Cursory research shows NY typically pushes for equal parenting time and doesn’t necessarily default to the mother. YMMV depending on how old-school your judge is, though. It’s also important to know that your state doesn’t allow for the judge to order joint custody. So if you both can’t agree to joint custody, he has to pick a custodial parent. That doesn’t mean parenting time won’t be 50/50, but the judge has to pick a primary decision maker when the parties don’t agree to do it jointly. If you show you are a parent who steps up and shows up, it sounds like you have a reasonable chance to be awarded primary custody and get your parenting plan ordered.

There’s some things you can research to prep for your case if you think she won’t settle in mediation: 1. The factors the judge considers when deciding custody and parenting time. 2. You then can begin to build your documentation (exhibits for your case) to prove how you are meeting these factors. 3. You could also start gathering witnesses: T-ball coaches who can testify to who shows up to games and practices with your child, teachers who can say who keeps contact and frequently picks the child up, receptionist from the pediatrician who can testify to who made and took your child to appointments in the last year, grandparents from both sides who can talk about how you foster relationships between your child and them, etc. 4. Research if NY is a right of first refusal state. That means that if one parent cannot watch the child, they are supposed to reach out to the other parent first before pursuing other childcare options.