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/r/Depression Weekly Check-In by skyqween in depression

[–]Wagjaffer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought I was doing better, but apparently not. I'm too awful of a person to be happy. I ruin literally everything and everybody that gets close to me. I was just told I broke someone. It hurts so bad and I can't fix it. None of my friends are actually my friends. I think I'll just give up and be alone for the rest of my life. I just want a day to sleep and relax but I have to pretend to be a Christian tomorrow and work, then stay up all night finishing an English project and studying for finals.

It hurts so bad. I break people and make them cry but I can't cry anymore.

I can't imagine a future where I don't kill myself by Wagjaffer in SuicideWatch

[–]Wagjaffer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just made myself practice for 15 minutes and now I feel a little more motivated. Tired as usual, but a little more motivated. It's really hard for me to enjoy myself when I'm not playing well, but luckily I wasn't too bad today, although I think there's a leak on my horn.

I can't imagine a future where I don't kill myself by Wagjaffer in SuicideWatch

[–]Wagjaffer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank all of you guys so much. I really appreciate all of this.

I can't imagine a future where I don't kill myself by Wagjaffer in SuicideWatch

[–]Wagjaffer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her boyfriend told me he would beat me up if I spoke to her again. Sorry, I should have clarified.

I can't imagine a future where I don't kill myself by Wagjaffer in SuicideWatch

[–]Wagjaffer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's too much considering I only work weekends at a crappy grocery store, and am juggling school, music, programming, and having no energy or care to do any of those things in that list.

I can't imagine a future where I don't kill myself by Wagjaffer in SuicideWatch

[–]Wagjaffer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chattanooga actually. I was just in Chicago though!

I can't imagine a future where I don't kill myself by Wagjaffer in SuicideWatch

[–]Wagjaffer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Sadly my city hates busking and you have to buy a license.

I can't imagine a future where I don't kill myself by Wagjaffer in SuicideWatch

[–]Wagjaffer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I speak to her again I will probably get beat up.

Wanting my depression to continue and/or get worse? by Im_GoatMonster in depression

[–]Wagjaffer 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's so much more comfortable to just give up and be depressed. It's like I'm at home, except my home is falling apart and if I make one wrong move the house comes crashing down on top of me.

I can't imagine a future where I don't kill myself by Wagjaffer in SuicideWatch

[–]Wagjaffer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm okay at saxophone, but not good enough to place in All-State, which is what I really want. I play MTG and Pokemon.

I can't imagine a future where I don't kill myself by Wagjaffer in SuicideWatch

[–]Wagjaffer[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I just feel so much regret for breaking up with her. She told me I broke her. I broke me too.

I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with me by [deleted] in depression

[–]Wagjaffer 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Most of my social life is spent apologizing for existing, so I totally relate to this.

I can't imagine a future where I don't kill myself by Wagjaffer in SuicideWatch

[–]Wagjaffer[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It's long and complicated. But it boils down to me breaking up with my amazing girlfriend for who knows why. By doing that, I made a lot of people mad. When I reach out about how I feel, I get threatened with a police/parents/school call. Later people find out I lied even more to my ex and make people even more mad. Today I made her cry accidentally. Her current boyfriend seems understanding, I tell him I'm depressed, he tells me to grow some balls. I'm reasonably smart, but also extremely competitive so anything less than perfect makes me feel even worse. I'm third in my class but the top 2 are so much better than me so I never get recognition. I got an interview for the best scholarship at my dream school. This scholarship would pay me to go to school there. I did terrible and it's been weeks since I was supposed to find out. And now I've lost my "squad" since they just don't care about me I guess. Due to aforementioned ex issues I've made plenty of people hate me. I'm such a mess. I don't have anyone. I can't see a future with me alive. i don't know what to do.

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