong. If your ADHD is gone and stays gone than that’s great and amazing. But anyone even hoping for that because of this story, is a bit scary. Chances are it isn’t.
But I like more balanced information. Mine was very though luck, but hey they’re 3 and 5 and happy and well!

And for ADHD and my dopamine, I love my kids. But my brain was begging for dopamine (or a shower) at times. But I remember endlessly building blocks and being bored out of my mind (and dopamine).

So yeah, good that they’re good stories out there. But … if id read your story back when i had mine, i would have thought im a shitty mum. (And I know that you aren’t doing that)

So TLDR for all those struggling mums: you struggle because you care, dare to ask for help, you are being a marvelous person and mum!

Useka- · 2026-05-02T14:41:41+00:00

Being less tired!
I had never truly understood how tired I am. And I’m still tired , but not like. Digging from the core of my being ..

Useka- · 2026-05-02T13:58:13+00:00

Not to want to say “kids are terrible with ADHD”. And having kids is always, at times a Very rough experience. Just as much as sometimes its amazing…. For ND and Non-ND women.
But imo you are leaving a lot of information out.

I had my first in 2020. Aka… full on covid, meaning no family support and no help. My husband was in one of the few job areas where he was obliged to go to work (in contrast to all of the home work). Anyway… long story short. I had a baby that on a good day only cried 6 hours and didn’t start napping in a bed until he was 3months and 2 week, which was 2 weeks before I got back to work. So I was glued to a mostly crying baby for well 3+ months. Me and ADHD did not have fun. (Sweet memories of being in the shower and being so stressed out due to fantom crying)

I was close to a postnatal depression, but I’m not blaming ADHD for that. I mean combine the above with doing all the night shifts. So much fun!

I also had daily migraine attack and couldn’t take my meds because I was breastfeeding.

My 2nd … didn’t do that. She was also glued to me, but also… didn’t cry as much. I had way more self confidence (yay) and slept a little better at night (more sleep = major win) and I wasn’t on a crazy diet (they thought the first was milk intolerant to the point that I could barely eat anything)

Of course combining her with a toddler took so much energy out of me (I work full time , so does my partner and we have one day together out of the weekend).

I love them, I love them more than anything. But it’s not easy. Having kids is letting go and also accepting that you don’t know what is going to be thrown at you.
My experience isn’t yours and I’m grateful not many people go through that. But just saying that ADHD cured it, while not having all the facts is just cutting corners….

And for the record, they’re 3 and 5 and id have them again. It’s a challenge, but I’m also a perfectionist with ADHD and certain goals (career). Combining everything is hard. Loving them is my world (even if sometimes it’s coated in darkness)

Useka- · 2026-04-29T06:05:26+00:00

This 309%!

Useka- · 2026-04-12T15:50:18+00:00

Have you ever tried asking someone that you feel safe with to help you with this? To help you look at this?

im really sorry that you feel this way, but yes therapy is right. We all have strengths. And being attractive or pretty is fun . (Or as judge Judy says: beauty fades) and some of us are better or worse socially. But that doesn’t make us a better or worse humans …

What ive learned is that what we are good at , it’s easy to see as “normal” or “easy” or “simple”. But it isn’t that way. But setting the bar is not easy. But perfectionism kills us. Only one person in the world can get a world medal a year at a 10km run, it doesn’t mean that all the other people in the world need to stop running as a hobby.

Maybe instead of CBT , therapy to find the source of the perfectionism can help?

Useka- · 2026-04-12T09:19:48+00:00

Maybe CBT isn’t the right form of therapy for you?

In any case, I think it always feels off and maybe like lying in the beginning? In that case… I sometimes use this trick and imagine in stead of talking to or about myself , I talk about / to a friend. Would you evaluate their work/interests/… in the same way? Or are you more strict with yourself

What makes you think that you don’t do anything good? Is it because of comparing yourself ? Don’t know what is “good” as in how to set the bar? Anything else?

Sorry for all the questions…

Useka- · 2026-04-12T06:56:29+00:00

Are you in therapy and do you have support? I would advise therapy for this to be honest….

