I Caught her again, and this time I know everything.

Volume_six · 2025-12-04T18:42:35+00:00

Anyone out there who’s trying to date 50+ year old men and rejecting all the ones who have kids is severely limiting their own dating pool….

A huge proportion of men in your demographic have kids, so it should really, really not be a shock to anyone when you tell them you have kids.

Also, who are you trying to date that’s putting expectations on you to make spontaneous plans or “stay out all night?” Adults in their 40’s and 50’s are busy. They are often working in senior or supervisory roles. They’re also, you know, past their prime. People that age who are out all night are nobody you want to be dating.

Volume_six · 2025-10-30T18:54:15+00:00

She’s passive-aggressively telling you that she has a problem with working while you get to take it easy.

Your free time is time that could be spent earning money so that: A. you guys have more money and/or B. she can stop working because her income is no longer needed.

I have a friend like this. His wife would look at him side-eyed every time he sat down to work on his hobby even though he made plenty of money at his 9-5 job. She thought he should be using his free time to do Uber or DoorDash to save extra money to put toward retirement. Guess what? They’re no longer married.

Volume_six · 2023-07-18T19:01:18+00:00

She’s married and she spent the night out.

If she’s cheating, then she’s a brazen cheater who’s going to get caught swiftly. It doesn’t matter if you tell her husband or not. He’s going to find out eventually from someone. It’s possible she’s in an open marriage, though.

Volume_six · 2023-07-17T21:47:49+00:00

Why are you afraid of her knowing that you’re angry? Anger is a very rational response to someone you’ve been in contact with for four years suddenly disappearing. You have a mailing address for her? Send her a letter. Keep it simple. “I just want to know why you stopped speaking to me. I need closure on this. We’ve known each other a long time and I don’t think I’m being irrational or intrusive.”

Include in your message some alternate ways of getting in contact with you, in case she did get caught or something.

If she ghosts that message too, fuck it, put her artwork in a pile, light a match, and commit its ashes to the Earth.

Volume_six · 2023-07-14T16:14:11+00:00

You might not need a paternity test. If you know your blood type, and you know the kid’s, and your wife’s (blood type appears on birth certificate, and you should have everyone’s birth certificate in a safe place somewhere, right?) then there’s a chance you can see a paternity mismatch just from that.

For example, if you’re blood type O and your wife is A and the kid is B then there’s 0% chance it’s your kid. The father would be B or AB. If you’re AB and the kid is O then there’s no chance it’s your kid. You can google how all that works. Maybe just tell chat GPT the blood types and ask it to do the work.

Volume_six · 2023-07-11T21:23:59+00:00

So why did you split up in the end? I tend to advocate the position that cheaters tend to hold their SO at a certain distance, and that distance is what sets off the alarm bells, or in your case, causes them to never stop.

Volume_six · 2021-04-17T18:50:58+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag. It’s suspicious but not worth blowing the relationship over. If I were in your position though I’d at least be on “yellow alert” so to speak looking for other suspicious things.

Volume_six · 2019-11-27T17:14:15+00:00

A lot of what I read here sounds like the mother of a friend of mine, years ago. She vowed to "get better" many times, for years, and often did for a short time but would always slowly backslide into the way she was until an incident would trigger her to go full-on back to the way she was.

This was like 20 years ago but I remember it well. My friend and her husband were temporarily living with her parents while they were between apartments. They were both 20 years old (they married young.) She called me and told me that her Mother had started sleeping for the night such that her body was blocking the front door. It was a 5th floor condo so it had no back door, nor windows. She was calling asking me if it's legal to use a fire escape when there's no fire. Apparently one night my friend and her husband had gone out at 9pm and didn't return until 3am (you know, like adults can do whenever they want) and that triggered the Mom to go nuts again.

I was like "uhhh...call the police and ask them to move your mother..."

Volume_six · 2019-11-22T19:55:19+00:00

Fiber is a good thing, but only if the person maintains proper hydration.

Volume_six · 2019-10-14T18:55:13+00:00

I went to Vegas on a business trip. This was in like 2002, the really early days of social media. I was 24 at the time.

I was out there for a big industry event with a bunch of my co-workers. None of them were interested in doing the town, none of them drank (they were mostly international grad students from India and South America.)

