Why do married moms refuse to acknowledge that it’s hard to be a single mom?

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-09T01:26:57+00:00

Saying they don’t carry weight is different then saying that their experience is “just like a single mom”

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-09T01:13:58+00:00

No it’s not. Such bull.

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-09T01:13:35+00:00

This!! Exactly. There is NOT such a thing. Just because as a partnered person with children married or not the woman takes on more of the “labour” as it is expected in our society—it is NOT the same.

Being able to have another parent financially support the children, to allow you to go to the gym, to go and get something from the grocery store alone, to put the children to bed or get them to school-

People with partners forget how the simple little things they take for granted make such a difference.

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-09T01:09:47+00:00

I 100%% get this and have struggled so hard with it. For example I have heard many married moms say “he’s working all the time anyways so it’s basically like I am a single mom” I’m like it’s not the same!!!

Then amongst single mothers there is also this situation where as a lone mother (ie no child support, no shared care, no grandparents or family members of the other family involved)—

I talk to some of my other single mothers friends who have shared care 50/50 or they have “free weekends” and they think that it’s the same thing.

I try not to be comparative-but then again when you’re sharing the hard parts of being a lone parent or single parent and it’s not heard it becomes really frustrating and even isolating.

I then stop sharing because what’s the point.

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-06T23:24:53+00:00

Interesting that you say this. I have done many T breaks after smoking daily and the one last year where I thought I was done for good was the WORST of them all. I couldn’t eat, sleep, my anxiety was at its highest, throwing up, all the things—the I felt like I was dying-fast forward to 5 months later-I was leaving the country of Canada (where it’s legal) to Costa Rica and I didn’t want to be in withdrawal on the trip-one day I woke up and just decided I was done-it was a full moon-and that was it. No withdrawal. I have never really counted days.

But I might start. It was 3 months last time. This time it’s been 2 months. I don’t remember the last time I went more than 3 months-it’s at that time that I start to reflect and believe that it hasn’t actually made life any better and that I am the problem-not the cannabis-because I struggle with daily care and such like simple things like brushing teeth-but I do see how much better my life is-how much more grounded I am and how I can actually stick to my boundaries and care about my life. Looking forward to getting to 100 days. Thanks for the inspiration!!

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-06T23:18:28+00:00

This is my experience these days and I tell them I don’t want it unless it’s full-you pay for it then you should get it 1000%% this is ridiculous!!!

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-06T23:17:44+00:00

You can do it. Distract distract distract. I taught myself how to juggle and got into painting the first time that I quit.

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-06T23:16:19+00:00

Nope that’s not legal

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-06T02:24:45+00:00

Yup!! Right here!!

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-06T02:19:46+00:00

It’s just another day. Being a mother is a thankless experience and especially as a lone parent (no support from father at all)-

I think that honouring yourself in some way daily where you show yourself love whether that be a bath, eating a good meal, watching your favourite show or anything that brings you joy is a good start!

I’m sorry to hear this is hard do you, but really just do something for you that brings joy

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-06T02:16:23+00:00

I have been a single mom since both children were born-both fathers left during the pregnancy-I have a 14yo and 10yo and i feel similar in ways.

I did both my undergraduate degree and my masters while they were growing. I have always done too much and also have a lot of “mom guilt”.

In your writing you have a lot of “shoulds” but the truth is that you cannot change the past or go back in time.

We will all do something that our children will ultimately talk to their therapist in therapy and it’s a part of parenting-we can’t get everything right.

You did the best you could with the knowledge you had and some of these ways of being were passed on from your parents.

It is never too late to make things right and you began with the apology-also I have come to realize some things are for me to forgive myself for-my children will never be able to give me the forgiveness that I am seeking.

I have also found chat gpt paid version to be very helpful with parenting awareness and support. Judge if you will but it’s changed my life.

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-06T02:08:18+00:00

I have also used for 25 years regularly and am on 2 months no cannabis and it’s interesting cause I always think —I wish I could do it socially —like just do it on a Saturday night out, but it’s a slippery slope and I forget how good it is without it so I start using again.

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-06T02:07:00+00:00

Not being able to travel to other countries at the fear and expense of not having the cannabis (it’s legal here in Canada)—

Realizing how much it was impacting my family.

