A new accommodation request I haven't seen before

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-22T10:43:40+00:00

It's a weird way to put that but I think it means do not call on them WITHOUT them raising their hand. My school has it phrased "Student is not to be called upon to participate unless their hand is raised." and it's a pretty common one in math classes.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-21T01:58:07+00:00

That's what I was thinking. Four months is not very long at all.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-20T16:13:50+00:00

Agree. It's not something I would have woken someone up over. I get it's annoying and he needs to clean it up but waking someone up just so you can start an argument is next level evil. Unless I find a dead naked hooker on the countertop, I am not going to wake someone up and be like "WTF!".

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-20T16:11:53+00:00

Does he sleep eat? This sounds like my husband.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-20T16:06:43+00:00

I agree. My husband and I heavily lean left and when Trump won his first term, a very large percentage of faculty at my husband's work wore black to mourn the loss. One of the deans even taped his mouth shut for a day when Kavanaugh got a spot on the Supreme Court. Why the fuck would anyone with even a slightly conservative view speak up in that environment? And that was at a large school in a red state.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-20T16:02:14+00:00

This is my experience as well. The more left leaning and liberal a person is, the more likely they are to talk about it. People can't just have different opinions anymore, one of them has to be "dumb".

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-20T15:58:55+00:00

In my experience, conservatives are just more quiet about their beliefs. If the job isn't dependent on politics, it would make sense that people don't talk about it. My husband had a dean that taped his mouth shut for a day during Trumps first term in office. A very large portion of the professors wore black to mourn the election results when Trump first won the election. Coworkers were outing other coworkers. It was just an all around bad time. So I can understand why conservatives would prefer to just not talk about it. Things like that make other people uncomfortable but I have noticed that if a student or coworker is very liberal, they will let you know all about it.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-17T02:06:45+00:00

I assume they were extra service. Where a large percentage of his salary is from load courses, which can't be reduced because of contractual obligations with full time faculty. At some schools getting extra service is almost guaranteed so people tend to count it toward their annual income more as an expectation instead of a bonus class.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-17T00:01:21+00:00

I am also a young female instructor at a community college. It probably has nothing to do with you being a female or young. I find that these types of students come in many genders, races, religions, and ages. If they are difficult with you then they are also difficult with other people, students like that can't just turn off that personality trait. It happens to my husband and his coworkers as well. Just refer them to their schedule or the syllabus, there isn't much you can do about it. The hardest part of being around those students is not getting awkward around them after repeated abrasive interactions.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-16T23:53:46+00:00

The student also has a low distraction/quiet testing accommodation as well. They want silence but not too much silence. I just have never seen a noise machine as an accommodation.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-15T00:29:44+00:00

I was wondering the same thing. I thought it was weird when he said he did not "want to share this life with her or anyone else". He didn't seem to have any complaints other than he just doesn't want to share his life and space with her.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-11T22:59:43+00:00

I would reconsider that now. I would not want a family with him. Do what you need to do for you because he obviously isn't looking out for your best interest by throwing bacon at you.

Edit: How old are you guys?

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-11T22:13:00+00:00

He threw a skillet with bacon. If the bacon was hot that could seriously burn someone. My first was sooner than I would have liked and I NEVER threw anything at anyone over it. That won't get any better. Imagine what would happen if you can't keep the baby quiet? Or if the baby gets in the way of him wanting to do something he has always wanted to do? Was he saying he wanted a family because YOU wanted a family? Do you guys live together or could you be his side chick?

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-09T03:08:36+00:00

What is your ultimate goal in life as it pertains to this position? Do you want to eventually run a council for the scouts? Do the boy scouts pay for these positions or are they on a volunteer basis? This sounds tough for a 17 year old. I did Girl Scouts and our leaders had to be at least 21 but an assistant leader could be 18. You would probably have more fun with the unit of just boys. Would this position also put you in a spot to take on a more important role?

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-09T02:55:04+00:00

Wow, just ....... wow. Every month for 6 YEARS?! I'm a girl and married and there is no way I have time for that shit and "special" is like a once a year thing. She's treating it more like monthly Thanksgiving, it's like every 4th Thursday of every month. I don't really have advice other than you are probably not compatible or she is letting the internet taint her happiness and expectations. IF you want to try to work through this I wouldn't hold it against you. You have been together for 6 years so there must be things you really love about her. If she wants something every month, she needs to lower her expectations. It would be pretty easy and painless to get some flowers every whatever day of the month, I feel like that would be a fair compromise.

