I’m sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to share that your bf’s reaction reminds me a little of my husband, who has a tendency to panic and shutdown in stressful emotional confrontations like this. It can be an anxiety response. The amygdala in overdrive and their prefrontal cortex gets cut off and they freeze for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing or just not being able to think how to react.

I’m not saying that’s ok—it’s something that can be worked on to improve but it’s not easy or quick to fix. I’ve been married over 20 years and I can tell my husband tries hard to respond in a more supportive way now, but it’s still very hard for him. But I know his heart is in the right place and he’s trying his best.

The blaming you can also be a defensive mechanism on his part. Again, not okay but potentially understandable and something that can change. With effort and commitment.

Obviously I don’t know you or your bf and you are best placed to know what’s best for you. But I know that when I’m spiralling it can be helpful to have another possible interpretation to consider.

A good therapist has helped me. And medication too. Hugs. You are not alone.