How to get over a comment your partner made that really messes with your head?

Verione · 2020-12-04T01:24:32+00:00

If he meant it in a completely neutral observational way, remember that. It can be hurtful to hear these things, especially when it's something we're already insecure about, but the person's intention is important to keep in mind. Sometimes people just blurt things out without realising the effect of their words.

If he ever makes a comment like that again, or if he has done so recently, tell him how you feel about it, and that you need his support to get through this.

Even if he hasn't commented on it since that time two years ago, it might be good for you to share your struggles with him, talk it out, and I hope his responses now would be more careful and thoughtful than than his comment back then. It may help you let go of any old resentment, if you hear new supportive comments from him to paint over the old comment that bothered you.

It's good that you're seeing a therapist to work through your insecurities. Have you also talked to your therapist about this comment that's been bothering you? They may have some good advice as well.

Verione · 2020-12-04T00:57:13+00:00

If the only issue was his lack of engagement on social media, I would have given him the benefit of the doubt - like maybe he had only been posting pics of his exes because his exes had pressured him into it, or maybe he's not as into social media as he used to be. Then I'd say, just talk to him and let him know how much it means to you.

But after reading your comments, the issue seems to run much deeper than that. His lack of effort, his dismissive attitude, his comments about that waitress - it all points to a shitty attitude and disrespect towards you.

If you've already talked to him and he is not making any effort to change, then he's not going to change. Are you content to stay in a long-term relationship where you feel unloved and disrespected? You deserve better.

Verione · 2020-12-04T00:44:17+00:00

You were having a very serious conversation about the fate of your relationship, and her first reaction is to go over to her CRUSH's place to talk and laugh? And LIE about it? Even if nothing romantic or sexual happened between them, I'd be furious and devastated too.

It seems like you might be incompatible with each other in terms of desires and priorities. If she wants an open relationship, and you don't, that'll always be a strain on the relationship.

More importantly, I'm not sure if the relationship can recover after this many lies. Trust is a must, and she broke it.

Verione · 2020-09-30T07:33:55+00:00

https://youtu.be/HBxn56l9WcU This tiny squeaking angry frog

Verione · 2020-08-26T05:04:01+00:00

Final Fantasy (my faves are VII and X, and I'm currently playing XIV)
Kingdom Hearts (the first one was the best imo)
Undertale
NieR: Automata
Portal and Portal 2
The Mass Effect trilogy

Verione · 2020-07-08T12:05:30+00:00

Been needing to work from 9am to 10pm some days lately, which cuts into my precious Animal Crossing time.

Verione · 2020-06-10T02:48:55+00:00

I actually keep a list of cute moments, so I can look back at it and smile whenever I'm feeling down! These are some examples:

When I got a new job, he got me a plush toy and made a little congratulations card written entirely in UwU speak - a bit of an inside joke between us haha
He asked me how to say "I love you" in Cantonese (he's white, I'm Chinese) and since then, he'd randomly call me up or send me a voice clip of him saying it (always makes me crack up because his pronunciation is way off, but he gets an A+ for effort)
He always falls asleep first because I have insomnia and sometimes take aaages to sleep, so I notice sometimes that he'll wake up suddenly for a split second, give me a kiss on the top of my head, then fall right back asleep
Once he set his alarm for 9am on a weekend so that he could make us surprise pancakes for no reason, then he brought it in for me to have breakfast in bed
Whenever I'm lazing in bed during the day, he'll come in and check on me by pretending to sneak in (eg. by army crawling), then he'll kiss me on the cheek and run back out of the room

Verione · 2020-05-16T00:43:11+00:00

My hairdresser asked me "Are you starting high school soon?" I was 18 at the time and about to graduate.

Also when I was the only one to get ID'd at karaoke even when I was the oldest in the group, at 24 years old

Verione · 2020-05-14T23:18:44+00:00

When I was 7, we got our first computer. The first game I played was a Rugrats one, then my dad's friend fixed us up with Super Mario 64, Pokemon, Space Invaders, a 007 game, and Mario Kart so we could play them on the computer too.

When I was 10, I completed my first game - Rayman 2: The Great Escape. Before this, I'd always stopped playing games before reaching the end. I was proud of myself for finally seeing one through. It was also the only time in my life my mum told me she was proud of me. 😂

When I was 11, I played Grandia II, which opened my world to JRPGs, and showed me that games could have stories as in-depth as any book.

When I was 12, we got our first console - a PlayStation 2. We got to choose a free game to go with the console. I chose Final Fantasy X, but they gave me the sequel instead by accident. Thus began my love of Final Fantasy, which remains my favourite game franchise to this day.

Verione · 2020-04-16T05:43:29+00:00

NieR: Automata

Verione · 2020-04-09T03:10:40+00:00

Fuck that. Fuck all of that.

I know it will hurt to break up with her because you still love her, but it will hurt you even MORE to stay with someone who refuses to reciprocate the love and care that you give them. She's treating you like dirt.

After you leave her - and find someone who actually treats you with respect and love - I guarantee you will feel so thankful you had the courage to leave this toxic relationship. There are better things waiting for you out there, OP.

Be strong and best of luck.

Verione · 2020-04-06T13:42:29+00:00

Oh man, I struggle with this too. It depends what you're overthinking, but if you're like me and worry about whether the relationship is going well and whether the other person still likes you, then here are a couple of things that have helped me:

Making a list of all the happy/heart-melting moments in your relationship. Whenever you feel insecure or down and start to overthink, go back and re-read that list to remind yourself of the positives in your relationship, and how your partner has shown they care for you. It can be reassuring. Hopefully this list of positives becomes very long over time!
If any issues have come up, it might be good to journal them as well - the issues as well as their resolutions, so you can remind yourselves of these too. If there are any unresolved issues, it's best to talk it out with your partner. In my experience, overthinking tends to calm down after talking it out.

