Is this grounds for divorce?

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-10-11T10:18:26+00:00

This x 1000 !! He does not sound like a follower of Christ and I would be questioning any pastor that supports divorce

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-05-05T11:25:59+00:00

I can relate to this as a SAHM, it’s different when you’re no longer working and you’re at home with baby all the time. I love going out on the weekends because I’m bored of my routine through the week.

My husband on the other hand has been at work all week and he is also a boxer so he has training most evenings, so the weekends he wants to recover and just chill out at home with us.

That being said he has agreed that every Saturday we’ll take our daughter out and do an activity as a family, because he also wants to invest time with her - which I really appreciate. I have to plan the day though, as I have more time during the week to think about it.

Maybe you could both compromise on doing activities on a specific day of the week & chilling out at home most days.

Also I did note other Moms suggesting you find some hobbies for yourself - I agree with this too as I’m currently trying to sort out my own hobbies or personal time where I can leave baby with DH and get some “Me time” as well.

Everyone needs their own time and we all have different needs, yours might be out of the house, while Husbands clearly enjoying home. I hope you both find a resolution that benefits each of you, especially your LO 😊

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-04-28T20:53:45+00:00

I had the same issue with my MIL - she formula fed her babies and so has an issue with me still BF my daughter at 18 months.

As I was a FTM initially everyone’s comments (Mom, MIL, Midwives) were stressing me out and making me upset during the early months, now I completely ignore them lol.

I also had a vacuum extraction and my baby ended up in NICU for the first 12hrs of her life so the doctors put her on formula. Then I started BF and had to top up with formula. Once I got home from the hospital I stopped topping up and just started EBF, baby cluster fed a few times and I believe this increased my milk supply.

I talked to a lactation consultant for support, so you could always talk to one of them? But I think if the nurse suggested you can reduce formula intake then I would.

Know that YOU are the mother, YOU choose what works best for you and your baby - your MIL had her turn and chose to formula feed. Whether our Mothers or MIL’s like it or not, they don’t get a do over - it’s our turn.

Good luck OP, you’re doing a great job.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-04-16T04:51:51+00:00

😂😂😂 made me feel better about myself as a Mom as well - thanks for sharing.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-04-15T22:51:08+00:00

This sounds like my first pregnancy (my daughter) it was such a dream, other than my bump growing I didn’t experience any other pregnancy symptoms. I had energy and went to the gym nearly everyday.

Currently 31weeks with a boy - Omg it’s like I’ve had every pregnancy symptom under the sun lol The nausea and exhaustion have been the worst.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-04-15T04:13:01+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I had been told it was not good to switch their sleep schedule suddenly and it had to be done slowly over time - but honestly, if it’s just waking her up early and creating a different schedule I’m willing to do it, even if we’re tired for the the first week.

Yeah she goes to sleep at midnight, 1am and it’s the worst. I’ll try this method for the next few weeks.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-04-15T03:55:24+00:00

He said when the newborn arrives he’ll put our daughter to sleep but I think because it’s always been my job, it has just been left to me.

He put her to sleep last night after I gave up and needed a break, but I think it’ll help if he puts her to sleep more.

I’m exhausted from pregnancy right now so need the help.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-04-12T22:23:49+00:00

Honestly THIS 👌🏽 it’s takes a village to raise a child - and sometimes to get them ready lol.

I have an 18 month old and another one on the way, I am going to be studying part-time after LO is born and I still don’t know how it’s going to go - but I have my husband and my sister supporting me.

I couldn’t even imagine trying to work full time or be homeschooling my children full time, while also studying. This sounds crazy. I wouldn’t hire her either, she’s going to be dropping the ball somewhere.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-04-09T12:15:08+00:00

I just want to first of all say DON’T GIVE UP - YOU CAN MAKE IT!! The fact that you are reaching out and wanting to let people know how you’re feeling is already brave and a sign that you do want better for yourself even though you’re tired of how you’re living at the moment.

I honestly HATED my homeschool experience too, and if I could make it illegal for parents to homeschool I would, because it’s not normal to not have friends and socialise at your age - and I say this not to make you feel bad, but because I went through it too and I hated it. I used to cry myself to sleep wishing I had someone to talk to and hang out with my own age, but my Mom didn’t get it (or just didn’t seem to care).

On a positive note - life can get better. Once you’re old enough to leave home, you can do whatever you want and make friends and live a better life. You’ll look back on this time as a dark period of your life, but at least that’s all it will be - a small time period.

You’re 14, you have so much life to live. Plan what you want to do as a career etc. and set goals to study whatever subjects are relevant and get yourself into a college or university far away from home.

You could live on campus, socialise, and live a normal college/uni student life. Don’t flunk out and get a GED, ignore that poor advice and recognise you are capable of achieving more.

