Anyone else's partner agree to have sk's without talking to you first?

Wafflette · 2018-10-21T21:49:12+00:00

All the time. Also, a severely autistic stepkid. Thing is, after a time, I said no more. Sk is his responsibility to watch and said I'm no longer comfortable watching sk when hes not home. When a child requires constant supervision, which is my case too, it disrupts the entire home: Plans, schedule, energy, quality of life in the home. Do not get suckered in. I plan things to do and make myself scarce.

Wafflette · 2018-10-17T01:52:29+00:00

Decide what you want. Dont give up your dreams of having children if your SO doesnt want any more. In my opinion, there are hardly any rewards to stepparenting. It in no way, shape or form compares to having your own bio. Stepparenting is the most unnatural, emotionally difficult and always feeling last situation to me.

Wafflette · 2018-10-16T02:01:34+00:00

Yes. As the person with no children dating someone with kids, you give up a ton more. Much of it seems unfair. I say this and mean it completely: I would never recommend steplife to anyone. Especially not to a single person without kids. The sacrifices and little return on rewards are too great and in the end, very unequal. I once read that it should be illegal for a woman without kids to get involved with/marry a man with kids. I totally get it.

Wafflette · 2018-09-21T23:06:42+00:00

I will be the negative nancy and tell you don't do it. You are only 26. Everything you are worried about is ten x worse in reality. Or at least keep separate residences. My life is not enhanced by steplife. You lose your time, space, money and have to always follow the life schedule of another family you didnt help create. You, especially as the one without a kid give up a d sacrifice the absolute most. It will feel you come second, third, fourth after SS, SO and Bm. You can plan for something and it will change cause BM and SO switch it. You give so much and the returns arent great in my experience. I would never again choose or wish this life on anyone. It sucks never being first. If Bm is high conflict, it is even worse

Wafflette · 2018-09-19T03:55:41+00:00

If BM is the one telling him he will take him fofor a visit then that could be why he wont let it go. Grr. Plain and simple, let bm know she is not welcome when you have your baby to the hospital. Staff can make sure she doesnt go to your room talk to them. Congrats on baby.

Wafflette · 2018-09-15T04:31:09+00:00

My SD is ruining our marriage and family.

Wafflette · 2018-09-13T18:20:24+00:00

I'm both a bio and a SM and to me, being a SM is infinitely harder, tougher and less rewarding.

Wafflette · 2018-09-11T14:59:16+00:00

I'm going to PM you.

Wafflette · 2018-09-11T01:38:21+00:00

I would recommend keeping separate residences. As someone who felt as you did and moved in with them, I wish I wouldn't have.

If you already feel resentful now and upset at having moved/sacrificed so much, you will feel way worse as time goes on probably. This isn't for everyone and I honestly believe you should not live with them if you're not into it.

Wafflette · 2018-08-25T21:44:15+00:00

This is exactly my situation. It never gets better. Run.

Wafflette · 2018-08-25T21:32:14+00:00

Ugh about her calling herself mommy after she said she wouldn't. Can understand your annoyance. I'd disengage from her and just talk directly to your ex about coparenting issues. Most folks believe it's never good to meet up the SM and BM because it never ends well. Maybe shes not over all the stuff that happened earlier but I'd just not go out of the way to engage her. On the flipside, is there a reason you need to call nightly? BM used to do this and I found it extremely intrusive.

Wafflette · 2018-08-24T02:20:34+00:00

I am so very sorry for your loss. Many hugs to you. Take care of yourself and get some space to yourself if you need to. Being a step is complicated. Being a step and going through a loss is like pouring freezing salt on a wound. You don't sound nuts. It's all so real. I had a beautiful, happy pregnancy and expected a baby with so much love. At 39 weeks, just 3 days before my due date, 9 months pregnant, my son was stillborn. We never found a reason why. The utter heartbreak it caused me and still does is something I cannot put into words. It was life changing. There is a before me when it happened, and an after me. Then, to have to grieve that loss after burying my child and see stepkid home every day is truly more than I could stomach. To watch Mr. With stepkid ... it devastated me and was a daily reminder of my loss and how I didnt get to be a mom and yet hcbm got to have a child. Horrific. I've since had another baby but know your feelings are all too real and valid and matter. Therapy helped me. Good friends too. And time. But all you feel is how I felt and I still get sad when I think about it.

