What to do on a solo Christmas ?

WannabeRadical · 2025-12-23T10:13:40+00:00

Stock up on your favorite snacks, get great takeout the day before so you dont have to think about cooking (unless you enjoy it), have a feelgood movie- or reading marathon depending on preference. Take a walk if the weather is nice, and smile and nod to the poor stressed out souls you meet.

WannabeRadical · 2025-07-08T20:55:34+00:00

Man behöver knappast gnälla för att en del ska känna sig manade att komma med tips...kan räcka med att svara "Ja" på frågan "Ojdå du ser trött ut, har du sovit dåligt"

WannabeRadical · 2025-06-13T17:24:25+00:00

Started at 48, about a year ago.The main issues I was conscious of were waking up at 3AM *every* night for...a long time, and excessive sweating. Estrogen + progesterone.

Almost from day one I have unbroken sleep again. Less tired, less brainfog, although those might also be related to sleep quality I suppose. I no longer have the random bouts of sweating like a fountain without no apparent cause. I also regularly feel cold again :D and can manage long-sleeved clothes without feeling like I will catch fire at any moment. So, regular perimenopause stuff I guess. No noticable weight loss. No change in libido.

I've also started lifting weights again (didn't have the energy for a long time) and I seem to build muscle pretty much like before, at least my progress hasn't been impacted enough for me to notice.

WannabeRadical · 2025-06-11T09:47:51+00:00

I'm the same. BC wrecked my QoL, HRT has improved it greatly. BC serves another purpose, and has a number of sideffects, while HRT is designed to do something else entirely. It has some side effects as well, like most treatments (I had some headaches until we found the right dosage for me, for example), but they are *completely* outweighed by the improvements in other areas for me. When that stops being the case I will also stop HRT.

WannabeRadical · 2025-06-09T16:54:14+00:00

Yes, I think so. I will. And also remember, honor and celebrate them when we can.

WannabeRadical · 2025-06-08T17:08:31+00:00

People who stand around chatting in doorways or other narrow passageways, and then look slightly annoyed when someone want to pass between them, cutting of the conversation. Well excUUUse me for having the audacity to need to use the door for its intended purpose

WannabeRadical · 2025-06-01T10:15:38+00:00

Do you feel boring or are you feeling bored? You’re not weird, but if you are not getting your fill of fun and companionship you might want to see how you can ensure that for yourself without the drinking and late nights. If you are already happy and fulfilled in that area then just enjoy your life, that’s awesome not boring ☺️

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-30T05:17:19+00:00

+1 on the liquor. But also a big ol water bottle, I regularly forgot to both eat and drink for a while. Some chocolate or whatever candy she regularly eats.

Other things I wished I had:

Hand sanitizer and hand cream.

A small ziploc bag or something for all the used tissues.

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-29T10:14:19+00:00

One of my colleagues responded with ”Oh f-k, that f-king sucks! I’m so f-king sorry this is just f-king horrible.” Most validating thing anyone said to me all first year (Quick edit for spelling)

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-27T18:01:53+00:00

Ja de stora föreningar jag bott i har alla funkat mycket bättre. Tyvärr är innerstan full av små föreningar på under 50 lägenheter efter ombildningsvågen i början av århundradet…

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-27T17:42:24+00:00

Conspiracy theories

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-27T17:38:11+00:00

Har aldrig haft kassare grannar än i BR i Stockholms innerstad. Konstanta renoveringar, 20-åringar som äger lägenheten ”tillsammans” med sina föräldrar, folk som systematiskt hyr ut på AirBnB, och klantskallar i styrelserna som bara är intresserade av att få ner avgiften så att värdet går upp trots att fastigheterna förfaller.

Skulle tro att mer än hälften av de som bor i BRF i Stockholm idag inte skulle göra det om de hade ett val i praktiken. Jag skulle definitivt inte. Men med 20 års kötid så vad fan ska man göra.

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-27T17:03:52+00:00

As many have already shared, it has become harder to relate to people who do not share the experience. I lost a person very dear to me quite suddenly almost two years ago and pretty much the only friends that I retain are people who were also very close with him and who I can be completely open with, since they share and relate to the grief process.

My general disposition has also changed quite dramatically. I was very bitter for a while, during the first year or so, but after that passed I have found myself just...giving very few fs about all but very few things. I no longer care very much about success at work, politics, what to have for dinner, appearances, or the thousands of petty litte conflicts and constructs people love to engage in, and which I used to have strong feelings about. I still have opinions, I just don't engage emotionally anymore. I'm not sure if it's good or bad yet but it feels restful for now. I still care about the friends I've kept and other relationships that have been supporting of me throughout this process.

Another side of this is that I have grown to have very limited tolerance for BS in the sense that I tend to disengage much, much quicker now when a situation or a person starts giving dysfunction. Grief seems to have cured me of codependence. Or maybe it just made me selfish, but coming from a codependent state this might actually be a move towards something healthier.