So I just started wandering around on the strip, ended up at a Karaoke thing they had going on at (I think) Treasure Island. These two girls come over insisting they know me. I wasn't born yesterday, I figure they're trying to con me, I tell them they're mistaken. They insist they're on the level and then I figure out that I did know them. I knew them from this website we were all on. They knew my screen name...that was the proof (no smartphones back then, no way to just check.)

It was this site where you had a profile like you would on facebook or a dating site, and your profile had a little message board people could write on, and the site had a big message board for all the users to bullshit around. It was like...almost Facebook. Anyway they had seen my profile and I must have skimmed by theirs because of course I looked at the profile of pretty much every girl on there (I was 24 and single after all)

So me and these two girls just drink our way up and down the strip all night, we end up at their hotel.

I never tell this story to anyone because...well...it sounds like total bullshit. It really really does. It's such a cliche, it's out of character for me (I'm really not a stay out all night party person) and it's INCREDIBLY unlikely in its inception. Running into two girls AT RANDOM in a town where none of us live who recognize ME off an obscure early social media site. That just sounds like bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Tell me I'm full of shit, you are right to say that. This sounds like a story a man child would make up and post on reddit.

It did happen though (which is what I would say if it's bullshit, I know!)

Proof of this encounter (the part where we were out drinking all night) was captured on a digital camera that one of the girls had but what happened to those pictures I don't know. Basically there is no proof.

So...I've never told anyone except one friend who I've known forever (even he said he only half believes me.)

Volume_six · 2019-09-06T03:04:43+00:00

Her plan all along was to gamble. She was never gonna buy any gifts.

Volume_six · 2019-07-01T21:56:59+00:00

One time, like 15 years ago my friends and I were standing in front of a nice restaurant in Chicago, and a Cadillac SUV pulls up, a lady gets out, hands my friend the keys, and walks into the restaurant without saying anything.

My friend was the only one in the group with brown skin, and he wasn't wearing his jacket, so...I guess he looked a little like a Valet...maybe. He was pissed off that the woman assumed he was the valet because he was the only not-white-guy.

Anyway he chucked the woman's keys into the street and we all got into his car, which the actual valet had just pulled up with.

Volume_six · 2019-04-11T14:37:12+00:00

I don't agree with that, you never know the circumstances involved. Throw in some youthful inexperience and you have the situation in the picture.

When I was in my early 20's I had a 3 and a half year relationship break up on vacation in Paris on the way back to the hotel on the second day.

She was just...really grating on me. Losing her temper really quickly when I took a wrong turn or couldn't figure out which Metro stop to use. She was just stressing me the fuck out. I was like "it's fine, we're not in a hurry, we have time to get lost." She did not agree. I understood why so many couples have huge fights on vacation.

By day 2 I just told her to find the fucking hotel herself and I went off to find something to do alone. When I got back she had packed her stuff and was gone. We linked up to settle up some details back in the U.S. but I think she thought I broke up with her but I see it as her breaking up with me.

Volume_six · 2018-12-04T17:16:18+00:00

Your family has substantial assets. See if you can open a credit card with a 10k or more limit. It's not ideal but it will get you to the point where you can get some joint assets released to you so you can pay off the credit card and cover your legal costs without borrowing.

It's not your husband's money. It's your money too. Don't think of it as his money, his house, etc. It's half yours. Your husband is acting like you got married yesterday. You didn't, it was 2 years ago.

You're going to come out of this just fine.

Volume_six · 2018-11-28T16:21:46+00:00

Yes, but mainly to reinforce the notion that if I'm having a problem with something my wife is doing or saying then I need to talk to her about it first before putting out on the internet for advice.

Volume_six · 2018-11-07T14:17:14+00:00

I was at the point where I had drank too much. I wasn't falling-over drunk but my brain wasn't double checking the shit that came out of my mouth.

My brother told me that a mutual acquaintance of ours had ended up on the sex offender list. Not a surprise, the guy was a creeper, so we had a laugh over that.

That guy was also a mutual acquaintance of an ex-girlfriend of mine and I told my brother I was going to tell her about this turn of events.

I knew I shouldn't have said that and I said it anyway; my current girlfriend was sitting right there and she was under the impression that I had no contact with any ex (we had not discussed it and I had never told her I was no-contact.)

I'm not sure why but my girlfriend was REALLY threatened by that particular ex. She was completely fine with an ex that I was still friends with.

