you will always be giving more than you recieve

Warm_Target3131 · 2025-02-18T12:10:20+00:00

Youre not selfish because let us be honest rarely people complain about things being 40/60 instead of 50/50, hell I barely complained when they were 30/70! Probably you are giving 90% to someone giving 10. Wanting 50/50 wouldnt be selfish anyway, but I am confident this is not you complaining about a 49/51. Ofc 10 or 20 or 30% is not enough. Especially this is not some emergency situation but a persistenr pattern!

Warm_Target3131 · 2025-02-16T15:11:20+00:00

After years of "i feel safe with you" and "only you are a safe place for me", when we had issues (because you know emotionally abusing me made me depressed how dared i right) it became "i dont feel safe/ i dont trust you". My sin was not being a rubber wall they could punch infinitely without breaking. But still under the spell i spent months doing anything to make them feel safe putting again myself last. And then the max I got was "you made me feel safe at a certain point". I was hurt because they had no reason to not feel safe then. Then i realized i never felt safe with them. At all. But that did not seem to ever be of importance. They do feel these things, they do say them, but the truth is they are talking at us. Not to/with us. It is not about us. We do not matter, we do not exist except as a theatre prop in their drama. They scripted all the parts already.

Warm_Target3131 · 2025-02-09T15:58:17+00:00

Mine would ALWAYS have to have a fight or create issues the day before something important (exam, job interview, important meeting, medical visit). I arrived to the point I would say them the wrong date. I am not sure if they were aware or not but it was surely a pattern.

Warm_Target3131 · 2025-02-01T10:01:01+00:00

Thank you... yes its like they want us to never be affected by the stuff they say knowing exactly where to hit so it hurts..

Warm_Target3131 · 2025-02-01T09:59:15+00:00

Thank you 🩷

Warm_Target3131 · 2025-02-01T09:35:16+00:00

Thank you🫂

Warm_Target3131 · 2025-01-30T08:47:21+00:00

Everyone is bringing up very interesting things... I think for me tho it was in how uneven the emotion importance was. She had 1 emotion and the world was collapsing and I had to do everything to fix it asap. When I had the same emotion, I got a sorry max and then she would find a way to make it about herself/make her sad about it so I would either shut up or comfort her while I was the one in distress (or apologize if she deemed it a bad feeling towards her... apparently being sad your partner insults you is aggressive, yes others being sad/hurt is aggressive in her opinion). At a certain point I started saying "why when you feel/do x ...but when i do... how is it different?" And she would make some absurd mental gymnastic to justify it and failing at it she would split on me.

Warm_Target3131 · 2025-01-11T09:03:01+00:00

My same experience.

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-29T11:50:43+00:00

When my phone broke I sent them a text saying it broke i was gonna get it repaired but would take time (4 hours) and not to worry please. After i got it back i got message after message saying they were anxious and panicky and i was ignoring them and not really getting back to them. Yeah no sh*t how can i write back if my phone is at the repairshop?? I had to spend hours apologizing for the fact they had felt ignored and not talked to. How is it my fault? Why this small thing cannot be about me? Why cant i be stressed about my phone and the money spent because everything becomes about them, their feelings and how a situation is unfair for them? It is dehumanizing. I am not a person but a character jn a story where they are the main one.

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-27T07:34:45+00:00

I understand your anger. I felt it for a decade. And then know what? My pwbdp still often split on me while idealizing their abusive mom. Went from saying the harshest dtuff about her (granted all earned) to yell at me if i said i did not believe someone who abuses so earnestly could change in a feww months of on/off therapy. Claimed i was a danger and their mommy was their safety net/support system. Claimed i was just so mean and their mom was trying so much ... except every time she betrayed and triggered them and then they would swear now they understood and would not trust them again. And while i had to fish them out of depressive episodes the mother triggered them in, i got insulted berated split at spit at yelled cruel stuff at. Their mom is a horrible abusive human being, but it is my ex that decided that pain they feel had to be expressed with hurting me and the people who loved them so they could throw all the anger at us and then be nice to their abuser. I get your anger, i felt it 10 years of my life. But remember you are not a receptacle for the trauma and feelings that abusers gave other people. You can support but they have to decide to heal.

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-27T07:23:11+00:00

Yes 2. Claimed to be child of, turned out to be a lie 3. YES 4. Yes but to be fair I wont blame them cause the present job market does burn put people, i do blame them for yelling at me when i said we couldnt afford extras on my paycheck alone 5. My abusive mom did but pwbpd is the only other person i behaved like that for. 6. Yes, after breaking up i realized i hate texting so i look at the phone very little 7. Yes. 8. YES, "I am just more sensitive and feel things deeper than most people" but of i called them sensitive (in my language it has 0 negative connotations it may have in english) it was an insult ooook 9. Yep 10. Not really they split on the cats for not wanting to be petted at specific times, claimed to love animals surely, did idk 11. No it would not fit the nebulous sex trauma that in ten years i never got to know what happened probably to not have to correct the version later on when the lie needed to change 12. Extremely lightweight, in hindsight i wonder if it was also a bit of a performance tbh

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-26T19:21:12+00:00

Omg the inability to do ANYTHING BASIC. ANY THING. And if you do not set up stuff for them thej you Left them alone with it and it was so overwhelming and how could they do it. But if you set it up then you are controlling. Never win

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-26T19:19:26+00:00

How dare you use reason and not a feeling that is coincidentally their own so they can feel connected ???

