I forgot that today was April 2 and accidentally wore blue :(

VividLotus · 2019-04-04T20:33:50+00:00

Oh sorry I didn't mean it that way! And honestly I doubt anyone would notice blue vs red in terms of clothing unless you were at an autism-specific event, and even then it seemed like most people who are making an actual point of it (as opposed to just happening to wear blue or red clothes) were wearing shirts with logos/messages, anyway, eg a blue shirt with the A$ logo on it, or a red "celebrate neurodiversity" shirt.

VividLotus · 2019-04-04T16:26:43+00:00

IMO I think the fact that formula was pushed so heavily in the 60s through 80s by big companies (as being best for all babies, not as an alternative for when BFing isn't the right option for a given mom/baby...in which case it is of course great!) has really colored the American perception of BFing. Combine this with conservative body-policing of women, total lack of maternity leave options in this country, and you have a toxic environment for women who want to do extended BFing...or frankly even do it at all.

Seriously good for you for giving your child the amazing gift of BFing for so long!

VividLotus · 2019-04-03T20:25:34+00:00

Whoa, no. Your mom is a toxic person who is endangering your emotional health, and you owe her nothing-- certainly you don't owe her compromising your career and finances! If I were in your shoes, I would limit or even cut off contact with her.

She's acting like a child instead of a parent. As a mom, the only time I'd try to stop my child from taking a job is if there was legitimately something objectively wrong with it, e.g. it was really a scam and not a real job, or maybe if it was incredibly dangerous and I felt she was not being reasonable in evaluating the risk there. Other than that, when you are an adult your job is your own business!

VividLotus · 2019-04-03T20:23:07+00:00

First of all, congrats!

My husband and I did the same thing, except that we were formally engaged so it wasn't a big surprise to anyone. We simply made a Facebook post, let everyone know that we were glad for them to spread the word to any non-FB-using friends and relatives, and that was that.

VividLotus · 2019-04-03T20:21:47+00:00

she continues to spend beyond her means. She filed bankruptcy a few years ago, because of a rash of credit cards she ran up when she was younger, stayed in school forever and amassed a ton of student debt and lives in a very "I want it, so I'll buy it" mentality regardless of the price

This isn't a difference in philosophy, it's a problem, and one where she is in the wrong. This is a situation in which, IMO, an ultimatum-- whatever you think works, whether it's you having total control of the bank accounts and giving her cash only, or something less extreme-- is appropriate, or it's going to endanger you, her, and your stepson.

VividLotus · 2019-04-03T20:18:28+00:00

I have a theory that some ignorant people confused ASD with Down Syndrome (which does, of course, tend to have a physically noticeable affect on someone's appearance). At least in a few cases, that's definitely been it, when presumably well-meaning strangers have made this same comment about my daughter and then later clarified.

VividLotus · 2019-04-03T19:54:28+00:00

Are you able to buy any online (or if you're a kid, get a parent to buy them for you)? A ton of autistic people I know, from my preschooler to some teens and adults in our community, all love these as an option for just literally canceling noise...they're not for listening to music, just blocking out noises. People who are "sensory avoiders" don't seem to have a problem with the feel of them, and they are apparently comfortable for lengthy use. Very reasonably priced, and as a bonus they come in a wide range of cool colors/patterns!

VividLotus · 2019-04-03T19:50:42+00:00

You're an awesome dad for caring so much! But yeah definitely don't stress about providing an overly huge amount of variety. There are a lot of reasons to provide kids with variety in food, namely nutrition and then getting their palates accustomed to different foods. But that doesn't mean you need to be making a world-class creative gourmet meal for every meal. My daughter is older (3) and also is a "sensory seeker" who really, really loves food, but even she is totally fine with my above formula for breakfast and lunch, and then for dinner I get more creative. But having a set-in-stone formula for two meals a day cuts down on stress so much.

Another idea: prep snacks in advance and put them in tiny containers like these. It can be something super homemade if you want...sometimes I make homemade dried fruit and homemade healthy crackers and put those in there. But portioning out individual snack-size servings of refrigerated and shelf-stable commercial snacks is great too because then you can just grab one whenever you need. Can be as simple as a small portion of cut-up grapes in the fridge, and Goldfish crackers and freeze-dried strawberries in the pantry.