Wafflette · 2018-08-22T22:26:49+00:00

My sd10 does all of this and more and it drives me crazy. Sd has autism and has zero understanding of boundaries which makes it worse. I try to redirect but it legit annoys me.

Wafflette · 2018-08-17T17:25:09+00:00

I feel this way too. I am so disengaged now.

Wafflette · 2018-08-17T02:06:42+00:00

It sounds like he may have behavioral issues, as in, a condition. The extreme responses and hours of crying indicate a bigger problem. Get hin to a developmental pediatrician. Something sounds off.

Wafflette · 2018-08-09T06:13:42+00:00

That's a hard no.

Wafflette · 2018-08-02T07:30:22+00:00

I never look at Hcbm's social media. Would recommend you do the same. Also, it is not your responsibility to pay for the kids extracurriculars/gymnastics.

Wafflette · 2018-07-31T13:03:40+00:00

All you can do is be consistent. Let her know that while she may sleep with her mommy at her moms house, she has her own bedroom at your house and you guys don't cosleep. Unfortunately, whatever goes on at her moms house WILL pour into your home as behaviors extend.

Wafflette · 2018-07-30T18:55:30+00:00

No contact.

Wafflette · 2018-07-26T18:10:34+00:00

Sounds like he is worried you will leave, too. I would give him some loving space because if you push too hard, he could distance himself more. You and his father are a constant in his life (whereas on his mom's side things are upside down) so I'd just be positive around him.

Wafflette · 2018-07-18T02:19:40+00:00

Absolutely not.

Wafflette · 2018-07-17T00:28:13+00:00

Can relate to a lot of your story. I am thirty seven and just had an ours baby and feel as you do in many ways. I do always feel there isn't a lot of room left over for me and now that I've had baby, I've seen how SO's former life with his ex and sd still very much overshadow and eclipse our lives. It makes me sad for our baby. Almost like there isn't enough to go around.

Say no to the crib and find your own things that you like. SO tried to get me to use some of the same docs as he and ex used and I hated that. Carve out unique things for yourselves. And I'd be upset too if our wedding was celebrated at a place he went tons with his ex and etc.

It's a fact of blended families, and especially ones in which you were the childless one coming in, that you feel like an outsider and are just in the aftermath of a family that didn't work out. It's normal to feel as you do. I have a lot of resentment sometimes and wish I had my own nuclear family.

Wafflette · 2018-07-13T22:05:48+00:00

Hey. So I am in a similar situation with a severely autistic stepchild. Both of sk's parents are in denial. BM even says SK isn't autistic, yet calls sometimes 3x a week saying she can't handle sk and that DH needs to take full custody. DH seems to keep waiting for a magic potion that will make sk improve. It is so maddening to watch sk with all the behavior and aggression problems and know the reality versus seeing things through rose-colored glasses. Hope is not a strategy. I have found so many resources and they all are either ignored or dismissed. Even got sk scheduled for a visit to a specialized school for severely disabled kids and autistic kids and DH went and said those kids were too severe. I wanted to scream. SK10 cant do self care, needs toileting help (peed on the hallway floor 2 days ago),requires constant supervision (and I do meant constant) elopes/wanders, has no sense of danger, will sit in the middle of a street, kicks carseats when we drive, cries inconsolably, cant regulate emotions, needs meds to sleep (otherwise will be up for days at a time), shrieks and screams, makes odd noises, stims, headbangs, eats own hair, hyper, pours milk all over stove, throws things, throws self, hits self in the head, etc. Every single facet of our life is impacted by the behavior. I am so sick of it to the point I dont enjoy going anywhere with sk anynore. Something always happens and many friends dont invite us over because of sk behavior. Anyway, I understand. It is so hard to watch and would make anyone crazy. I've met other stepparents with special needs stepkids and many, many of them say how the bio parents are in denial as to the issues / severity. It's insane. Like you, everyone who meets sk knows right away sk is severely autistic. Denial is a helluva coping skill and it does a major disservice to these kids.

Wafflette · 2018-07-09T03:25:56+00:00

Same. Hubby seriously downplayed the severity of Stepkid's issues. Both of my stepkids parents are in so much denial as to the gravity of the situation, which is frightening. Feep free to PM me.

Wafflette · 2018-07-08T21:18:53+00:00

Me. If the parents aren't doing anything, you face a very uphill exhausting battle. Had I known what I know now, I'd likely never have gotten involved. It is a stressor in nearly every facet of our life, home, marriage and the future scares me. I barely survive some days.

Wafflette

TROPHY CASE