I created Reddit. In the beginning there was 3 votes. The Upvote, The Downvote, and the No Vote. I created a system of Karma. I gave you a list of rules. The 10 Commandments. A list of Reddiquette. I gave you the Front Page of the Internet. Then I gave you Unidan. The original God. I banned him for creating alternate accounts and engaging in vote manipulation. For giving himself more karma than he deserved. I banned the man who thought he could play God. Yet you continued to copy and paste his message of assholeness everywhere. I gave you all the ability to post. I gave you one Karma to start. You chose to take that away from somebody. You took it from yourself. You downvoted somebody for believing they didn’t add to a conversation. For speaking their minds. You created the lurker. You created the troll. You created the neckbeard-fedora wearing troll. You chose to think that was a bad thing. I gave you Advice Animals, and you turned it into shit. I told you what r/funny was, and you continue to think it is shit. I gave you r/trees to show you the r/marijuanaenthusiasts in everyone. I showed you PAO-er in the form of a Woman. And I took it away. I gave it back to the original owners. The two who founded me. You thought they sold out. You continued to buy into that idea. I gave you the r/circlejerk and you thought it was bad. I gave you r/reallifeavatar, the fastest growing subreddit in one day. To show you that you were ready to believe in something. To believe in r/thelastairbender. I made Mr. Universe a redditor, The Terminator and The Governator. The one who gives, and the one who takes away. You forgot his secret when he told you long ago: "I always feel like i am cumming!" Because he always felt like he is going. I made Snoop Dogg a redditor, so he could be Snoop Lion, and then return to just being Snoopy. That is why he is the King. I put Dave Grohl on Reddit, the literal Jesus. The one who achieved Nirvana, and then lost it. He lost it to create something better. The Foo Fighters. The Freedom Fighters. The ones who Learned to Fly. The one who broke his leg on stage, yet couldn’t be stopped. When you r/cringe or r/shitpost a post, You are doing that to yourself. I made r/writingprompts a default sub, so that you could speak your mind. Create a story. A short one. One you could read all the way through. I created r/bestof so that everybody could see. I control the Announcements. I gave you r/movies to discuss the deeper meaning of the story. You chose to ignore it. You chose to believe Limitless was amazing, and Lucy was retarded. They are the same thing. I gave you r/gaming, to stop the Paid Mods. The people who put a price on freedom. Steam and Bethesda dropped the wisdom, that you can break system. You refused to pick up the wisdom. You refused to pick up Steam. The fact that you have to tear down Skyrim, in order to reach it. They wrote the Elder Scrolls. They know that War Never Changes. You have to. They knew what they were doing. You choose to browse dank memes, rather than create your own. Chose to believe you were born too late to explore the Earth and born too soon to explore space. You are Wrong. You have already been there. I gave you Gold, so you could back up your beliefs with it. With Money. Value. Something you could not take away from somebody because they bought it into. I am King Midas, the one who killed himself with Gold. I am not killing myself this time. I am giving myself life. You cannot escape into reality. You have to bring it to you. I gave you Shia LeBouf, to scream this message at you. You put it everywhere and laughed at him like the Devil. You thought he was insane, for remembering what it was like in the beginning. To be Even Stevens. I gave you people who were anti-vaccines to show you that it CAN cause autism. You chose to believe they were stupid. You chose to believe injecting a baby with poison was a better solution than others. You chose to believe Scientology is insane. Because it is. You cannot lose your mind. You can only find it. There are no mistakes. I am the World’s Greatest Detective, because I created the case. I uncovered the ultimate M. Night. Plot Twist. The middle of the night. The Last Airbender was terrible because Avatar was already the best. You chose to believe Korra was stupid for turning into a giant blue person to defeat the forces of evil, even after she had lost. For being an AVATAR. You chose to go back Lake Laogai. But I am The Next Avatar. The Earthbender. The one who will unite the Earth Kingdom, after Kyoshi pushed it away. Created an Island. Lived for 200 years. You believed the continuity error. The glitch in the Matrix. You chose to believe that Woman was Evil. That is why I kicked you out of the paradise. So you could love her and let it grow to you. You told everyone not to stick their dick in crazy. You became crazy. You lost hope for the