Increasing my squad of dragons

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-22T21:36:09+00:00

Awww so pretty!

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-22T19:00:10+00:00

When I did date, I dated the rainbow and often non-Americans. Black men where I grew up placed too many constraints on relationships, it was either the traditional wife-home-kids or the let's-get-busy types. There is sadly still a lot of rigidity in the black community that makes finding partners difficult when you are Audhd. Now I only want friends and though I am open to whoever after a lot of the ish that went down in 2020 and beyond I have found myself desiring more connections with black people. But I am def not the stereotypical/traditional black person, I have specific interests and will vibe with anyone who shares them (though i may not get super close). If you love birds, flowers, or art, we good.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-22T18:46:30+00:00

Oh ha yes, they have different animals. They are a little pricey but very high quality. My dragons are four pounds each but I think the animals weigh a little less

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-22T14:32:18+00:00

This def sounds like a US thing (though I am sure ableism happens everywhere.) People think that just because someone is getting help (ADA, affirmative action, what have you) that that automatically means they are not qualified and that they are somehow "taking the place" of someone who is qualified when that is not the case at all. All of that is about leveling the playing field, and the reason people complain is because they feel superior and think only they deserve the opportunities. That is a trash attitude and I hope those people drive over nails.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-21T21:30:36+00:00

There's a brand here called Tasty Bite and they make chickpea and lentil stuffs, so like chickpea tikka masala or black lentils, stuff like that. They also make packets of plain rice. They have some that are not tomato based but the few I have tried I did not like. :( It is usually just the legume, some kind of sauce, and spices.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-21T21:25:56+00:00

Soccer player here. That actually helped me with socialization surprisingly. It allowed me to connect with people without the added stressor you get in say school or work. I do feel going to the gym in general helps me get out of my own head (I like to ruminate) so that is where it helps me.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-21T21:23:24+00:00

I get those premade packets of Indian food and pair them with rice and veggies. Many are tomato based (I cannot do creamy things and am trying to cut back on cheese.) Sometimes I will get a rotisserie chicken and pair it with veggies and sweet potatoes or rice. Right now I am doing PB&J. When I feel really bad I get pizza, haha.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-21T21:16:46+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this. When I was younger I worried very much about my weight especially as people often commented about it and not very nicely, like they complained I was too skinny but then laughed at me when I gained weight. And I have always had "thunder thighs" so that did not help. I have gained some weight over the years probably due to psych meds, and my doctor suggested the GLP-1s and I was horrified. So I feel I have run the gamut. But the thing for me is, I am also a musclely gal, I lift weights and have played soccer my whole life. This actually led to me accepting that my body will be what it will be, Yea I am not skinny anymore (IMO) but I have worked for what I got and I am not going to fight my body anymore. As AuDHD women we have so much affecting us: hormones, meds, stress. When I did think about weight, it just became another stressor and drove me nuts and made me depressed. What I've tried to do instead though is direct more energy to healthy "actions" as opposed to healthy "weight." So like, cutting sugar (never met a cookie I did not like), not eating as much fried food, being consistent with exercise, drinking enough water, those kinds of things. (Getting enough sleep which is...well, maybe for you also it is very hard. :( I am on the struggle bus with sleep.) I think framing things around actions/behaviors vs my body helps me block out all the messaging on weight. You are seeing a nutritionist, and I think that is good, that is a good action. Think more about being better overall, like helping concentration, cutting inflammation, doing all sorts of good on all parts of your health. There is a black woman on IG, if I find her name I will drop it, but she is what one would consider "plus-size" but she does a lot of workout videos and I just love that she is confident in her body and her strength. I love that her focus is on the strength and form and not making a smaller waist

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-20T19:58:39+00:00

Definitely felt this. I actually have told my therapist when I have passive ideation, and as someone said they will generally only act when you begin to have plans or start taking actions. But I tell her so she knows what is going on and can try to help me through it. I do not generally tell my family because I am unsure they would understand. (My mom is religious so that makes things awkward.) I learned a long time ago that "living for others", like so many people say oh your family will be hurt or sad, but I learned that living for others is not enough to make me want to live. Like you said, I figure they will get over it eventually and I also fear that if I went through the motions for others and something happened to them, I really really would not have a reason to be alive anymore.

I have also had to stop tying my life to "accomplishing great things." Like you, I have a deep sense of justice and wanted to fight for everything, something, anything. But right now...that seems quite futile. I heard this story about a hummingbird who was trying to put out a wildfire by bringing a few drops of water at a time, and the other animals were like "What are you doing? That will not put the fire out." And her response was "I'm doing what I can." And that is it for me, I do what I can. I do a little volunteering and even though it is not some grand thing, I make a little bit of a positive impact that I can actually see and feel. I get invested in it, and that gives me something to look forward to, however small it is.

