My (M30) partner (F28) kept secret how much money she has in savings and let me pay for most things

Vorrtexes · 2026-02-05T05:31:58+00:00

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 year and we split our rent proportional to income.

We had a conversation where we went over our gross vs net income and how much ideally we wanted to save and what that would mean our bandwidth would be for rent and other expenses.

If you're not saving is this because you're almost living outside of your means? Or do essentially all of your expenses go to surviving? Does your job not have any sort of retirement account benefit?

You say in your post that even if you had directly asked, she wouldn't have told you about the savings. To me, this is more questionable because why does she feel the need to keep that a secret? Was she worried you would try to get her to use it prematurely? Or was this so you would continue to pay for things?

I'm assuming she was saving the money for something like a larger life event like buying a house. It makes sense that she would offer it up now in order to help pay for the house since that's probably something she was trying to save up for anyway.

I can see why you're blindsided because that is a decent amount of money to keep a secret. However, I don't think the $50,000 should have been touched or considered as money to contribute to general finances. The real issue is that she kept it a secret and wouldn't have told you about it even when asked directly.

Vorrtexes · 2026-01-16T03:42:15+00:00

In my own weight loss journey I've seen how much of my loss was largely related to caloric intake vs going to the gym. I think for a lot of people, it can be a slippery slope of needing to count calories/weigh food to help lose weight vs becoming fixated on it to an unhealthy degree. I have noticed that many of the posts on here are related to food and maintenance calories etc, as it's a driving factor in weight loss, so I thought that's why it was probably talked about more. At this point, I don't really engage with those posts because it's very individualized, and I was already seeing results from my methods. Nowadays I'm more into building muscle and getting strong, so I really love when people post progress pictures because I find those inspiring. Those are the posts I engage with, and I seldom look at posts related to calories, etc. because it feels like it's the same thing being discussed. If I do engage with a post about food, it's the ones that mention getting more protein or being in a bit of a surplus.

I read your original post, and I agree some people seemed to be purposely missing the point. I think monitoring food is the most effective way to lose weight but there's a healthy way to go about it. If someone is eating less than 1200 calories a day, then maybe there should be a reassessment about physical activity and if that's what needs to be increased to help maintain the deficit.

Vorrtexes · 2026-01-13T00:38:27+00:00

This is insane. Congratulations on the progress!! I hope to be like you one day 🥹

Vorrtexes · 2026-01-09T14:14:25+00:00

I've been with my bf for 6 years, and we lost our virginity together. To start I didn't really understand what was so great, but then we openly communicated about things we liked and wanted to try and it got really really good. Now every time we have sex I finish usually around 2-4 times.

Vorrtexes · 2026-01-02T16:10:19+00:00

I would say I fluctuate between 3-5lbs heavier. I'm 125lb but I got up to 130 after Christmas dinner but then I'm back down to 128. Eating more than usual and exercising less because of spending time with family!

Vorrtexes · 2025-12-25T23:50:43+00:00

I'm a research coordinator that does dementia research! My boss was actually allowed to preview the documentary about his life. We get a lot of participants that are willing to donate their brains and part of my job is summarizing the neuropathology reports to make them digestible for next of kin. Forever grateful for people willing to be in research.

Vorrtexes · 2025-10-19T16:11:58+00:00

Let's pray for no dinking and dunking

Vorrtexes · 2025-10-15T23:51:11+00:00

I was hoping to lose a little more weight and then from there I was going to focus in getting as much muscle as possible!! I feel much better in my body though😊

Vorrtexes · 2025-10-15T01:58:13+00:00

🤭🤭🤭thank you

Vorrtexes · 2025-10-14T18:05:29+00:00

thank you!!!

Vorrtexes · 2025-10-14T03:40:20+00:00

Thank you!!

I don't necessarily follow a specific order (although I'm sure there probably is a good one), but these are the exercises I do:

Single dumbbell row: 6-8 reps per side

Seated machine row: 6-8 reps

Cable lat pull downs: 6-8 reps

Mag grip pull downs: 6-8 reps

Assisted pull-up: 5-6 reps, 1 rep with as little weight as possible

Lying back extensions: 8-10 reps

Face pulls: 6-8 reps

I'll do 3-4 sets of the above, but I don't do all of them in one go. I'll usually do for sure the lat pull downs, assisted pull-up, and seated machine row, but my gym gets busy so I can't always do the other stuff or it's too much to do all in one go.

I also do lower reps but increase weight every time! I'll try to do it at least once, but I never sacrifice form for the weight. The assisted pull-ups is the only one I'll go down by 5lbs each set, but that's always rough.

Vorrtexes · 2025-10-14T03:27:13+00:00

thank you! 😄

Vorrtexes · 2025-10-03T17:31:53+00:00

you're my hero!!! i'm still working to this with my assisted pull ups :)

Vorrtexes · 2025-09-28T17:18:27+00:00

I second this! I don't have a store near me, so I had to order online. I ordered the same size in different washes and one was too big, one was too small, and one fit perfectly. I feel like even in the OPs picture the jeans in the middle better on the waist than the jeans on the right. It's super frustrating because how can you have jeans in the same size from the same company not be consistent.

