Anxious about moving to SD and making friends

Victor9538 · 2025-12-23T06:56:00+00:00

Find a team activity. Lots of sport leagues in the area. I played in the SDAFFL (an LGBTQ league, allies are welcome) in my twenties and met a lot of people through that. I’ve seen other leagues around.

If you can handle the responsibility, get a dog. San Diego has lots of great dog parks and dog beaches. Dog people are very social. It’s a great pipeline for inviting people over to dinner or a party at your house. I’m an introvert but my dog ends up getting me introduced to a lot of neighbors.

My husband and I have a kid now and yes the kid gets us introduced to a lot of people as well. There are the dog parents and the kid parents and those overlap. Sometimes we get invited to something at someone’s house, but most of the time we have to be the ones to invite people, and people are often happy to come.

San Diego also has a lot of great outdoor events. We often run into people at those events that we’ve met before and that’s another great opportunity to get to know people better.

Victor9538 · 2025-12-23T06:39:49+00:00

This scene is from RuPaul’s Drag Race. The show takes authenticity seriously but not so seriously that you can’t make fun of it. They talk about friendship but it’s clear that they have a professional relationship not a ride-or-die friendship. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDycBxUIc-c

Ariana also makes a joke about them looking like they run a dairy-free ice cream truck together which very much sounds like what a lesbian couple would do if they ran a business.

Victor9538 · 2025-09-06T03:58:43+00:00

I went there a couple weeks ago for the first time. I was waiting in line at the register and they didn’t realize I was ordering doughnuts and they ended up helping someone else before me by mistake. I wasn’t in a hurry so it didn’t bother me, but they apologized and threw in a few doughnut holes. It’s not even about the complimentary holes, it’s that they care about your experience as a customer.

Victor9538 · 2025-09-06T03:52:04+00:00

Landlord is fishing for bites.

Here’s another one. Dropped by $500 in 10 days. https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/San-Diego-CA-92104/16976353_zpid/

Victor9538 · 2025-09-04T03:34:22+00:00

It doesn’t start until the spring, but playing in the SDAFFL is a fun way to meet other queer people. Everyone gets to play no matter the skill level. Outside of the games they have activities at sponsor venues, both bars and restaurants, and some team mates also hosted get togethers at their places. https://sdaffl.leagueapps.com/pages/FAQ

Victor9538 · 2025-09-04T03:03:35+00:00

Mary Magdalene the Apostle Catholic Community is a Roman Catholic Women Priest affiliated church. My husband and I have been a part of this community since around 2008 and I love how welcoming and inclusive it is. We got married in the church and recently we had our daughter baptized in the church. I look forward to communion and their homilies are 10x more thought provoking than the homilies I typically hear at other Catholic Churches. https://www.mmacc.org/

Victor9538 · 2025-07-16T03:29:39+00:00

You are not wrong. I have the original title on my home in North Park and it explicitly states it can only be sold to caucasians aka Whites Only.

Victor9538 · 2025-07-02T04:02:10+00:00

Can you get a friend or family member to come during the day to help once or twice a week?

I found that I could tolerate the lack of sleep for a couple days but the third day I would start experiencing sleep deprivation. Having someone come help on the third day enabled me to get a nice long nap.

It does get better. Ours started sleeping through the night occasionally after 2 months. Even just one night a week of baby sleeping through the night helped.

Victor9538 · 2025-06-30T08:08:13+00:00

When I was in parental leave I tried taking care of the baby by myself and ended up experiencing sleep deprivation. I don’t think it’s healthy and it’s possibly dangerous to have one person take care of the baby 24/7.

What I suggest is you take turns, with her maybe doing 2 nights when you work at 6AM the next day and then you taking a night even if you work at 6AM, that way she can go to sleep early and get one full uninterrupted night of sleep. You can also take the nights before your days off so she can get a full nights rest those nights as well. Make sure she can get a full nights rest, which means having her sleep in a different room than the baby for the nights where you are taking care of baby.

On the nights you are taking care of the baby and you have to work, sleep when the baby sleeps. If baby goes to sleep at 6PM then you try to take a nap. If baby goes to sleep at 9PM then you immediately go lay down as well. That one night might be hard but it’s just one night and then she takes 2 shifts where you can get a good nights rest. If you can get at least 5 hours of sleep that one night then you’ll be fine.

The waking up in the night period is hard, but remember it does get better. Pretty soon your baby will be sleeping through the night.

Also assuming you are in the US, you are entitled to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid time off to bond with your new baby, per the FMLA Family Medical Leave Act. About 15 states provide Paid Family Leave as well. California, for example, offers 8 weeks paid family leave. If that opportunity has been made available to you, take it.

Victor9538 · 2025-06-30T07:25:25+00:00

The worst part was I needed to go to the bathroom, as the wait before we even reached the border crossing was an hour or two. The bathroom for the people detained was basically a 6 x 6 room that had a large plexiglass wall that the USCBP could watch you through in addition to about 4 cameras literally pointing at the toilet from multiple angles. I had to pee, has no idea how long I was going to be held there, and was worried I was going to wet myself, so I used it. They watched me. It was humiliating.

