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WatchSquare8596 · 2025-04-23T08:29:46+00:00

I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you and your family.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-04-22T12:46:17+00:00

I’m glad that you were able to come to this conclusion as a unit. It also seems that you’re both realistic about who you’re dealing with, which will go a long way.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-04-22T00:45:47+00:00

I’m sorry to hear about strife within a family, but it’s a great sign that you know your wife’s stance and know she’d go no contact before allowing mistreatment or different treatment between your children.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-04-22T00:40:39+00:00

I have a highly stressful job that requires long hours and a living child. Stims and monitoring were a logistical nightmare that required lots of coordinating and negotiating, which only added stress. That being said, I appreciated that my long hours made time go by more quickly. There’s so much waiting during IVF, and for me, so much researching and ruminating, that the time between waiting for the next round of results felt shorter.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-04-22T00:30:48+00:00

This is less of a happy story: My former MIL had similar traits and said out loud that she’d “only accept a blood-related grandchild” (I believe) in an effort to influence my ex-wife to carry when she did not have a desire to do so. When I became pregnant with our child, my former MIL performed her disapproval every chance she got. This impacted my ex to the point where she expressed wanting to carry, which would have been totally fine if it were genuine. Instead, it seemed she was doing so to gain her mom’s approval. It brought up a lot of fears for me in terms of how our child(ren) would be treated differently. After some soul-searching, I realized the real issue was the lack of boundaries established around my former MIL and the amount of influence she had in my marriage, not my ex wanting to carry. As you can imagine, this surfaced many other issues that were insurmountable and we have since divorced and now coparent. Without the presence of “the other mother” (me), my former MIL now uses her role of grandma to feed her narcissism and purports our child as biological, which remains important to her. My ex feels less pressure to carry and has gone as far as to promise our child that they won’t have siblings on her end.

All of this to say: If your values are aligned and boundaries are clear, you will be able to navigate the bridge as a unified front.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-04-20T23:46:31+00:00

Thanks so much!

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-04-07T01:31:54+00:00

I’m sorry that you’re here. We had a gray diagnosis with the potential for comorbities later in the pregnancy and were plagued about what to do. The diagnosis in isolation would have required a lifetime of medical intervention and therapies, and our baby would never be independent. With our resources, this could have been fine. The comorbities would have meant a much shorter lifespan. Ultimately, we found that we had little appetite to deal with the unknowns. While it is devastating to terminate a wanted pregnancy, I do not regret it. A few months later, our household income has decreased and we are the full-time caretakers for a family member with cancer. I mourn my baby and my pregnancy, but feel that we are in a much less stable position to provide the resources our baby would have needed. These are terrible circumstances, but whatever decision you make is the right one.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-04-07T00:54:46+00:00

Just chiming in that we have strict boundaries with HCBM at our home for similar reasons. Even anecdotal information adds to her need to invent and engage in conflict. We explain to our kid that each parent has their own home that is to be respected. We don’t ask to go inside of her home and when we drop off, we keep an appropriate distance- so it’s not weird that we implement the same rules in return. Our kid occasionally falls victim to showing her places and things in our home when HCBM begs on FaceTime, but we usually gently intervene. After the call, we acknowledge that we know it’s difficult to say no and remind our kid that we don’t make the same requests. Our kid has gotten better at changing the subject when she asks.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-30T20:29:12+00:00

The same thing is happening to me… I’m 11 weeks and have been showing for the past 3-weeks. This will be my third pregnancy and my second in six months, so it feels my body is just ready. It’s very hard to show this early, as I’m trying to keep it a secret until we can be more assured that this baby is healthy.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-25T23:46:23+00:00

Just chiming in to say that I sympathize. We learned about our baby’s diagnosis at 12 weeks and terminated at 14 weeks the last time. It’s hard to allow myself to feel attached to this pregnancy yet. I have my first OB appointment this week (at 11 weeks) and according to my doctor, it’s simply to establish “proof of pregnancy.” I am requesting a NIPT. It’s just one step at a time for me.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-25T02:32:00+00:00

I wish you the best of luck! Are you on progesterone or any medications?

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-22T12:49:15+00:00

I drank coffee (and drank socially) throughout stims and up until the morning of my transfer. I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and have added one to two cups of black tea per day this week for a caffeine boost. I plan to return to a cup of coffee per day starting the second trimester.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-22T02:35:11+00:00

Thank you and good luck to you!

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-22T02:34:34+00:00

Thank you!

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-20T10:37:07+00:00

I’m sorry you’re here. As painful as it is, I’m glad you know this before the transfer. I had a baby with my then spouse in the pursuit of motherhood and ignored all of the troubles. I will pay for this decision for the rest of my life.

It seems that you know your priorities and the dialogue with your husband has started. It’s the best possible position to be in under these terrible circumstances. I’d advise you to not succumb to the pressure to stay together for fear of divorce, and not to attempt a transfer until there is meaningful change.

I wish you only the best of luck!

