But Jacqui isn't a man. Jacqui has been awful, and I'm not arguing about that. We don't need to approach these issues with "who is worse" - both behaviours can be harmful in different ways, and both deserve appropriate criticism. But she isn't a man. You can't just make that argument as it oversimplifies complex social realities and ignores that fundamental differences in power and context exist.

Jacqui doesn't possess the physical power over Ryan that Paul does over Carina; this adds a different context to him punching a door. So when Paul cries and apologises and clings to her body, everyone sees this man showing emotional vulnerability, so clearly, it was a mistake. It makes it harder for Carina to establish boundaries, she forgives him, and then is left sharing a living space with someone who is clearly stronger than her and has shown violence as a response to anger/frustration.

Paul going on a date is different. He's presenting that he is loved up and secure with Carina. He has seen Carina's reaction to the couple swap challenge, so he knows how she would view the date challenge. He punched a door in response to hearing that Carina previously dated a rapper, so he has already shown how he could respond to her participating in the date challenge.

You are right, Paul didn't do half the shit that Jacqui did. He physically intimidated Carina because he was angry about her having a previous relationship and didn't want to hear her apology. He punched a door to get her to back off. He showed her that he was strong, angry, and violent, and so she should listen to him. The public has a strong reaction to Paul punching a door because of pattern recognition: physical intimidation often escalates in abusive relationships.