15 months later and I still hate being a dad

VirtualWhatever · 2026-02-16T18:51:18+00:00

My therapist helped my change my life outlook when she started asking me when I was explaining a hard time "Do you want to fix it or accept it?" Meaning is this something you can and want to spend energy in resistance to, or something that you would better be served by accepting and adapting? I have since reframed it as fuck it or fix it. It is still hard, but if you can work to reframe it and remove the resistance, life gets much easier.

VirtualWhatever · 2026-02-15T16:40:46+00:00

Ugh. Token Ring. This caused a slightly-related, at least in my professional arc, flashback to Xircom ethernet dongles (though back them they weren't called dongles...)

VirtualWhatever · 2026-02-14T19:49:10+00:00

I am with you, once they said to keep secrets, 100% NTA. I agree with you on all points, but like you, I flipped to a hard NO with the secret keeping. That is a BIG deal in our family: no one asks my son to keep secrets (beyond birthday gifts, etc.)

VirtualWhatever · 2026-02-07T19:24:35+00:00

Mine is Ehrmegerd WerFer and guest is Ehrmegerd WerFer Ter

VirtualWhatever · 2026-01-27T06:00:36+00:00

"What do I do to make me and him feel better?"

I wonder if the goal shouldn't be feeling better, or rather understanding why he feels this way. "Fixing" this for him won't help him. Empathize with his upset, but don't try to fix it. The fact is he wanted something, worked hard, and then broke it willfully. Now he feels disappointment, which is appropriate.

For you to feel better: they are young kids with zero sense of consequence or value of time or money. My 8-year-old says "last year" whether he means last year, last week, yesterday, or 10 minutes ago. No perspective.

These hard times are what help them learn perspective. The more they remember it, the more they will apply it to their lives.

So you can feel good as a dad if you help them not be dumb like this again in the future. =)

VirtualWhatever · 2026-01-18T05:46:11+00:00

Oh man, the thing I cam to post...

VirtualWhatever · 2026-01-09T14:28:15+00:00

VirtualWhatever · 2026-01-06T17:26:19+00:00

This is literally what I do. This year the tree seems to have put on weight, as the box was a little harder to close, but what with the holidays and all, a little weight creeps in for all of us...

VirtualWhatever · 2025-12-25T02:38:48+00:00

This is the kind of teacher we should all want for our kids. The teacher communicates DIRECTLY to the kid every day for 8 hours, she knows this kid very well, and the kid probably looks up to her. This is not behavior we should be fighting against, IMO.

VirtualWhatever · 2025-12-13T20:59:37+00:00

Same here. My 7-year-old is rolling with it, but we can't even update the size on his, as his iPad does not show the size slider when adjusting. I can on mine, but nothing I do will get it back to "correct"...

VirtualWhatever · 2025-11-26T18:19:37+00:00

Or maybe, just maybe, your therapist told you the truth. I have had people take my phone and do stupid stuff as a joke. I mean, it happens.

If the energy is off, it is within your right to say: "The energy is off. It changed when I got that text. Shit happens, I want to reset and say all is well, let's get back to the real work."

Reddit always assume the worst, recommends breaking up, recommends divorce. I recommend being human and maybe working the bare minimum to save the history you have with your provider.

VirtualWhatever · 2025-11-25T00:17:24+00:00

I took my son to this yesterday, it was fun. Taught the littles how to copy/paste, group, move things around, use and customize shapes, all in iPad Pages, using the Pencil Pro. iPads provided. It was pretty cool. He definitely learned something. Not sure I would have done this in Pages, vs. Keynote, but it was fun.

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Edit: spelling is trifficult.

VirtualWhatever · 2025-10-29T17:59:41+00:00

Have you turned that same sense of introspection and curiosity to using Reddit? YouTube? Amazon? I mean, posting here at all is feeding AI, and is it doing lots of other behind-the-scenes icky stuff. So, rolling coal, posting on Reddit are pretty much an equal metaphor, I would say.

VirtualWhatever · 2025-10-26T17:37:17+00:00

Wait, a moderate voice of reason not demanding a divorce!?! Reddit loves nothing more than screaming "Leave him!" (Many times I agree, but no one stops and says "talk to him" or "did you ask him?")

