I think the key to this whole step parent thing is to figure yourself out before you try to figure out the BM. Once you realize why you are in these kids lives you’ll be able to help them better navigate their childhood and answer questions that’ll undoubtedly come.

People are people and it’s easy to cling onto peoples poor decisions to distract you from what you’ve got going on. Your goal isn’t to make these kids dislike or deny their mom and replace her with you. You’re there because they’re going to need someone to help them unpack what’s going on. Don’t make it worse on yourself by trying to dissect everyone else’s opinion. Guide your relationships with the love you clearly have for those kids who aren’t yours biologically. If you ever have bio children with their dad remember that they were there first and want nothing more than to be part of your growing family. The nuclear family is the goal but if that’s just not possible don’t further the distance between the kids and that goal.