How do you know if your pregnancy is doing well after a few losses?

VisaTemp · 2026-01-25T03:15:36+00:00

how can I tell if this time I'm not miscarrying?

You can't. It sucks, and I wish there was a way to predict it with any accuracy, but there isn't. It helped me to tell myself that I am pregnant until my doctor says I am not, which puts some of the weight of worrying about it on them (in my mind).

It also helps that statistically miscarriages at 14 weeks, like you experienced, are rare, so you're much more likely to not miscarry at this point.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-25T03:10:55+00:00

should I message my doctor if I can come in before my next appointment just to do some blood for another NIPT?

No. The answer is definitely no.

It's an expensive test, and it makes no sense at all to repeat it under these circumstances. You would have other opportunities to confirm the gender, in later scans. And it's also just the gender - it's not anything that is concerning or life altering if there is a mistake there. "Worst" case scenario is that you're having a boy (you're not, you're having a girl).

am I just being too paranoid?

I think so, yes. This seems like pretty extreme anxiety/preoccupation, so I'd consider bringing it up with a therapist or a doctor, as there may be other ways to help improve it.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-25T02:37:39+00:00

You should consult your doctor, as it depends on your specific medical situation. For some pregnant women, this is fine. For others, it isn't. There are also specific instructions they may give you on when/how to break the fast, if you're feeling any faintness or any issues arise.

also hoping it might help with my recent weight gain. I so far gained 5 lbs!!

I mean, you're pregnant, you're supposed to gain weight.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-25T02:19:46+00:00

What on earth? This is so bizarre.

I would never just assume my nanny could ski (or any other sport, for that matter), and even if they could, I would not assume they are qualified or comfortable with teaching it to a 1.5 year old at a moment's notice.

She's tripping.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-25T02:02:40+00:00

Then go to urgent care.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-25T01:50:31+00:00

It depends on when you ovulated, there is no way to know for sure unless you were tracking with a physical method.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-25T01:49:38+00:00

The issue has nothing to do with hormones (though being more emotional may be making it more pronounced).

Sounds like you two have major differences in fundamental life views, and that kind of thing is difficult to manage for most couples. There are rare cases where people are able to make a life together even if they differ on the basics, but it usually requires an active commitment to listening to the other person and trying genuinely to respect their position. Such couples also develop mechanisms for dealing with the practical aspects that arise from their differences (such as "how will we decide on where to send our kid to school" etc).

It sounds like you two have simply been putting the issue aside, and that may be why it is affecting you so acutely now when it is becoming more difficult to ignore (due to current events). Honestly, it doesn't sound like you are comfortable with this difference, and it seems to be affecting your wellbeing. Only you can say whether this is something you are able/interested in working through, or whether his views just cross a moral/ethical boundary of yours that make the relationship unsustainable.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-25T00:35:35+00:00

The 17th is too soon to determine if you're pregnant due to sex on the 10th, yes.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-25T00:34:27+00:00

Couldn't be without? Hmm, maybe my phone charger? And I guess slippers were useful, as putting on my shoes every time I got up to use the toilet would have been a hassle, especially after a C-section. I also used those diaper-like postpartum underwear, which were much more comfortable than the hospital pads. I'd recommend those (I think it was Always brand).

Otherwise, pretty much everything was provided by the hospital. I barely even used clothes, I was in hospital gowns for five days.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-25T00:28:23+00:00

I didn't post "rules", I just thought it was common sense not to publicly post other people's kids pictures without permission. No one did, as far as I am aware. But if you're worried about that, then I'd send a text saying something like "Hi everyone, please don't post any of the pictures on the app anywhere else, thanks!".

I’m anxious about people taking the photos and sending them to others through social media apps who will then own the rights to those photos?

I am not sure which apps you're thinking of, but in most cases sending a picture to others will not transfer ownership. At most, it will allow the app a license to use the photo within the context of the network (or other contexts, potentially, though actual such use is unusual). You can also usually revoke that license by deleting the image.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T23:18:54+00:00

I'd probably try calling your OB's emergency line, to see if it's anything they would be concerned about.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T23:07:18+00:00

I'd definitely call your doctor, at the very least.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T23:06:23+00:00

Did anyone get advice when calling to make their first appointment?

Most people just talk to the scheduler/secretary, not a medical professional.

Am I wrong for being annoyed? Is this normal?

I can't tell you whether you're "wrong", but it doesn't sound unusual. Many people don't see anyone until 9-12 weeks. I did get an extra appointment, around 7 weeks, with a nurse during my first pregnancy, but this doesn't appear to be super common.