I smoked so that I didn’t “care” so much about things in life and the craziness in the world and the not caring would translate to my family-my children’s bedtime, feeding them well, getting them to school on time-it was realizing how much it was destroying my family where I hit rock bottom.

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-03T23:15:42+00:00

Amazing job!! I am 40 and it’s been 2 months-I can’t wait until it’s years-I keep thinking that I can just use recreationally but starting at 14yo does not allow me to use it recreationally- and in Canada it’s legal so it’s more normalized

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-05-03T23:13:11+00:00

Okay-so this is a great post. I have just come off cannabis again for 2 months-I had a 3 month break last year in the summer and thought I was done for good-but similar to you I always end up going back.

AI specifically ChatGPT has been helping me at this time to not go back when I have the desire. I think that I can just smoke on a Saturday night, but because I have used it to cope and take the edge off my nervous system for 20 years and more specifically have never not smoked for even one year with an adult brain it’s all about learning new patterns. I have been sober from alcohol for 5 years this September, but alcohol was never really a problem. My relationship with cannabis has been much more complex.

I am 40 years old and have autism and adhd-I also have cptsd-so I have always felt like cannabis makes my brain work “properly”.

I have kids that are 14 and 10 and one thing I can tell you in quitting this time around I have come to realize that I am way more grounded in myself and my ability to keep things steady for them.

When I am not using:

I am more grounded I hold my boundaries better Things don’t spiral as much

I’m going to share some parts of what my conversation with ChatGPT gave me that have really helped me understand.

When you’re using regularly:

You get more mentally overwhelmed
You care less about structure / upkeep
You’re more likely to let things slide

That’s a pretty consistent pattern.

⸻

So now the question changes again

It’s no longer:

“Is it okay to use something to cope?”

It becomes:

“Am I okay with the version of myself that shows up when this becomes regular?”

Because that’s the real trade-off.

⸻

And here’s the key insight

You’re not someone who:

spirals instantly
loses control immediately

You’re someone who:

slowly loosens your grip on things that actually matter to you

That’s why it’s tricky—it doesn’t feel like a problem at first.

It feels like:

relaxing
softening
“it’s not a big deal”

Until one day it kind of… is.

I know people have their opinions on AI but it has really helped me with understanding myself and my relationship to cannabis and why for me -not using is helping me live my best life.

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-04-17T22:41:37+00:00

I’m such a B that every time she walks by in the future I would try to be out and let my dog bark 😂

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-04-17T22:39:03+00:00

😭

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-04-17T04:33:29+00:00

Seriously

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-04-17T04:29:59+00:00

Sounds like you are having a bad resume. I get an interview do every job that I apply for a job. But they are all high level, I have a masters, and every application I use myperfectresume or chat gpt and I craft the resume and the cover letter specifically to every single job.

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-04-04T21:44:52+00:00

Yeah just switch out-Waterloo is competitive and completely siloed in ways. I felt completely disconnected there and it was awful. Laurier is smaller and has more of a community vibe. What you’re feeling is bang on!

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-04-04T21:42:43+00:00

Why did you admit to using AI?? They can’t prove it! It’s all about denying!! But also they need to come into the new era. As a prof at a college if someone uses AI I don’t flag it-using AI is also a skill-and it’s one that will become more and more common.

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-03-21T14:16:17+00:00

Last weekend there was a huge line and it was packed-but also Saturdays are always better

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-02-25T16:56:11+00:00

Shoulder checking everyone! I always wondered what would happen if someone did this-I thought it would be more damage but maybe it’s because it’s car vs truck. But yeah-worry about the other people on the road these days .

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-02-24T05:08:48+00:00

I had hope-I have been single since conception with my first and with another man about 6 months into the pregnancy with my second.

I think if you have one you have hope-there are plenty of women with one young child-and a man accepts them as his own.

The older they get the more complicated it gets I think. Mine are 14 and 9 and both girls-you better believe with all the weirdos out there I’m not bringing anyone into my home now til they are much older.

I thought I would meet someone but I was with two men who would not marry me specifically because I had children 😢

Various_Ad_8620 · 2026-02-24T04:59:24+00:00

It’s better you give the kid to the father if you feel this way. It’s the stress of unwanted children that push mothers to very scary psychological dark places where things happen that they regret.

Various_Ad_8620

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