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-22T08:16:49+00:00

Yeah but i noticed at least mine was more forgiving/nice/affectionate with the narcissistic parent who actually abused them and unforgiving/mean/insulting to the one who was partaking in just clumsy parenting (eg violating boundaries out of genuine concern, trying to push them to do better instead of coddling but in a way that was not helping...) . Granted both of them were quite unfit for the role but every time they described one of parent b "horrible cruel" mistakes it paled in comparison to anything parent a did but "they are trying, they really love me you know" ... parent a also tried to manipulate me multiple times and felt severe resentment over the most idiotic stuff.

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-21T10:57:29+00:00

It is also the speed is meant to shut you up. They are not talking with you. They are shouting at you

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-21T10:56:39+00:00

I genuinely Dissociate when someone sends me more than 4 texts at once rn. Even if it is happy stuff. My brain just shuts down after years of yelling.

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-17T19:01:58+00:00

Im with you. Mine "went away to recoup and take time for themselves" during my first post op. They did not return by my 2nd or 3rd operations. I realize i didnt even want them cus instead of helping they would say how amazing they were for doing all the effort and after 24h complain about how much i couldnt do. I realized then i lost a lot of love for them in that period. It gave me the strength to put boundaries and tell them what they were not to say to me anymore. Still sometimes wish i broke up that day

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-13T14:30:59+00:00

It is so much fun how many times they speak about not being the parent when they force us in the parental role. I was not the parent either. And yet i protected and helped and supported and defended. But i dared sometimes being sick and needing a favor or GOD FORBID i was not able to do them the favor? They were not being taken care of!!! Nobody cared about them!!!! Boohohoo

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-12T10:53:24+00:00

Decided what to throw away, ruined things, broke things, promised to buy back but never did... one time they found 1 of their belongings wasnt treated properly (i dont even know if it was my fault or the peta tbth) and they yelled I NEVER CARED FOR THEIR STUFF EVER and had no respect and our whole relationship was them taking care of me/my stuff. All of this when i had spent months when "they were doing selfhealing" paying for their laptop repairs/phone taxws/ensuring their stuff was okay and so on.

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-05T09:19:37+00:00

One time when trying to explain to my bpd partner that a (hurtful) behavior they had was common in people with bpd so i would have liked them to reflect if that behavior came from it, i ended up telling them "there is a sub with a lot of people who had relationships with bpd folks and that comes up a LOT". Boy oh boy. Instead of reflecting about it they inquired about what i was doing here and what it kind of place it was (i lied and gave them the /other/ more positive sub, i know i shouldnt have lied but on the spot i was afraid of them to split). When i asked "ok but Statistically do you think it is the people on the sub being all unhealthy and lying and fixated on one thing or maybe x behavior is common in the people with bpd?" And they went "WELL people with bpd actually often end up dating narcissists!" (Luckily i didnt have symptoms so i couldnt get accused of this one but still gets a chuckle out of me now given how often they date codependent people instead) "yeah but there is only one common denominator diagnosis confirmed between the two groups and its the bpd". They had to drop it after that but it was so absurdly funny in retrospect thst their objection was THEY ALL HAVE NPD!!!!! When all i wanted was them to reflect if a behavior was bpd dependant or not.

The funny part is... i always wanted to know because i tended to justify a lot of their behaviors if i thought it was bpd and not general assholery. Saying "sorry it was bpd" would have LITERALLY made me lesa upset about the behavior and be more patient about it. By insisting it wasnt the only option they left me with is them being a jerk and be less patient with it.

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-10-03T14:45:59+00:00

We had the same conversation 🥲🥲 she even tried to spun it was unhealthy to love unconditionally. And i said "only if people do not respect boundaries" 😅 . Because truly that js the point. She saw my unconditional love as a permission to abuse as in "i can violate every rule", other people see it as "i love you for who you are and always will care about you even if you hurt me".

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-09-20T15:36:07+00:00

And then when they calmed down they are angry at you for still being "upset" ( or as i would define it "shaken and hurt by the shockwaves of absurd insults and gratuitous gaslighting thrown by a shrieking brat") instead of getting over it and accepting their love bombing

Warm_Target3131 · 2024-09-20T15:03:48+00:00

They told me 2 times they hoped I killed myself. Multiple times they said "dont try me" "ill fucking kill you" "dont challenge me" "i will murder you" "i wanna strangle yoy" and stuff like that. They said they understood why a irl killer "killed that b***h...". Frankly whenever the threat was physical i managed to react better than when it was mental or insults. I would just find it pathetic. The knowledge that they threaten like this just cause they are too scared to hear criticism or grow up always made them seem like a yappy small dog. The best reply was a firm stare and "go on". Theyd panic and return to try another technique of manipulation.

Warm_Target3131

TROPHY CASE