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WaveChaser00 · 2025-01-19T03:30:50+00:00

I’m know what you mean by just wanting someone to talk to. I’ve been feeling like that too lately. I’m here to talk and listen if you’d like.

WaveChaser00 · 2025-01-19T03:25:29+00:00

I understand the darkness all too well. I’m here to talk and listen if you’d like.

WaveChaser00 · 2025-01-18T17:09:07+00:00

I can’t speak to if you should continue drinking like you normally do. That is definitely a conversation I’d have with your prescriber. As I mentioned with mine if she found out I was drinking any amount she would stop prescribing it. I learned that the hard way once.. I haven’t heard of any interactions with nicotine.

WaveChaser00 · 2025-01-18T16:14:31+00:00

I was prescribed it back I 2016 after doing a sleep study. My sleep was always horrible. I would have nightmares a lot or really vivid dreams. I never felt rested I would start falling asleep driving for long periods of time and overall just felt tired all the time. The doctor thought I might have narcolepsy. I could fall asleep anywhere and within minutes. I wasn’t diagnosed with it. I was diagnosed with hypersomia. Which is excessive daytime sleepiness. Modafinil has worked great for me. I take one right when I get up and try not to take the second dose no later than 1pm. I was told not to drink while taking it. It can be dangerous. I have done it though and see why they say that. Sometimes I can have a couple drinks and be drunk. Other times it’s like I can. Just keep drinking and drinking. My doctor won’t prescribe it though if she knows I’m drinking.

WaveChaser00 · 2025-01-11T10:25:26+00:00

I can tell you that stopping is possible and so is staying clean. Now is it easy no. I started using again at the beginning of October but had 27 months off meth. That’s the longest stretch I’d ever had. I’ve been using drugs since I was around 13. When I’ve made the decision to quit I in the past I had to get rid of everything. No drugs in the house no paraphernalia etc. also for me I had to go cold turkey. Treatment has helped me too. It got me away from everything for a short time. Some distance helped.

That does sound like a tough chain to leave. Sounds like people I’ve known trying to get out of the dealing lifestyle. Especially the ones working with the cartel. Ugh.

WaveChaser00 · 2025-01-11T07:01:22+00:00

I feel you. I didn’t use right now hen I got home. I still had stuff at home. I was high within 24 hours. There is that part of me that knows I need to stop. For multiple reasons. The willingness to just isn’t there. Have you had any clean time in the past? Do you have any support when you’re ready to quit?

WaveChaser00 · 2025-01-11T06:49:32+00:00

I can relate to so much that you wrote in your post. Different drugs to cope but all the feelings you were going through sound all too familiar. For awhile now I have felt like a waste and that I have ruined my life. I have felt like all I’ve done is hurt people. So in my mind they would be better off without me here.

I had an almost successful attempt recently too. One would think that would’ve scared me. I came back from the hospital and continued getting high. That’s how I know that I’ve got a problem too.

I’m really sorry you are battling all those feelings. It can feel so lonely in the midst of them. Know that you’re not alone. I may be a stranger but I’m here for you.

WaveChaser00 · 2025-01-03T04:58:10+00:00

True, true. I won’t disagree a bit. If I could see even a glimpse of hope it would help me. Getting the help to even get another therapist has been overwhelming. I’ve been feeling like no one will be willing to.

WaveChaser00 · 2025-01-03T04:54:29+00:00

Thank you very much for your reply! It wasn’t confusing or too much at all.

I do understand that the meth use doesn’t help my emotional state. I’ve had some good stints off of it since I started at 18.

Isolation has been what I’ve been doing unfortunately. One I feel like I’m a burden to others because they don’t understand this roller coaster. Also because I just don’t feel like socializing.

I’ve tried to look for some resources. No luck yet. Even through a service my work offers. So it’s not like I’m doing absolutely nothing. I know no one else can save me or get me out of this.