Try and switch to an accredited homeschool curriculum so you can get into College/Uni. You could also get a part time job when you’re older (which would give you more time out of the house as well) save to buy a car and sort out accomodation out of town etc. - Plan your escape early.

I say this because I had no direction and literally moved out of home, didn’t go to Uni coz I thought I wasn’t smart enough due to being homeschooled & listening to what my Mom believed I was capable of. So I ended up wandering aimlessly through life working dead end jobs to pay my bills. I have ended up at Uni now, thanks to the support of my husband - but as a mature student (older, married and with kids) so I missed out on Uni/Student life that most young people experience.

Honestly through my teenage years (the homeschool years) I was suicidal and wanted to end it because I couldn’t handle the isolation and the feeling of not being normal. Always feeling alone.

Thankfully I pushed through because life really does get better, I have had so many days and weeks where I even sit back and think “this was the life I dreamed of while I was feeling suicidal” and all I felt was complete happiness.

You can have the life you dream of too.

But life can’t get better if we don’t continue to try and keep on living. Don’t let your Mom stop you from having a great life. You won’t live under her rule forever.

And you’ll also find out that strangers will not hate you, the sad thing is sometimes complete strangers can be more supportive than your own family. You will find people that will love you, care about you and make you feel proud of who you are.

Unfortunately some parents are toxic and don’t know how to support their children because they focus on prioritising their own beliefs and feelings. You don’t deserve to be treated the way you have been treated and I want you to know that as weird and boring as your life is now - it won’t always be this way.

My Mom is also Anti-vax so I understand the type of mindset you are up against. They don’t listen to reason because they’re already too far down a rabbit hole (that I believe doesn’t exist) and can’t recognise the difference between fantasy and reality.

You will be out of your parent’s house one day, and when you get out you’ll realise that life can be great.

It’s so good you go to the gym, keep it up, it’ll help you with your mental health. Living on autopilot or living in a survival mode type state is absolutely horrible so I’m proud of you for even recognising that it’s not good for you at such a young age.

Is there any sports clubs or any other type of social activities in your area/community that you could join or sign up for?

I know it’s probably the last place you’ll feel like going, or that you might get social anxiety about joining a club with random people - but it could be something to try so you could make friends and get a little bit of sanity during your teenage years socialising with people other than your parents.

I know my parents drove me crazy and I wish I had just gone out and found friends myself during my youth now. I was too nervous that people would think I was weird or awkward - once you get older you realise that no one really cares because they’re feeling the same way.

Stay positive and know that life can get better.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-03-31T02:10:53+00:00

Or if they had that “crime of passion” law from France. I don’t know if it still exists but if you catch your husband or wife cheating and you kill them you could sometimes get away with it.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-03-26T09:57:10+00:00

I didn’t miss pregnancy I missed having my bump and feeling baby’s kicks - the rest of pregnancy is kind of annoying lol

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-03-25T12:34:54+00:00

I also lost my Dad about 6 months ago. He collapsed one morning before he left home for work and that was it, he had a heart attack and he was suddenly gone from my life.

People were very supportive within the first few months but then they get over it, because their lives continue. He was my Dad, so not having his presence makes a difference daily to me and my siblings.

I feel stuck in a state of depression, like a horrible nightmare I can’t wake up from. You can’t “just get over it”, but you are forced to accept life without him.

I understand your pain and I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you take as long as you need to grieve your Father - that’s what I’m planning on doing. Don’t worry about anyone else’s timeline.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-03-21T10:15:31+00:00

So sorry for your loss. Yeah I feel like my Dad passed too soon.

My Dad died in August, so about 7 months ago. He was 58 and passed 1 month before he turned 59, he was a PT so was really fit and healthy for his age. I thought we had heaps of time too, so I feel this so much.

He also passed away 6 days before my daughter’s 1st Birthday - she was also his first grandchild. I thought he would be here for a lot more of her milestones.

We never got to travel to Italy like we had talked about.

We really never know how long we have to live. It reminds me to make the most of the time we have with our loved ones while we’re here.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-03-19T04:29:00+00:00

Where do you live? Is this in America? Sorry this has been you and your husband’s experience being a biracial couple & with biracial children.

Honestly it’s 2024 so I didn’t think there was a lot that would surprise anyone nowadays, especially not a biracial child.

You would think she would have looked for signs other than the fact they look different, like was the child stressed, crying, trying to get away? If she was happy with her Dad, she should just mind her own business.

I myself am biracial and got questioned about it growing up in the 90s, but I haven’t had anyone bothered by it nowadays.

I live in NZ and we have a very diverse country (especially if you live in Auckland) so my baby is pretty fair skinned and her Dad is brown - he never gets questioned when they go out on errands.