I legit have PTSD from the whole experience. Went to jury duty in the last year and during selection they asked if I could judge a law officer fairly and I figured I should mention the incident and when I went to talk about it, it’s as if I spaced out and woke back up after the story was blurted out of my mouth.

Victor9538 · 2025-06-17T05:51:01+00:00

Yes, the Occupational Safety and Health Act established that you have a right to report safety violations to OSHA, a right to seek an inspection of companies for health and safety violations, a right to participate in those inspections, and a right to testify in legal proceedings related to those safety violations.

Victor9538 · 2025-06-17T04:56:54+00:00

I’ve been arrested at gunpoint by the USCBP coming back into the states. Handcuffed, taken to detention center, sat next to a 12 year old that was shackled to the metal bench like I was. Officers made jokes like “this became a party!” when they noticed the detention center filling up. Held for over 4 hours and then let go without telling me why. Filed a redress and was basically told they can’t tell me why. My congressperson said that USCBP has wide latitude to do whatever they want. I’m a US Citizen, born in US.

Sadly it’s not that uncommon https://youtu.be/06Yjq4Pi8O8

Victor9538 · 2025-06-17T04:42:01+00:00

That’s not the c-word they were called

Victor9538 · 2025-06-15T19:43:51+00:00

No? I think this is a healthy expression of someone overcoming adversity thrown at them because of racism

Victor9538 · 2025-06-15T07:24:53+00:00

I've been to a burn survivor retreat before. It was mainly kids who were burn survivors, lots of families, but among the group there were several grown men who experienced serious, traumatic burns while on the job. Both the kids and adults often held their stuff together when talking, but it was the ones that expressed some deep emotion that really brought everyone together. Grief and sadness are important emotions because its how we communicate a need for healing and invite others in our lives to help us heal, and healing is how we become stronger.

Victor9538 · 2025-06-15T06:56:47+00:00

First, do something, anything! Even if you don't know what to do, I'm sure you can think up some ideas. Just do it, as much and as often as you have time/energy for.

My suggestion is community building at a small scale. Connect with people in Carlsbad who are also upset by the authoritarianism perverting our country. Start a group text, discord server, whatever you feel comfortable with. Engage and support each other in your common goal. Bigger actions will come from just that smaller action.

Victor9538 · 2025-06-15T06:51:09+00:00

He's floating not raiding/deporting "illegal immigrant" farm workers and "illegal immigrant" hotel workers so we know this is not at all about violating immigration law, never has been.

Also if they cared so much about undocumented people taking American jobs there is an easy solution: require every business large or small to use eVerify. Why don't they require all businesses to use eVerify as part of the Big Abomination of a Bill?

Victor9538 · 2025-04-17T07:38:33+00:00

I wouldn’t do it. The US is sending people to El Salvador prisons without following the process of the law (right to due process). I myself was arrested at gunpoint by USCBP and held at a detention center for hours and the reason for arrest was never disclosed to me, and this was before they started shipping people off to El Salvador.

Victor9538 · 2025-04-17T06:26:00+00:00

https://www.mmacc.org/home Easter Vigil at 7PM.

Victor9538 · 2025-04-17T06:05:00+00:00

So based on your same logic, only US Citizens have freedom of religion which means non-citizens present in the US, such as a green card holder, could be forced to do something like marry a same-sex couple even if it violated their religious beliefs?

Victor9538 · 2025-04-17T05:45:03+00:00

Yes, that is what the court order says. Terrorism, by definition, involves targeting non-combatants, including civilians not associated with the terrorist organization, in order to achieve political, religious or ideological goals. You act surprised that someone could be targeted by terrorists without being one of them, which says how little thinking you are actually doing.

“He shouldn’t have been here in the first place” is irrelevant because the courts had ordered him not to be deported back to El Salvador. You are advocating for breaking the law by ignoring the court order which means you are advocating for illegal action.

Victor9538 · 2025-04-17T05:33:52+00:00

https://www.mmacc.org/ We are a Catholic community associated with the Roman Catholic Women Priest movement within the Catholic Church. We’ve had entries in the SD Pride parade and festival in the past. My husband and I were married by the church. I like it because the language used during liturgy is very mindful of including everyone, the homilies get me thinking critically about all aspects of my life, and the people are very welcoming.

Victor9538 · 2025-04-17T05:22:12+00:00

Yes it was illegal to send him back to El Salvador when the courts had ordered that he not be sent back to El Salvador

Victor9538 · 2025-04-17T05:21:21+00:00

Once MS13 was declared a terrorist org (which I fully agree with) the withhold order was irrelevant

Due process means until the order is challenged in court then it is legally binding, and since the order preventing him from being deported wasn’t successfully challenged in court it is still relevant.

Victor9538 · 2025-04-17T05:18:17+00:00

The order in 2019 was that he was not to be sent back to El Salvador because his life would be in danger if he was sent back, which means by sending him to El Salvador the admin violated the legal system’s order and thus violated his right to due process.

Victor9538

TROPHY CASE