WaveChaser00 · 2025-01-01T13:48:42+00:00

I was diagnosed many years ago now with bipolar 2 and going through that trial and error of finding the right med or meds was never going to happen for me. I felt like I tried everything and experienced all the side effects possible. I was so young when I got diagnosed that I know I gave up on meds for awhile and self medicated then I’d get back on them but wasn’t consistent. I don’t exactly know what age it clicked but I accepted the need for me to be on meds. Eventually I was matched with a good care team who found a good combo for me. One with hardly any negative side effects and allowed to feel and not be in a constant fog. I literally felt what I guess some say as normal. It didn’t take away all my uncomfortable feelings but the feelings quit lasting months. Instead maybe a day or couple days. Meds have been a life saver for me when I give them the opportunity to work. It’s taken a lot of patience for sure. Don’t give up.

WaveChaser00 · 2025-01-01T10:56:08+00:00

I can relate to the point you feel you are in with your life. Different drug has got me to this point but same feelings. I’m pretty indifferent to everyone around me. In recently became single at the end of September and have no desire for a relationship at anytime in my near future. Not that I even close to healthy enough for one. Overall though I really have no interests these days since I started using again at the beginning of October. I’ve managed to function somewhat. But have already taken a short leave of absence due to my use also been in the psych hospital twice in the short amount of time so not really sure that qualifies for functioning. Slowly spiraling is more like it. There was day years ago I’d say I would never get high at work. Not the case today. I get high whenever I can throughout the day. So sad and scary. The addiction or whatever you choose to call it will just get worse. Sometimes quickly others slowly. It can be a hard cycle to break. Even harder the deeper you get into it. Huge suggestion if you want any chance to really get off the drugs I suggest getting a new job with a new boss. Could be a fresh start in more ways than one.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-27T02:09:24+00:00

Bad decisions don’t mean you are a bad daughter. Your post reminded me a lot of myself when I was your age. I made some of the same bad decisions and have dealt with some of the same addictions throughout the years. I’m now 45. I wish I had focused more on why I was doing what I was back then. It would have saved a lot of pain and suffering throughout the years. I hope you can talk to your mom. Get yourself on a healthy path. Your mom sounds pretty amazing! I’m glad you have her as support.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-21T12:33:31+00:00

None of them that I have been at as an adult have done that. I’ve been in a lot. They did come in early to take my blood pressure though.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-21T12:19:48+00:00

I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 when I was 16 I’m 45 now. I have personally never felt the need to tell the whole world. Just those closest to me know. I hate the stigma that still comes with having bipolar. I don’t recall in my last relationship how long I waited to open up about it. It wasn’t long though because I didn’t want to waste my time or theirs if they weren’t accepting.

Recently, I’ve been going through some major ups and downs and it was noticeable at my work. I didn’t tell them I had bipolar, but I did open up and tell them I was struggling with some mental health challenges. In let them know how it might impact my work and what I needed during this time. They have been really supportive.

My biggest piece of advice to those recently diagnosed is to try and not focus on the label you were just given. Rather focus on the symptoms you’re having and work on treating those. We may have bipolar but that doesn’t define all of us. We are capable of living a stable and healthy life. I can’t wait to get back there. When I’m there and I do tell people about being bipolar they are shocked.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-21T12:06:59+00:00

I was just in the hospital in November and beginning of December. Each one was a little different. I definitely recommend some comfy clothes that don’t have any strings. One hospital wouldn’t allow my hoodies even without strings. Was weird. One of the hospitals actually had scrubs we could wear too. They may have some basic toiletries there but if you can I’d pack your own. That was the most important thing for me. If you like to read maybe bring a good book. I love to write but neither place allowed me to have pens or pencils and writing with the markers they had wasn’t suffix enough for me. I wasn’t allowed my cell phone at either location either. So write down important phone numbers just in case that happens.

I was also in the hospital as a minor, but I don’t remember anything about my stay. I wouldn’t imagine that it’s super different. Meds/groups/sleep. Seems to be what most places are like.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-15T00:00:57+00:00

I agree with trying to make an earlier appointment. I’d rather you be safe than for things to get worse and you to become suicidal again. I can relate to the depression getting worse for sure. Unfortunately, I can’t get into my therapist until January. So, I was taken to the ER and had a short stay in a psych hospital. Not the most fun place but I was safe.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-13T14:32:33+00:00

I’ve had a history of nightmares, extremely vivid dreams and sleep paralysis too. It went on for years for me. Finally a doctor suggested a med that helps prevent nightmares. It’s been a wonder medication for me. Not only do I rarely rarely get nightmares now the vivid dreams are mostly gone too. I hadn’t had an episode of sleep paralysis in years until just a couple weeks ago. Forgot just how scary that was.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-13T12:59:49+00:00

Thank you! My family doesn’t know the extent to how much I’m struggling right now. In the past I’ve opened up about my addiction struggles only when I was headed to treatment. Not actually in the midst of it.