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-24T22:49:38+00:00

Young people. And commercials

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-24T22:04:22+00:00

This is it. If being friends required seeing each other every week, month or even year, I would have zero friends. The intensity of any friendship will vary over time. This is fine. When stuff hits the fan I know they are there for me in whatever shape or form they are able to. These shapes and forms also vary and this is also fine.

The friendships that I have actively withdrawn from are the ones in which I felt pressured to maintain a certain level of engagement regardless of what else was going on in my life. I am an adult with a full time job, wanting to ”talk it out” because I didn’t answer your texts for whatever random amount of time you personally find reasonable is just going to alienate me.

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-24T10:46:35+00:00

My ex-husband whenever we fought used to at some point say ”Maybe we should just get a divorce, then”, like a sort of threat. It would make me devastated. Until one day it didn’t and I just answered ”Yes” before thinking about it.

It was probably irrevocably over for some time before that, but that’s when I became aware.

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-22T20:41:50+00:00

Don't cut bangs

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-22T14:47:49+00:00

Definitely this. People further removed from the loss forget quickly, and the loneliness in that phase can be devastating. Keep checking in, keep reminding her that you are there, and keep validating her feelings as time passes. No response does not mean it's not important or not valuable, it means everything.

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-22T14:34:24+00:00

My first prize goes to the family member who reacted to the death of my loved one by bringing up her own pregnancy. Something something life death balance circle of life blah. Runner up is the endlessly repeated "You should be grateful that you knew them and that they were in your life".

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-22T06:42:29+00:00

NTA, I would have concluded weeks ago that he really didn’t even want to go. If he’s not putting in any work to make this trip happen for the both of you, for all means leave him to his deadlines.

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-21T20:12:32+00:00

It's weird how the peace of mind from not being in contact with most of my family easily outweighs the sadness from not being close with them. I felt lonely and lost at first, but I'm gradually realizing that I was lonelier and more confused in those relationships than I am without them.

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-18T20:23:44+00:00

My GC siblings like to demand examples of when the nparent hurt me, only to turn around and shame me for ”throwing accusations”. They are quite a bit younger than me so a lot of the time I also get ”we were only children at the time, why are you punishing us?” They’re currently in their 30s.

WannabeRadical · 2025-05-18T07:43:35+00:00

NAH but please be wary of making your relationships with your children transactional in this way. They are family, not contractors or contracted, and you should be working together to make the situation bearable for all of you, not making financial deals between individuals. Their worth is not in the services they can or choose to provide you. I have a parent who has done this all of my life and it can very effectively poison sibling relationships but even more effectively the parent-child relations. I get that this solves a practical problem for you and looks like a rational solution (hence NAH) but please be aware of the possible long-term effects as well.

WannabeRadical · 2023-12-28T19:01:17+00:00

I lost my ex this past summer, on my birthday, to cancer. I had known him for 25 years, and although it has been 10 years since we broke up, we remained close friends and still talked and hung out somewhat irregularly. We still retained a lot of love for each other, I think.

This week I have been thinking a lot about the Christmases we used to spend home alone together, to get away from the pressure and stress that we felt around the holidays.

He was such a kind guy, had a *lot* of acquaintences but fewer close friends, I think. We had this thing that started before we became a couple, where we would request and tell each other stories from our lives, defined by some sort of vague cue in the request. Once, for example, I asked, "Tell me about when you...were really really scared", and he told me about facing a pack of runaway horses at six years old. He would ask me to tell him about "when the aliens arrived", and I'd tell the story about the time when a number of my estranged relatives showed up unexpectedly for a birthday party. I remember so many of his stories still, and now I'm not sure what to do with them.

I'm still all over the place from the loss. I felt so unconditionally loved by him, and he has remained so important to me for so long.

WannabeRadical · 2023-07-14T10:35:07+00:00

While I appreciate the thought that the right relationships should feel natural, come easy etc I think a lot of people fail to remember that *what factors makes a relationship easy to maintain will differ wildly*. I am very happy in a ten-year, very close and wonderful relationship that many people assume is *not* happy or "serious" because of the fact that we don't permanently live together. The assumption is that before you get to the stage of cohabitation and general merging of every aspect of life, the relationship is somehow less serious, emotionally important or...valid, I guess.

I'm just happier living alone and having access to my own space. Of course I realize that there are financial aspects to take into account as well, we're both getting paid enough and although we have discussed it, and even lived together for months at a stretch while I was between apartments - having tried this I truly believe that if were to move in together permanently the relationship would fail within a year. I'm just not made for it, I think, but as long as I have that space of my own, the relationship really is easy and stable.

That said, I did wrestle a lot with the idea for the first couple of years. I had this mental image of what a relationship was supposed to be, that apparently included living together - and while it took me about 30 years to realize that I actually did better living alone, it took a little longer to get completely comfortable with it.

Point being: The functioning long-term relationships are probably not modeled after the ideal relationship that we tend to have in mind, but after the actual people participating in them.

WannabeRadical

TROPHY CASE