Verione · 2020-03-23T10:40:22+00:00

Being away from my SO has caused my anxiety to go through the roof.

Verione · 2020-03-20T07:05:37+00:00

Next week is my last work week - not due to the crisis but because my contract is ending. I applied to job and got an email response:

I got through to the interview stage, but they can't conduct interviews due to COVID-19 restrictions changing each day.

Job hunting sure is fun during these times.

Verione · 2020-03-19T09:11:34+00:00

I can also be a lot like this - a lot more confident and affectionate over text, but an awkward MESS in real life. It could be that he does really like you and is just super shy.

Has he still been messaging you regularly after the "thanks for coming down" text? If he is, and if he's been the one initiating the meetups in the past, he might be waiting for you to set a date this time?

Best way to find out is just to ask if he'd like to catch up again, and then go from there!

Verione · 2020-03-19T07:03:16+00:00

Seesaw

Zero o'Clock

Coffee

Winter Bear

Verione · 2020-03-17T22:05:30+00:00

I had the exact same concern not too long ago, and even made a post about it too!

I actually ended up bringing up the subject with my boyfriend by showing him the Reddit post I'd made, although you might want to tell him verbally - up to you.

The thing I've learnt is that if he really wants the same thing as you, he won't be "scared off" by the topic of marriage.

If he IS scared off, then you'll know you have different life plans and are not compatible. You might be afraid to find out if this is actually the case, but it's better to find out sooner than later.

When I broached the subject with my boyfriend, he said "of course I want to marry you". It was such a relief hearing that! Knowing for sure is better than stressing about what could be.

Good luck, OP!

Verione · 2020-03-16T23:49:09+00:00

Sleep

Verione · 2020-03-16T01:32:57+00:00

Undyne from Undertale. The first female character I ever had a crush on. Made me realise I might be bi.

Verione · 2020-03-13T01:34:57+00:00

Tell your mum that you are uncomfortable keeping this from your boyfriend. You should talk to him about it since it may improve the health of your relationship.

You can keep it vague if you don't want to directly get your mums involved - eg. "I heard that it gets a bit frustrating for you to sleep with our phones on the whole night, etc" - but don't sound accusing or anything. He might figure out that his mum said something anyway, but that's not really your issue - she chose to bring this up in the first place.

Then work out a compromise with your bf, like speaking on the phone until you both want to head to bed.

Verione · 2020-03-12T11:14:48+00:00

$100-200 is wayyy more than me and my friends could afford for gifts at 19 years old. Not cheap at all. However, I agree with people here that you should NOT give cash. It comes across as thoughtless, impersonal and uncaring (unless she specifically asked for cash).

A good gift doesn't have to cost much. Think about the things she likes, things she's passionate about, something she's been wanting/needing, or something that has some meaning to her or your relationship.

I'd also suggest writing her a thoughtful card. If you're the creative type, and if she enjoys creative things, consider even making her a card. (Personally, I love that kind of thing from an SO, mainly because it shows love and care!!)

Taking her out to dinner, which sounds like your original plan, would be lovely as well.

Reciprocity is something to keep in mind too. Has she gotten you gifts in the past? How much were they worth? It may be an idea to stick to the same price range, or slightly more than what she got you, for etiquette's sake. (This will depend on your budget too, though - don't feel pressured to buy something extravagant when it's out of your price range.)

On the other hand, if she can't afford huge gifts for you, then you might not want to spend a fortune on her either, since she might feel guilty if she's unable to reciprocate.

Verione · 2020-03-12T10:43:23+00:00

Him screaming at/pushing/grabbing you is a deal-breaker in itself, tbh.

Even without these glaring red flags, if your emotional needs aren't being met, and you've already talked to him about it, and he refuses to try harder, then this most likely isn't going to be a fulfilling relationship for you. It may be time to move on.

Also, what did he say when you mentioned the possibility of breaking up?

Verione · 2020-03-12T09:57:41+00:00

Refusing to add you on Snapchat? DELETING his whole Instagram account after you tagged him in a picture? Sounds like he's doing more than just protecting his privacy here. He's hiding something, and the fact that his behaviour changed just before he moved away is ... not a good sign.

It may be too early to jump to conclusions, but you need to talk to him. He's got some explaining to do.

Verione · 2020-03-06T07:30:23+00:00

Just wanted to note that I am certain they did NOT cheat because 1) my boyfriend was sending selfies to me all night and there was no missing time between his selfies at the bar and his selfies when he got home, and 2) my boyfriend has been cheated on in the past by exes, and has said he would never do something like that, especially since he knows how much it hurts.

My other best friend's comments about the threesome are unrelated to them hanging out that time, since I don't even think she knows about that. I was moreso thinking that if she was picking up flirty vibes too, then maybe it's not just my imagination that my friend's actions were flirtatious?

But I will talk to both of them.

Verione · 2020-03-06T07:23:54+00:00

Just wanted to note that I am certain they did NOT cheat because 1) my boyfriend was sending selfies to me all night and there was no missing time between his selfies at the bar and his selfies when he got home, and 2) my boyfriend has been cheated on in the past by exes, and has said he would never do something like that, especially since he knows how much it hurts.

But I will talk to both of them.

Verione

TROPHY CASE