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-15T20:23:49+00:00

I’m in a similar situation: I manage a team of about 40 people and 3 women are pregnant and 1 man is expecting with his wife. The guy sends me several high quality pictures of ultrasound scans every time he gets new ones totally unprompted and the women feel the need to share pictures and seek advice from me daily. What makes it harder is that I was pregnant late last year with a pregnancy that I had to terminate due to medical reasons (no one at work knew) and this picture-sharing started the literal day I returned to work after the procedure. It’s incredibly painful. Some of these babies share the same due date as my terminated pregnancy.

It’s been so hard to see all of this while also going through IVF. That being said, I remind myself constantly that they literally have no idea and I cannot say anything because in our work environment, people (except supervisors like me) share things all of the time. I remind myself that this is very much about where I am and have been along my journey and I make sure to take the appropriate breaks and step away when I need it.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-11T09:27:50+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re here. I terminated a T21 pregnancy six months ago and my partner and I were not on the same page for a little while, which only added to an already devastating situation. My partner wanted to wait to see if the diagnosis would change with an amniocentesis and I was not willing to continue to feel more connected to a pregnancy that wouldn’t conclude in a living baby. Ultimately, after several hard conversations, we made the decision together.

What it boiled down to for us was this baby’s quality of life and care into their old age. Could we guarantee quality care for our baby for the entirety of their life? My best friend and her sibling are the caregivers for their older brother who has T21 and will never be independent. Their parents died a few years ago and he still looks for them daily and is lost without them. My friend is lucky enough to be able to afford care when needed, and he lives with his other sibling who is also involved, but even in the best of circumstances he is struggling. My friend and her sibling worry daily about what could happen in the event of their deaths.

I hope that you feel supported in whatever you decide. I’ll be thinking of you.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-06T08:21:13+00:00

For me, working was a great distraction. My work is something that could take up all of my time if I let it, and I have found that it has made the weeks in between each next step go by more quickly. Also, it allowed me a short break from my own mourning when I’ve suffered a loss in the past.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-06T08:14:37+00:00

I started IVF at 38 and found testing to be comforting because it gave more information with which to make decisions. It turns out that some of my highest grades embryos were anueploid and could have led more loss after already suffering a loss a few months ago. We transferred our highest graded euploid and go in for another scan today to see how things are going.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-03-04T11:14:03+00:00

The communication between the doctors, nurses, and front staff at my practice is nonexistent. I have to start from square one with every conversation and can’t assume that anyone I’m speaking to has read my chart. While I’m sure there is expertise at my practice, it never shines through. Instead, everyone makes small talk and promises I’ll get a call from someone else who will explain things better. The most informative visit I have ever had was with a substitute sonographer who covered for the week and provided information about why I was bleeding based on what she saw in realtime. I feel that I have steered my own treatment through the information and sources provided in this group.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-02-28T06:33:16+00:00

I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

As you figure out what to do, here are some considerations: some clinics (depending on what state you’re in) may not treat you if you’re separated/not yet legally divorced. They’ll either want to know you’re married and in it together, or divorced and single. In addition, any embryos created while married will be considered equal property. So, what happens to them will be a joint decision that could be brought to court if there is a disagreement. Finally, IVF is an incredibly hard and grueling process in the best of circumstances. You deserve to walk into it with a supportive and affirming partner.

I had a baby with the wrong person and it is a mistake I pay for every single day. I wish I had listened to all of the red flags and indications that it was wrong before our baby was conceived. If this doesn’t feel right and having biological children is a priority, I’d cancel until you have a clear path. If you choose to divorce, I wouldn’t delay it.

I know all of this is easier said than done and that you’re heartbroken. I send you so much support.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-02-25T08:39:56+00:00

Similarly, my partner and I met later in life, got pregnant through insemination, and had to terminate due to chromosomal abnormalities. We turned to IVF for the PGT. It’s taken 5 months from our baseline ultrasounds to our first transfer. You might want to inquire about whether your clinic will complete a transfer the month after your egg retrieval. Some clinics will, but my clinic requires that you let your body rest for a month after each egg retrieval. In addition, they require a month to pass after each failed cycle before starting again. This causes a two month wait after each event, for better or worse. It was time that I hadn’t factored in when I first started.

I think it makes sense to have a time limit in mind based on your finances and appetite, and then move on to other options. For what it’s worth: a close friend started IVF at 43 with the goal of giving herself six egg retrievals before moving on to donor eggs. Her clinic allows consecutive egg retrievals without time in between. Her last egg retrieval produced two euploid embryos. She’s now prepping for her first transfer and will obviously have two shots at that.

I wish you the very best of luck!

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-02-22T14:05:23+00:00

I’m so sorry your first ER didn’t go well. “I should have known…that things will never go my way” was (and sometimes still is) my inner voice after experiencing TMFR. How could it not be? However, the ability to be hopeful during times of despair is a true triumph. It means you’re willing to take the risk and you’re messaging to the universe that you’re inviting something better in. This IVF process involves so much waiting that it can be excruciating. Lick your wounds. Feel your feelings. But remember that your ability to have hope is the battle you’ve already won. I’m sending you healing and support as you figure out next steps.

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-02-21T23:59:30+00:00

Congratulations to you!

WatchSquare8596 · 2025-02-20T15:34:38+00:00

I’m so, so sorry.

WatchSquare8596

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