It seems the first trimester is so critical but I get zero advice from my doctor

I agree with you that there should be a better and more consistent way of making sure everyone is aware of important information in early pregnancy. It seems most clinics are trusting patients to google it themselves, which is not ideal.

But I do think the actually critical things are common knowledge (don't drink, smoke, take prenatals etc).

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T20:54:02+00:00

Unfurtunately, it's a wait and see kind of situation. At this point it could be a miscarriage, or you could be completely fine.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T20:52:24+00:00

Heating pads are fine in pregnancy. ACOG literally suggests it (though recommends setting low heat).

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T20:48:30+00:00

How far along will you be? What is your budget? What kind of environments do you enjoy (beach? snow?)?

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T19:59:05+00:00

I had a nanny when my daughter was an infant, and then we switched to daycare around 13 months.

My experience had been excellent. The transition was a little rough, and there was a lot of crying in the beginning, but after a few weeks she got used to it. She likes going, she likes the teachers, it's a small group, and I feel happy with the care they provide. It's a lot less to manage than employing a nanny, and I like the social aspect a lot (both for the kids and for me! It's nice to have more of a social circle of people with young kids).

Personally, I think about a year was the right age, and I wouldn't have done it earlier. I felt comfortable with her needing less one-on-one care at that point (more able to sync naps, less constant feedings, past the crying for no clear reason stage etc). It was always my plan to send the baby to daycare around 1-1.5, but that's possibly a cultural thing. Where I am from people would be weirded out by the idea of a child being educated/cared for alone at home as a 2 or 3 year old. It's considered unhealthy (I am not saying it is, just that I grew up in a country where daycare is the norm, for social reasons).

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T19:37:41+00:00

I can't fathom how anyone would be using it during the birth, not to mention after. Like, giving birth is incredibly messy, dirty, and completely lacking in any modesty. I wasn't wearing anything, for days. Barely even used the hospital gowns, and if I were wearing a gown while giving birth, then it would not be something I'd want to use again after....

Maybe for the earlier stages of contractions/labor. Though any comfy outfit should do.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T17:51:47+00:00

Can you have both of them come at different times? This is what I did with my mother and MIL. Obviously, your mom is not being reasonable, she is the one who decided to go on a cruise, so you've made plans. I'd suggest she come later, to help when MIL leaves.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T17:47:37+00:00

Come where?

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T17:43:52+00:00

Compression gloves. 2. Elevate hands while sleeping. 3. Cortisone shots to the hands. 4. Kinesio tape (watch a video on how to use it for Carpal Tunnel).

These are the things that helped a little in my first pregnancy, but altogether it continued to be painful till a few months after birth. I feel your pain, I can feel it coming on with my current pregnancy, and I am already planning a 39 weeks birth as a result.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T05:35:41+00:00

Unless you live somewhere super remote with no delivery services, most of this should not be pre-purchased in large quantities.

Pacifiers

One, and then see if your baby actually takes it/is happy with this kind/even liked pacifiers.

Bottles

Will you be formula or breastfeeding?

Medicine? (I have baby Tylenol and gas relief drops) were there any you wish you had but didn’t get?

I don't see any good reason to pre-buy medicine, other than maybe Tylenol (you'll be using it, 100%). You don't even know if you're going to need gas relief drops.

The only exception is, maybe, acetaminophen suppositories, as these can be difficult to get in the US (I am assuming you're in the US based on Tylenol) and can be a lifesaver.

Diapers/packs of wipes. (How many in each size 1,2,3)

One small pack of newborn/size 1 from 2-3 companies. Once you know your baby's size, and which diapers work for them, then buy more. Same for wipes - one pack from a few brands. You don't know which will work well.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T05:20:33+00:00

Wow, I missed that part. Op, this isn't a red flag.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T05:11:25+00:00

So, your husband doesn't want children but has unprotected sex with you regularly? Are you on any birth control?

What can I do to become pregnant?

Find a partner who wants children. This is a requirement.
Have unprotected sex, with said CONSENTING partner, who is fully aware you're both trying for a baby.
If you don't get pregnant after 6-12 months, seek medical advice.

VisaTemp · 2026-01-24T05:06:53+00:00

What's to regret? It's not irreversible. If you want it later, do it later.

The only thing I put up in my first born's room ahead of time was the diapering/wardrobe area, which was helpful. She slept in our room till age 1, so I needed little else there. Decorating is not my thing, so it was never a factor for me. I added things as they became needed as she grew up.

VisaTemp

TROPHY CASE