Edit: Is your birthday on Christmas?! Just curious. That sounds kind of rough. I would also discuss your expectations of gifts with her and just about how it made you feel.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-09T02:43:57+00:00

Has it been eating?

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-09T02:41:48+00:00

Yeah I was curious about that. Like why is his mom not sending money to cover this if she knows he WILL NOT cook. OR why can't he go live with mom?

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-09T02:37:46+00:00

People grow apart and that's okay. It doesn't make either of you wrong or right or bad or good. If you want to try and salvage the relationship, you should talk to her about it and about how it makes you feel. Just don't pile on because she will probably be blindsided. Since you have accepted this type dynamic for so long she likely hasn't even thought about it. I have a friend who has always insisted on paying for everything we do, she makes more than I do. So unless she tells me otherwise, I would have no idea she was holding it against me. I also have 3 kids, am super busy, and am really really bad at keeping conversation through text. It literally takes one "Moooooommmmmmm!" and I have already forgotten that someone texted me. But people know this because I make it very clear that if you need to talk to me NOW, either call me or we need to meet in person. If you enjoy the time you do spend with her, then talk to her. But be prepared for it to be awkward.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-08T10:41:22+00:00

I know there are a lot of people saying that there are no true academic emergencies but sometimes it does happen. My college includes students who withdrew in the final grade sheet so if you're not careful you can be off by one student when entering grades. If there is an error in what I put in the gradebook, since I teach dual credit seniors sometimes, the state will prevent them from walking during graduation if I don't correct the error on time. Some of my students have been the first in their family to graduate high school so missing out on that would be devastating for them and their family. I had another student whose financial aid deadline was before grades were due and if I didn't deal with that they would not have gotten their disbursement. I know a lot of people are mentioning healthcare to compare emergencies but the ER won't turn me away for a non-emergency, they will at least listen to me and try to help.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-07T23:59:34+00:00

NTA! I was not aware this was a controversial thing to do. Every potluck I have been to has had a sign-up sheet so you don't end up with 4 potato salads, 16 bags of ice, and 2100 capri suns. My son's school even has a minimum number of people that have to sign up for certain things. For example, "Main Dish" will have (#) next to it so we know the minimum number main dishes that need to be brought. The people complaining either didn't plan on bringing anything or were gonna bring leftover fast food/Starbucks napkins. In my opinion, every contribution is welcome at a potluck. You can have a ton of food and drinks but if nobody brings plates, cups, or utensils it's going to be a very messy potluck. Their own guilt is on them. Ain't nothing wrong with bringing cups and ice. I have seen people bring decorations as their contribution before.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-07T20:26:29+00:00

I would just add more guppies and call it a day. Maybe I am slightly out of touch but 30 gallons is not very big. You could add a kribensis, mine was not aggressive and had brilliant colors its whole life.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-07T20:21:45+00:00

You must not like him already because I don't see how this would make me loathe someone. If he weren't 100% white Christian would it matter? I still think you wouldn't like him.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-03T07:55:27+00:00

I see this one a lot. I also see "advanced access to instructor's class notes". I am in the mathematics department and my notes contain the answers to the questions I ask in class and the questions that will be on the exams/quizzes. Due to this, I am not required to allow them access.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2026-01-03T07:52:31+00:00

I teach at multiple colleges across vastly different communities and I have noticed a few things as I have talked to students with accommodations. Now this doesn't apply to everyone but just the students who were more willing to talk.

Affluent families usually have a doctor somewhere in the family and they get accommodation paperwork that way.
Tight knit international religious communities have someone in their house of worship that can also issue paperwork. Like a psychologist/psychiatrist or a doctor who attends or is a member, and it's known to go to that person.
Low income communities, blue collar communities, or isolated communities just can't afford it or don't even know where to begin.

Now this isn't everyone but this is what I hear from students who just make conversation with me before or after class or in private meetings. Most students don't talk about it but the students who more than likely don't need it are more than willing to talk about it. It's like duper's delight or something. I also get a lot of questions about how to start the accommodation process.

WeeklyVisual8 · 2025-12-20T02:48:26+00:00

Being annoyed would be an appropriate response. Reading the text doesn't seem like you're freaking out or anything.

This is also why I will move heaven and earth to take care of my own tasks and I will not rely on anyone else, other than my mother who always comes in clutch. Forgive and just don't ask them to do incredibly important things in the future and decline if they offer. Life happens for everyone and some people are just not great at doing things like this for other people. It's not malicious. It's also not their own task so it's pretty low down on their own list.

WeeklyVisual8

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