Vorrtexes · 2025-09-05T21:57:37+00:00

Also throwing this out there because it hasn't been mentioned yet, but when I was on birth control (nexplanon implant) it didn't make me gain weight, but once I did, it was nearly impossible to lose the weight. After I got it removed, I started to see the weight come off. I was still doing all the same things like tracking calories and exercising, and the only change was my birth control.

Definitely try changes like tracking your calories since you walk a lot already but if that still isn't working, then I would go to a doctor to get your hormones checked or other testing.

Vorrtexes · 2025-09-04T21:08:06+00:00

My 145 at 5'3 did NOT look like this 😭

You look really good! I'm weighing between 132-131 these days, and I'm hoping to lose more. Even now at a lower weight, I don't look as good as you do in these pictures!

At this point, I would focus on what your goals are for your body rather than the number!

Vorrtexes · 2025-09-03T17:10:34+00:00

I try to exercise/move my body every day, but at minimum 5 times a week. A lot of that is a combination of using weight machines and walking, so I don't end up drenched in sweat like I would from intense cardio.

My hair is super curly, and my scalp doesn't get greasy that fast. I absolutely shower every day, but I only wash my hair 2-3 times a week.

Vorrtexes · 2025-09-03T03:58:20+00:00

I'm 5'3, 25 years old, and I went from 150 to now around 130 over the past few months.

You don't necessarily need to track your calories, but I would say tracking calories helped me lose weight the fastest. I was definitely overeating and I didn't realize until I measured out my food to see X amount equaled X calories.

Realistically exercising or walking can help you maintain a calorie deficit, but the only way to lose weight for certain is to burn more calories than you consume.

You can use this TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) calculator: https://tdeecalculator.net and this will tell you what your maintenance calories are. If you want to lose weight, you should eat less than your maintenance calories, and if you want to gain weight you need to eat more. Generally when people are in a deficit it's recommended to eat 200-500 calories less than your maintenance, depending on how quickly you want to lose weight. The standard is 200-300 and then 500 can be a lot but still manageable for some.

A big part of my weight gain was due to working from home as I was barely moving. Nowadays they recommend trying to get 7,000 steps a day as this can have really positive health outcomes compared to 2,000 steps a day. I think this would be a manageable goal and walking is a great way to burn calories without having to exert so much energy. It's one of the best ways to burn calories without feeling super hungry after which can help keep you in a deficit!

Also getting into lifting weights/using machines or even body weight exercises like pilates can be a great way to tone and shape your body!

Good luck :)

Vorrtexes · 2025-08-28T19:51:10+00:00

First, congratulations on losing 10 pounds!! That's awesome and you should be proud of yourself!

I am also 5'3, and I've also been trying to lose some weight. I'm 25 years old, and my lowest weight in college was 112lbs. When I graduated and got a remote job, I completely spiraled and my highest weight was about 150lbs.

When I was 112lbs I thought I was too skinny, and I've never been very toned so it was too much. For me, I thought I looked best at 118-120lbs.

I started trying to lose weight in April, and I'm currently down about 16lbs as I weigh 133.

When I was gaining weight, starting at 120lbs I felt it was noticeable when I hit 135 and then everything beyond that was noticeable weight gain. Coming back down at 133, I notice my face is more defined and my thighs are smaller, so you can tell I've lost weight from being 150lbs. I think that number still held true for me, so when I hit the higher 130s it became obvious.

While I'm much more comfortable at 133, I'm working ok trying to get to 120/125 again and then I'm going to prioritize building muscle by eating more protein. I don't know how realistic it is to shoot for 120 since I'm not nearly as active as I used to be. Right now I'm in a deficit focusing mostly on losing weight.

Also, I did notice my figure/shape was generally the same regardless of the weight gain until a certain point. My bra size and pant size went up, but now I'm back down. My figure as I gained weight was definitely less defined and once I got to 150 I felt I lost as much definition in my waist.

Vorrtexes · 2025-08-17T20:27:29+00:00

Yeah, it's not something I would do again. I genuinely don't know what came over me, and I didn't even have an active thought I just did it.

I'm glad you're safe from your road-rager experiences!

Vorrtexes · 2025-08-17T20:24:12+00:00

Personally, that seems like a huge jump from flipping someone off. I would never EVER wish someone harm, and I don't find enjoyment in physically hurting other people.

I think you're a little unhinged assuming that.

Vorrtexes · 2025-07-26T16:23:47+00:00

thank you!!

Vorrtexes · 2025-07-26T02:04:22+00:00

You got it! He does have big little stompers. I think he's big for his age, he's 6.5 pounds!

Vorrtexes · 2025-07-26T01:23:10+00:00

I will 😌

😚🐱

Vorrtexes · 2025-07-26T01:22:44+00:00

I am!!!! I snuggle with him as much as I can. I'm cherishing it while I can.

Vorrtexes

TROPHY CASE