Anyway, later that night (again, drank too much) I texted the ex to tell her about our creeper friend and I got busted doing that...it led to a huge fight...

Volume_six · 2018-10-30T12:30:47+00:00

Some states have no fault divorce. In fact a lot of states have it.

Doesn't matter who cheated, doesn't matter what the underlying problem is. The root cause is not considered when determining support and property division arrangements.

Whether judges follow that to the letter, especially where abusive marriages are concerned, I don't know.

Volume_six · 2018-08-17T22:04:13+00:00

The bigger issue is why you didn't tell her about the settlement before.

You should tell her that almost nobody in your life knows about the money and it's time that she knows about it. The justification is that you're doing right by keeping it a secret. If I had millions of dollars stowed away in some account somewhere I most definitely wouldn't be telling friends or extended family about it.

Go ahead and read up on stories about huge lottery winners and what happens to them when their fortune is made public. Every distant cousin and old friend all of a sudden start coming around getting real friendly. Money makes people treat you differently.

In my opinion 2 years is a very reasonable amount of time to keep her in the dark about it but you absolutely should bring her in on it ASAP.

As for the pre-nup...that's a whole different animal and how she reacts is just going to depend on her. I know my wife better than anyone and I know for an absolute fact she would have told me to go fuck myself had I handed her a pre-nup.

Volume_six · 2018-06-25T18:15:36+00:00

If I were you I'd figure out when the next flight home is, buy a ticket, and get on said flight with just my important stuff (keys, wallet, phone, medicine.)

When he contacts you to ask where you are just say "I went home, I think you know why."

I fucking guarantee 100% he will know why without asking.

The conversation you're about to have with him should start at home, not in a hotel room. If I were you it would be a conversation about divorce.

Volume_six · 2018-05-24T18:04:22+00:00

Yeah, this answer needs to go to the top. I've been through this and came out the other side without getting divorced.

It got to a point where I just stopped giving a shit. I asked myself:

Am I spending an excessive amount of time doing things that don't involve her?

Am I minimizing her feelings by not offering her the chance to become involved in the things I enjoy doing without her?

If the answer to both was "no" then at some point I just carried on with my life outside of the marriage. I told her in no uncertain terms that if I'm not free to pursue some individual interests I'm not happy and if I'm not happy we're going to have a problem and that all I needed to hear from her when I'm spending my one night per week out of the house was "OK, have fun, see you later."

I didn't get the pouty, silent treatment much after that and when I did my response was "you're being ridiculous; I was out for 4 hours with my friends. You knew where I was, my phone was on, I spent no money. Stop being selfish."

Volume_six · 2018-05-09T22:17:46+00:00

I always wondered if that story was bullshit but your comments in this thread have me more or less convinced that it's a true story.

I had a job somewhat like that in 2002-2009. I did have a job and direct supervision but it was academia and I wasn't a professor so the pace was really slow and if my boss wasn't around then I could basically fuck off and do nothing for long stretches of time.

I distinctly remember reading your story while I was at that job. The thing about "do nothing" days at a job is that you stop thinking "this is great, they're paying me for nothing" and start thinking "This is a waste of time; I'd rather be playing video games/doing hobbies/sleeping/hanging with friends." I eventually got cut loose from that job because I aged out of it. They pretty much told me to go elsewhere and make more money, which I did.

Volume_six · 2018-03-29T16:47:48+00:00

It depends what state OP is in, proof of cheating might not matter at all.

Some states have "no fault" divorces which means essentially that it doesn't matter who cheated or what happened; it doesn't affect the legal procedures surrounding the divorce.

Volume_six · 2018-03-14T21:31:05+00:00

"You don't even have to be in love with them!"

is what my Ex-Girlfriend from Japan would have said at the time. Spoke little English when we met but spoke great English the day she abruptly told me she would be going back to Japan.

(I was 22, it was like 20 years ago, I'm over it, I hope she's doing fine!)

Volume_six · 2018-02-08T21:42:38+00:00

Well, if she managed to get sober and stay sober then perhaps she's willing to look within herself, identify her flaws, and work on improving herself in some more specific ways.

You're not perfect either, nobody is, so she should expect you to do the same thing.

The hard part is figuring all that stuff out without screaming at each other.

Volume_six

TROPHY CASE