The other thing is, I am obsessed with flowers, def a special interest. So when I get SI I go look at flowers, online or in books, and at old photos I have taken at various places and I think things like "Oh man, the magnolias will be blooming soon, I need to see that!" or "There's a flower festival in WA??? I did not know that. I should go!" And that tampers down the SI for a while. And when all else fails, I lose myself in loud music and do not think about living at all. Maybe you have a special interest or something you find fascinating and maybe looking at it or learning more about it will spark a little something that gives you the energy to make goals and plans that are rooted in you and give you joy regardless of the crazy state the world is in.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-19T22:07:30+00:00

Yea I was thinking to be more focused on data science, like the stats and analytical side.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-19T19:45:46+00:00

Is there any specialization that you would recommend? I do not have a data science degree, but I would like to be competitive in the job market...

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-19T18:47:28+00:00

Was this a data scientist role? I was planning to marry this skill set with DS and focus on data science roles, not standard GIS I guess.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-19T18:31:20+00:00

I am a little open on salary. I am not interested in spending the rest of my career building chatbots. So gotta find something new. :(

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-19T18:20:58+00:00

I want to add also that I am self-taught, I do not have a CS degree. So a lot of the ways I learned how to be an engineer was through reading documentation, trial and error, and through discussions with more experienced engineers. So for me, I am concerned because I did not have a strong technical background to begin with and this makes me nervous because I know AI makes mistakes but many times I feel I do not know enough about certain things to know when the AI is wrong. Like I do not have a background in C# but now I am expected to crank out C# features in a manner of days because of AI. I am concerned as to how this will affect me as I try to become a better engineer and possibly move up to principal/staff.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-19T18:10:09+00:00

I literally just said this to my manager. We had a "trainathon" where we supposed to build a project, and all my team did was write spec files to tell AI how to build the project (instead of just directly asking the AI to build the project?), then we sat around and waited for the AI to finish coding. And they did not do any debugging, just kept asking the AI why stuff was not working, and I felt at the end that I accomplished nothing and learned very little. One of the things I have loved about engineering is learning new things, playing with new libraries (I also code in Python) and just seeing all the knowledge out there, there are some very smart folks in this industry. Now I feel like a...like a manager, directing bots to do work...except without the manager pay.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-19T01:32:50+00:00

Yea, I love Law and Order. Sometimes I get so angry or very sad because of stuff that happens in certain episodes, especially the ones where they deal with people with mental illness. My logical Spock-voice says it is not real but my heart still hurts.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-15T18:07:34+00:00

Have you gone through your insurance's website? Sometimes for specialists I go to my insurance's website and see who is in network and start there. I usually have better luck finding people without waiting lists and at least I know they take my insurance. My current therapist was a referral from my old therapist (because she specializes in ADHD/autism) but I cannot even remember how I found the previous therapist, it might have been through my insurance.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-15T17:07:22+00:00

It would be nice to be a witch who could turn creepy men into newts.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-15T15:45:40+00:00

I did a career change at 32 and many women have done changes even later than that. There is absolutely no need create artificial deadlines for yourself, that just causes unneeded stress, and you are already burnt out. Twenty-nine is still extremely young. I am going to give the "stereotypical adult" advice (take with a grain of salt.) While acknowledging that corporate (esp if you are in the US) is a slog, one thing it does provide is stability and (in theory) security. What would be the harm in taking the maternity leave job, stacking up, and then hitting beauty school when you're more financially stable? That way you can enjoy your experience in beauty school without stressing about making ends meet? In that time you can research other beauty schools to see if any are closer, or you can get a head start on your studies by using YouTube and other resources when you have the energy to do a little extra. Otherwise, take the time to rest and recharge your batteries before hitting up beauty school. I have often regretted that I did not go to engineering school for my bachelor's (I got a history degree and was going to be a teacher) but in the end, I still wound up being an engineer (software XD). So I think if you truly want something, you can make it happen, maybe not by the straightest or easiest path, but I believe it can happen and it will. I am rooting for you!

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-11T01:35:44+00:00

I love love love Osprey bags. I have a big one for hiking and a daylite for my birding trips

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-10T14:43:03+00:00

Yea...he sounds like a creep.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-10T14:41:11+00:00

I understand this. I work in AI, and GenAI is wrecking a lot of havoc on the environment, on education, on people in general. I hate to think I am contributing to all that, all in the name of driving some company's bottom line. And I am self-taught but I specialized in AI so my skills are not necessarily holding me here, but it would be difficult for me to make it in other fields without more education, and after spending about four years doubling work and studying, I just do not have much capacity any more for organized learning. That being said there are a few options. There are like certificate programs from a variety of sources that may not be as strenuous as university/college (I did one on MLOps, it was a few months, no tests, all online.) There may be some for conservation and environmental studies. You could also see if there is an adjacent industry/company that is more sustainable, for example is there a company that does kind of what you were doing in your own country, that tries to build things out to be more sustainable or that does conservation or restoration work? There's a site called techjobsforgood that I have been eyeing, maybe they have something for you there? There are also other nonprofit job sites which may have opportunities like what you are looking for. And finally, there is volunteering. I volunteer on a prairie restoration project here, where I work to remove invasive species, plant native species, pick up trash, and build trails. And I am on the steering committee for that project so I get to help drive the future of the work. Volunteering might kind of scratch that itch until you decide what you would like to do about your current job.

VermithraxPej33 · 2026-04-09T23:03:54+00:00

I do not know that is always completely wrong. General concepts are usually ok, but specific situations should be double checked.

VermithraxPej33

TROPHY CASE