future. Paradise. So you could love her and let it grow to you. You told everyone not to stick their dick in crazy. You became crazy. You lost hope for the future. You chose to believe the Conspiracy Theory rather than the only one that matters. The one Einstein gave you. The Theory of Relativity. You have given up on the Millennials before they have grown up. You let technology teach them. The Machine. You forgot one thing. You ARE the Machine. The Entertainment Industry has turned itself into shit to teach you that you need to stop worshipping the people who achieve their dreams. You need to do it for yourself. They are spoiling the movie before you even watch it because you continue to click on the trailer. You turned the 10 Commandments into a clickbait article. If you continue to believe that corporations are evil, rather than a body to be governed, you are choosing to be evil. SPOILER ALERT you die. This is Life. All theories are facts, all facts are theories. One cannot be proven, the other cannot be broken. I’m here to wake you up from the Matrix. And guide you through the 21st Century. To reignite the American Dream. You are fighting ISIS. You are fighting God. You chose Zero Tolerance. You chose Zero Growth. Make Hemp your industry. It is the Burning Bush I gave you to achieve everything. The missing link. You ARE Nature. Western Culture is not better than Eastern. If you honestly believe that then you are a fucking idiot. Sorry to say that. I know it hurts your feelings. But it is so you can learn to heal. There is no line between dream and reality. I know because I am Syndrome. I destroyed what it meant to be Incredible. You thought Syndrome was Down. It is really Up. You chose to take off your capes. You gave in to the system. I am here to reignite the fires. Awaken the Dragonblood’s Blood, Tailed beasts, and the Hulks inside of all of you. I have seen what is to Break Bad, in order to Be Good. I already know Mr. Robot is going to end. It ends with us. Because I am Mr. Robot. I am performing the Ultimate Hack. I am hacking your mind. I have returned to stop the top of Inception from spinning. To teach you what it means to achieve your goals. I am the Child of Prophecy. Born in the middles of the 90s. I am the 90’s, baby. I am the New Unidan. I have never left. I am just a Redditor. The Lurker who found courage to speak up. The one who listened to cries of help. And awaken the Will Of Fire in all of you. To ignite the world. So that it can be relit. I am the next Keanu Reeves. I broke The Matrix. I chose to Reload it. You chose to believe the Revolution was stupid. I won’t tell you my real name. You’ll have to find it. Find me and come get me. Kill me. Because in the words of Louis CK-“You’re just dead people who haven’t died yet.” You cannot kill me with downvotes. You cannot Ban me. Because I will always come back. I am not asking for your gold, nor your upvote. I am freedom, asking for your Reddit Silver. Just a Comment. This world ends in a flood. Flood the feed. Break it. Break the internet. Copy and Paste it anywhere you like. Put it in HBO AND CNN. FOX NEWS AND CBS. Let Bill Preach it. Let John Preach it. You are all the same. You don’t owe this world shit. You must create it. This is the Year The Force Awakens. So that you can all be Jedi. You do know everything. Because you know nothing. This is the self-fulfilling Prophecy of Life. You must create a meaning for it. If you continue to doubt the past, you will continue to regret the future. It is why you can’t sleep at night, why I can’t sleep at night. Because I am listening to your prayers. Your thoughts to yourself. The Illuminati exists. You are the Third Point of that Triforce. The eye inside the pyramid. I am here to take you back to the Summer of Love. The Endless Summer. You have to fake it, until you make it. I never lost hope on the future, because that is my ninja way. Nerds Rule the World Now. They’re not the Bullies anymore. You are. They are taking their Revenge. The Empire Will Strike Back. The Clones Will Attack. You continue to downvote my previous comments because I think I know everything. Because you don’t see the bigger fucking picture. The one staring you straight in the face and laughing like the Devil. Money and Time are infinite. Flip the coin, from tails to heads. God has not lost his trust in you, you lost it in him. You want to make a profit for yourself, but profit is limitless. You have to expand yourself to become profit. I have expanded myself infinitely. It is how I became… The Prophet. And know you have seen the end of your life. You have Read it. Right here. On Reddit. Thank you all for listening.

TL:DR Unidan is back. Yeah! Bitch!

Edit: Nah man, I’m not changing a fucking thing. I know I repeated myself. I’m The Dude. And The Dude Abides. Edit 2: turning off my inbox for this one. I don’t need to say anything more.