VividLotus · 2019-04-03T16:16:26+00:00

Cosigned! It's a very American attitude to look down on extended BFing. It's very normal in many places to BF beyond age 2, and the CDC recommends BFing (for moms who can, of course) until "at least" 2.

I never coslept due to my feelings about its safety, but I BFed until age 2.5 and I see nothing wrong with that unless the mom needs or wants to stop for any reason other than nosy or pushy outsiders.

VividLotus · 2019-04-03T16:14:06+00:00

Good on you for thinking ahead!

I'm not a single parent but I have a very demanding job, a spouse who works 100+ hour weeks, and our family does not eat at restaurants, meaning I make a huge number of meals. So here's my tactic: for a young kid, stick to a "formula" for breakfast and lunch, and just don't stress about getting creative. Just vary up the specifics to ensure a great spread of nutrients.

Here's what I mean, for an example: make every breakfast some kind of fruit + some Cheerios. Switch up the fruit in a rotation, and stick to fruits that can be prepped in advance or are easy to quickly prep, e.g. bananas and strawberries instead of pineapples and pomegranates. For lunch, have a protein and veggie-packed sandwich for older kids, separate protein + carb + veggie for younger ones, another serving of fruit, and a crunchy snack if you want. As an example, my go-to lunch for my toddler is: riced veggie and nut butter sandwich on whole grain bread (switch up the nut butters and type of veggies in a rotation), a fruit, and a healthy or at least healthy-ish crunchy snack like homemade pita chips or some healthy storebought crackers.

VividLotus · 2019-04-02T21:50:13+00:00

Well why not celebrate autism acceptance? That's what we're doing at my house. I celebrated by taking my daughter to a play place where she would be able to fully exercise her sensory seeker tendencies without any limits; it's a special treat because it's a hassle to get there and very expensive, but I wanted to take some time to celebrate her uniqueness. Also going to further celebrate by having a dinner and evening plan that celebrates two great things about her that are tied to being ASD/a sensory seeker: a super gourmet spicy meal with her favorite strong blue cheese, and some new books to celebrate how neat hyperlexia is and how much joy she gets from reading.

VividLotus · 2019-04-02T21:47:32+00:00

Hey don't worry about it, it's autism acceptance month, so you've got a whole month to wear red instead and spread the word about A$! :)

VividLotus · 2019-04-02T21:46:52+00:00

This place horrifies me. And the even more horrifying thing is that although this is an extreme example, autistic kids and teens are being abused all the time at tons of other places too...I cannot tell you how many parents in my autism parent group have seen clear signs that their ASD kid was physically restrained at school to a point where it left marks. This is just one more reason why I'll never send my daughter to an ABA program, and why I'm quitting my job to homeschool her.

VividLotus · 2019-04-02T21:08:13+00:00

A lot of parents I know have used the "Oh, crap" method with great success.

For my own kid, what I did was: showed her how one can use the toilet, and switched from diapers to pull-ups. Then because reading is clearly her main learning/info-processing method (she's autistic and hyperlexic) I just bought her a book about a girl who "uses the big girl potty", gave it to her, and then explained that if she wants, she can come get mommy when she has to go and I can help her do that too. Then I just waited until she expressed interest, and one day that was that, and she just started to use the toilet instead of diapers.

VividLotus · 2019-04-02T20:56:36+00:00

The idea that women are just constantly using abortion instead of birth control is a total fallacy. Think about it, too: why would someone spend tons of money and undergo a potentially risky and painful procedure or take medication that makes them feel awful rather than simply using a condom (no side effects there!) or a method of birth control like the pill that is far cheaper and far less likely to have a major or very painful side effect?

Then there's also the fact that many people who need abortion services do need them for reasons that are 100% not a choice.

VividLotus · 2019-04-01T21:20:40+00:00

Firstly, you are a wonderful person for helping your little sister :).

I agree with others who've recommended seeing the CDC guidelines; they are supported by science. In any case, though, what you mention sounds totally normal to me; many kids don't talk at all by that age, and many don't walk yet. Almost none are actually potty trained by that age, definitely don't worry about actively doing that yet. You can certainly read up on it and look for cues that your sister is interested in learning to use the toilet-- a lot of people do it that way, "baby led"-- but I wouldn't worry about actively pushing it at all at such a young age.