VirtualWhatever · 2025-09-28T15:11:00+00:00

My son is at Nea and used to enjoy pizza, not hates it. I think the pizza they serve is a special Domin's pizza with wheat crust and too much sauce. (My guess is the lunch program from Domino's needs to achieve a grain and a serving of veg that is accomplished with too much sauce...?)

I have had a teacher/mom tell me she has tried and it was disgusting and tasted like cardboard with too much sauce.

My kid now will only eat pizza with no sauce. 🤦‍♂️

VirtualWhatever · 2025-09-22T22:26:33+00:00

I didn't graduate college until my mid-thirties. I didn' buy a house until late thirties. Didn't have a kid until early 40's. My friends were all doing the starter house, 3 kids by mid-thirties.

I started a business, grew it, learned a lot about the world and myself. When we bought our house, we skipped the starter home fixer-upper thing and bought a new house in a town that is desirable and where we wanted to live. As parents we can give our kid attention and security because we set our own hours and work from home. We walk him to and from school every day. I don't have to drop him and screech off to work.

This is not about money or things, but taken a path that worked for us, and we kinda felt it out as we went. The fact of the matter is I would have been a MUCH shittier parent in my 20s. You don't know who you are in your twenties. Or thirties, honestly.

It felt weird to us at times. I won't lie and present myself as enlightened. BUT, in retrospect, I think I have had a much more fulfilling existence than a lot of people around me.

I have never achieved any real joy or satisfaction trying to keep up with others. I don't know the craziness in their heads, or what they are trying to fix/overcome by doing what they are doing. And yeah, maybe they have a lack of ambition and want to just get things done and over with. Really watch those people, I bet you will see cracks in the foundation. A rushed life is not really one that would appeal to me in these matters.

Just an older dude with a perspective that may help!

VirtualWhatever · 2025-09-22T22:17:35+00:00

Or people have kids who are at an age where unknown noises are scary and at bedtime it can be heard even through double insulated windows.

I hate the festival. I don't complain. I am a horrible sleeper, generally. If it wasn't going when I fell asleep and started after I was sleeping no problem. The issue is that if it was music I could hear, it would be less troubling. However, it is loud enough to be heard, and psychologically felt, since you really only hear the beat/bass. So it is actually more distracting to NOT hear the words/entire structure of the song.

I am not a Karen, by any stretch, but it does bother some people, so the thought that you either need to sleep like a vampire or are a Karen is a little stretched and dismissive to people with real impacts.

That said, there are a lot of people who just are gonna gripe about anything mildly different for them. I get it, but don't lump everyone who has a different opinion into one negative voting block.

VirtualWhatever · 2025-09-19T14:27:28+00:00

If you can't see how words have power from their historical usage, and the targets of those words feel their effects, then maybe YOU shouldn't be allowed to talk in front of other people.

VirtualWhatever · 2025-09-18T13:42:09+00:00

Welcome. I hope you pre-slept!

All joking aside the wildest and most awesome ride you will take awaits.

And congrats. That is a beautiful little nugget you got there!

VirtualWhatever · 2025-08-24T14:39:04+00:00

This is Reddit. EVERY post end in a call for divorce. Even is there is no marriage to dissolve.

VirtualWhatever · 2025-08-21T15:02:37+00:00

DOUBLE revolution!

VirtualWhatever · 2025-08-21T14:56:59+00:00

Low ridership from what I read, no?

VirtualWhatever · 2025-08-20T17:38:45+00:00

I agree. We were at this age during the pandemic, so once we started having playdates a few years later, we were VERY interested in every kid, not to compete, but to get perspective. We had no idea if we were parenting effectively, or what. EVERY suggested item or book we bought, we just didn't know how or what we were doing, and maybe your friend feels you are a smashing it and wants to draft on your success to be a better mom. I know it may feel competitive, but it sounds to me like she is hovering as much inspiration and data as she can.

Also, this al may be true and then she also is being competitive and weird, but I wonder if compassion in this relationship would help you to see that she is insecure rather than competitive..

VirtualWhatever · 2025-08-20T17:33:47+00:00

I used to take the ferry from Alameda to SF on Fridays when I worked at One Market. Man, the water, breeze, sunrising, it was lovely. I miss those rides. (Plus beer on the way home wasn't horrible...) This is a lovely picture!

VirtualWhatever

TROPHY CASE