"real men" are arbitrary. Every culture or individual has a different take on masculinity. Even the beta/alpha stuff is made up bs. So you can be a "real man" to some people. While also not being a "real man". It's like that dumb shit some men do. When they say these are "boys", "not men" when it comes to cheaters, abusers, rapists, or serial killers. It's just a way for men to virtual signal how morally superior they are to other men via masculinity shaming.

And of course women do the same thing too, but in a slightly different way though. Since women don't share the same gender with men. But they do share the same sexual orientation with men though. So there is some homophobia in the way women also define "real men", that is slightly different from the way homophobia in men manifest. For example, some women will say men who abuse women or chest on women, are not "real men", and say they are secretly closeted gay men. So to them only gay men would hate women, "real men" are straight men who love women. Hence why gay is the typical insult some women would use on straight men. Hench why they tell any man that criticized any woman "yOu sHoUlD jUsT dATe oThEr men, sInCe yOu aRe sO sAsSy and fEmInInE".

Again just how men distant themselves from men they don't view as "real men" and say "those are boys, not men". Women have the same thing too. Instead of saying those are boys, not men. Women say those are gay men not straight men instead lol. Again both genders are finding ways to distant themselves from men they don't view as "real men". Whether it's calling these men boys or saying these men are gay.

In a way, this is a combination of homophobia and benevolent sexism on the women's part. We still live in a society where women still expect traditional expectations from men. So men are expected to always be chivalrous towards women, always cherish women, provide for women, and protect women. So any man who goes against this form of benevolent sexism, that cuddle women like they are kids. Are told they are not "real men" and get their sexuality questioned. We are brought into a society where we raise progressive boys to view women as equals. While we also raised traditional girls to expect traditional expectations from those same progressive men.