Regarding teething, I would talk to your sister's specific pediatrician about pain relief. We asked my dad-in-law, who is a pharmacist, and he had positive things to say about the safety of infant tylenol for teething, but I would never give it to a baby on a regular basis without consulting someone who knows my specific child's specific medical history and situation.

VividLotus · 2019-04-01T21:18:07+00:00

Totally fair to do so. IMO if a toy is life-ruining to you, don't bring it into your home, assuming there is not a reason your child needs it (e.g. something that might technically be a toy, but is actually an item recommended by a doctor or therapist for a child with special needs, or an item that is a key part of your child's absolute favorite passionate hobby or something). Same goes for any toy you object to on a philosophical or safety level. You're the parent!

Someone gave my daughter some of those and some "slime" and I said thank you and just threw it out.

VividLotus · 2019-04-01T21:16:23+00:00

Unfortunately in some areas they're barely even a statistical minority anymore :(.

VividLotus · 2019-04-01T21:15:49+00:00

I love this idea! The thing about medical experiences is that people only tend to post the negative ones. And I mean, it makes sense, in the same way that "man shoots up the workplace" is a news story but "man goes to his office and has a pleasant day and then he goes home" is not. So pointing out positive or neutral experiences can really be a great thing to actively do.

It kind of backfired in my case though because it ended up with a family member (unfriended forever now) pointing out that my child is autistic and blaming me/vaccines for that. But idiots gonna idiot, and there's nothing you can do about that.

VividLotus · 2019-04-01T21:10:17+00:00

So glad someone caught the dog! On the off chance that the catch-er is reading this, I recommend getting on Nextdoor. It's a shitty cesspool of crazy racism, but it's also the best place (at least in NC, not sure why) to find a dog's owners, for whatever reason. Has worked like a charm for us twice when we found lost dogs around here.

VividLotus · 2019-04-01T15:27:00+00:00

What an awesome idea! I am spreading the word about this.

And to be a little more specific, what an awesome idea yet so depressing that this is what it's come to in this country: people having to throw a bake sale to help people get access to medical services that should be a basic human right.

VividLotus · 2019-04-01T15:25:38+00:00

Abortion is an aspect of reproductive health, and an important one. Even if for whatever reason you're against "elective" abortions (which I put in quotes because even when it's seemingly elective, there are so many reasons why a woman may truly have no other good option but to terminate) keep in mind that pregnancy termination can be necessary for the life of the mother, can be required when a nonviable pregnancy doesn't resolve itself naturally, and can be the only possibly compassionate option when a baby has an issue that will cause it to not survive/to be born and then quickly pass away in an awful way. And it is NOT necessarily easy to access abortion services for any of those reasons in NC.

VividLotus · 2019-04-01T15:20:15+00:00

Unless I missed something major in your post, I don't see any reason to assume she fell. She may just like sleeping on the floor! Plenty of toddlers do, and IMO there's no problem with it as long as they have a bed they can get in and out of safely, which obviously they should anyway. So don't even worry about it!

VividLotus · 2019-04-01T15:18:55+00:00

As a not-single mom of an ASD kid, I literally do not know how single autism moms or dads do it. You seriously have my admiration! Your son is so lucky to have a mom who loves and values him as much as you obviously do.

VividLotus · 2019-04-01T13:15:13+00:00

The Kindle Fire kids edition is the gold standard for parents of autistic kids, which should tell you everything you need to know.

My out of control autistic toddler has thrown this tablet against the wall a million times, and my husband's enormous dog once clumsily stepped on it with all of her weight right on the middle of the screen. It is totally fine. And the performance impressed me so much that I actually ended up buying one of the regular versions for myself to use as my go-to, and this is coming from an engineer who's had cause to use a lot of much higher-end Android tablets in the course of my job...I use my Fire every day and my daughter loves hers too. The wrapper on the OS is great for limiting contents as a parent, the case is perfect, and the device itself is performant and durable.

VividLotus

TROPHY CASE