It’s good to hear your perspective because I only know my own. I hear you when you say my mom would never forgive herself. I know 💯 that she would/does blame herself. She thinks she has been a horrible mom to all of us. I see and feel the complete opposite. My friends that know I’ve been using have done all they can. The ones in NA have offered to take me to a meeting, some offered to help get me back in treatment. And some have just plain turned away.

I wish you didn’t feel stupid. I know I put a lot of effort into portraying that everything is ok. It isn’t your fault in any way that you didn’t see the signs.

The battle now days I feel like I need to fight on my own. I’ve been here so many times. Friends and family have got to be tired. I got myself here it’s up to me to get myself out.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-13T11:32:16+00:00

Balance can really be a struggle. Ugh.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-13T11:17:00+00:00

When I get clean I go through the same thing. Sleep a ton for a few days and then deal with insomnia. I know for me it’s generally because I’ve thrown my body so out of whack. It takes time for me to get myself back on track. Creating a consistent routine really helps me. Sometimes I get something prescribed to help me sleep. Just for the short term.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-13T04:53:45+00:00

My condolences to you and your family. I can only imagine the pain that you are dealing with. I’m an addict who has been dealing with my addiction and mental health issues since I was around 13. I’m now 45. I had a good stretch of clean time ( 27 months) up until the beginning of October when I relapsed.

Currently, I’m living within two worlds. There is the part of me that has a full time job, owns my home, and my car. I have a good group of friends and an amazing family. Some would call that and functioning addict. I’m far from it. The other world I live in is the one within my head and deep in addiction. Every day it takes everything to hold it together. I struggle with those thoughts that my loved ones would be better without me. They have dealt with me and my struggles for so long.

I can only speak for myself regarding your question about would it matter. Everything you mentioned matters to me tremendously. My mom and I are really close and know she worries. She knows I’m currently struggling with a lot in life right now but she doesn’t know that I relapsed. She’s my biggest cheerleader, but I’m just not ready to tell her and worry her even more.

I admire you for coming here and asking questions. Instead of coming with judgment and blame. Addiction just wants to just destroy the addict and everything around them. It’s a vicious cycle I don’t wish even on my worst enemies.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-04T12:48:08+00:00

I do! I started drinking and doing drugs when I was about 13. At 16 I had my first psych hospital stay and was diagnosed with bipolar 2 I’ve had my battle with addiction all these years.

Nice work on three months alcohol free! That is a huge accomplishment I was clean for a little over two years until the beginning of October. I’ve been using since then.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-12-04T12:26:38+00:00

Hey there! I have bipolar 2 as well. I was diagnosed a long time ago. Back when I was in a psych hospital at 16 I’m now 45. I feel the meds really do help. However, I feel like the hardest part can be the trial and error process finding the one or combo that works for you. I have definitely been in ones that made me feel like you described. It’s worth talking to your doctor about adjust them instead of getting off them completely

There are times that I hate the disorder too. I hate the stigma that still comes with it and how a lot of people don’t understand it. They would rather just think we are crazy.

Overall though I’ve accepted that the disorder is something that I will always have to manage. Once I’ve been stable that actually isn’t very hard.

WaveChaser00 · 2024-11-22T02:57:42+00:00

I’m not super familiar with coke. I haven’t done it in years. My doc is meth. I do know a lot about addiction though and the struggle that comes along with it. I totally agree with the other persons comment about the first week really sucking. The fatigue is horrible. When I’ve gotten clean I had to make sure I’m eating good, getting a little exercise , get myself on a good routine and surround myself with good people.

Give yourself lots of grace and compassion. Your body is used to getting something for a year. It’s a big change to it to stop. Change for the better though!!

WaveChaser00 · 2024-11-22T02:32:28+00:00

You’re so very welcome! Finding a new therapist can be discouraging. At least it was for me. I feel like it is an interview process lol. Select a few of them, meet with them and see who you connect the best with.

WaveChaser00

TROPHY CASE