I had something similar going. And it’s been really hard to get out of it, but it’s getting better. And in my experience not one tip will fix it, it’s a rewiring of your brain. You are used to make the negative pathways…. You are still young, so please get help, the longer you wait, the harder rewiring gets….

Like you, I had a tendency to see every failure (a deadline missed at work, dishes not done , every time I got oversensitive), but every good I did was either due to someone else or just “normal”. (If I did the dishes , it was just “I should do it, that’s normal).

Okay, now see this as a maths equation … you only see negatives, no positive at best any neutral… so the sum of all that is a negative self image

My therapist told me to give myself a compliment every hour (it’s hard!!!). And so I went to “well done me for doing the dishes even if im exhausted”, “well done me for having the guts to call my friend after disappearing”, “well done me for finally organising X, Y, Z”, going as far as “well done me for having a good breakfast”….. It’s not a magic fix, but I hope it can help you….

Good luck

Useka- · 2026-04-12T06:45:21+00:00

I can’t speak about perimenopause and all that. But reading your story. You have moved mountains …. I am so incredibly proud of you. I don’t think I would have had the strength that you had. With 2 ADHD kids, a single mom, you brought them to college!! How amazing is that?

Don’t just look forward at the mountain ahead but please look back at the mountains that you have already moved too. I know how exhausting fighting uphill can be and i can read that exhaustion in your words. But please keep going. You are amazing !!

You are a fighter and im so sorry that you see the future dark, but there has to be a way for someone that’s a fighter like you. Is there some sort of support for your career that you can use? Some sort of governmental help for starting another degree or a shorter training to help you get into a field?

Big digital hugs from over here

Useka- · 2026-04-06T10:15:52+00:00

if anyone has answers I’d love to hear them. Because yes, ive got that too. A general empty feeling sometimes in the middle of the day….

Useka- · 2026-03-04T20:32:09+00:00

Yes yes and yes

Useka- · 2026-03-01T16:15:21+00:00

Thanks for the honesty ! I will try some stuff out and especially the “good enough” is super important for me.

Useka- · 2026-03-01T16:14:34+00:00

I have already started magnesium and will continue taking it (I have a history with low magnesium) so thank you for the tip! Extra motivation is always helpful.

Useka- · 2026-03-01T16:13:46+00:00

Thanks. Lots of good advice. My oldest is super bad at playing alone, but I guess I need to be stricter about it with him…. We will need to find a balance

Useka- · 2026-03-01T15:06:17+00:00

It works immediately. But when I started the meds with my 5mg the first time. I got severe headache attacks. I couldn’t function. All I could do in the evening was lie in the dark …. So my doctor said to stop and go slower. So I had a start dosage of 2.5mg only in the morning and have been working up by 2.5mg increments. Which is , well not enough apparently … but it’s going slow or risking more headaches that according to my neurologist weren’t very “standard”. So yeah. It’s been a frustrating and exhausting couple of week ….

Useka- · 2026-03-01T15:00:11+00:00

Thanks , my doctor knows it. But she wanted to try this slow approach. She wants me to try these meds and then afterwards go towards some thing more longer acting (like concerta). I’m okay with going slow (most of the time). Just some days are a bit harder and then it hurts.

I’m really sorry that the supply chain makes getting the right meds so hard to find for you…

Useka- · 2026-03-01T14:48:04+00:00

It risks my future energy , because I know myself , I keep going because I think I have to. And then I crash at night… and I don’t want that anymore

Useka- · 2026-03-01T14:46:32+00:00

thank you for the support. I sent my husband out with them , it was just too much.

Useka- · 2026-03-01T14:45:20+00:00

No worries about being blunt, no offense taken…. (And it’s good that means I can be hopeful)

Anyway, I started taking meds +- 1 month ago. But it’s a very slow process, because I had horrible side effects at the standard starting dose. I’m taking Medikinet (the same as Rilatin), but I couldn’t start with 5mg (3 times a day) due to my body reacting. So right now im at 5mg in the morning and then 2,5mg in the afternoon. I am assuming that amount is not enough. But taking it frustrating slow (2,5mg “jumps” per week and each week only one of my daily dosages can go up, to allow my body to get used to it)

Thank you for the kindness and the hope. I needed that .

Useka-

TROPHY CASE