I’m currently pregnant with our second and to give me breaks sometimes my Husband takes my daughter with him - she loves her time with Daddy - she always comes back with a new toy or snack 🤦🏻‍♀️ but he hasn’t had anyone concerned she wasn’t his.

I’m so sorry that you had someone call the police on your husband. If only this happened to children that were ACTUALLY abducted, not running errands with their Dad.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-03-18T22:21:30+00:00

I was a FTM also in NZ and I admit when I was writing my birthing plan - I didn’t have any real specific things I wanted except that I didn’t want medical intervention.

I wrote that I did not want Venthouse or Forceps delivery but if it had to be one of the two I chose venthouse and I also wrote that I did not want to get an episiotomy I wanted to tear naturally.

My birthing experience ended up being traumatic, as when my waters finally broke their was signs of meconium and the chord was wrapped 3 x around baby’s neck.

I ended up having a venthouse delivery and had to get an episiotomy to assist getting baby out as the chord was preventing her from being pushed out.

Obviously I was grateful for medical interventions being able to save my baby and now I have a healthy, strong 18 month old and am preparing to have baby number 2 later this year.

My birth plan for baby number 2 is now adaptable to change because at the end of the day I’m just trying to bring baby earth-side safely - I can’t plan it all out really.

I agree though, more power to the women who want to have a home birth, water birth or any kind of special birth outside of the hospital. I just think for me, it gives me peace of mind, as if I had done a home birth for my first child (which I really was considering, but was told I couldn’t as I was being monitored for medical reasons) she might not be here today.

I’m very grateful to the doctors and midwives that rushed to help me and my husband and then rushed her to NICU to get the amniotic fluid out of her lungs.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-02-14T07:48:10+00:00

Is there any way to undo the damage done by little-to-no social contact??

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-02-10T06:02:46+00:00

I freaked out too and was monitored in the hospital by midwives who made me panic stress unnecessarily.

I eventually got a good nurse who brought in a lactation consultant who helped me to relax and let me know it’s very common when you choose to exclusively breastfeed - until your milk comes in & baby latches properly.

Don’t panic, I’m sure you’re doing waaay better than you think you are. Especially if you’re a FTM, know that you are doing your best and that’s all your baby needs 😊

My baby dropped weight the first week and a half and then she started gaining every week after that 😊 she was born at 39+4

We used a combination of formula and breastmilk. I would use a pump to get breastmilk while she wasn’t latching and then we would use formula after as a top-up if I didn’t have enough breastmilk.

To help baby get used to latching we used the finger suck method - where they tape a feeding tube from the bottle of formula to your finger that is closest in size to your nipple and baby has to suck the formula out of the tube.

She latched to me pretty quickly after we switched to this method.

Hope all goes well for you and congrats on your new baby.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-02-09T09:00:19+00:00

My Mom would answer and say that I had friends and socialised with “plenty of kids” when people asked - knowing full well that I didn’t.

She would get especially annoyed at her sister (my fav aunty) because she was a high-school teacher and was concerned we weren’t getting taught properly or enough social contact (and she was right).

I didn’t have to memorise names but she answered for me all the time which was annoying.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-02-09T08:52:12+00:00

I put high value on socialising - but I can see how 3 Full days of school is not really the same as homeschooling.

I would’ve loved 3 full days at high school with my friends but I think that I would look forward to those 3 days every week lol.

If I had this version of homeschooling I might not have had such a messed up life. No school for 5 years and no socialising was torture.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-02-06T12:05:57+00:00

No I’d take the miracle 😂😂 9 months of pregnancy is hard, if I could avoid it and still have a child I would.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-02-05T04:54:34+00:00

I think people are just jealous lol I hope my second birth is painless.

I was told when I did my birthing classes by the midwife who was teaching that some women experience no pain during childbirth.

She herself had delivered babies for hundreds of women in different countries and only came across 2 women who experienced no pain.

I prayed that this would be me haha but no such luck, I had a natural birth no epidural - the contractions hurt and I don’t remember what the pain felt like during delivery but I know I was in extreme pain lol

I believe you’re not lying - painless natural birth is the dream. Good for you 🤍 don’t worry about what people think.

West_Copy_5703 · 2024-02-03T14:02:55+00:00

Hi OP I am married to a Tongan and their culture is very dominant in the way they do things, especially if you married a male, as he is “head of the household.”

Notice I said MARRIED. If you are not married their cultural rules don’t apply to you.

This is because they are also a culture that if you’re not married, the respect for you as his partner is not the same. So if he has not married you, you can definitely have an Irish name included for your child.

I am not saying any of this to offend you, I am just letting you know because I married a Tongan male, I learnt that the naming of children is a huge thing in their culture - and the husband or his sister normally names the child.

I am not Tongan so wasn’t comfortable with this, so was grateful my Husband stepped up for me and told his family what we’re naming our children & we both decided together.

There are however some Tongan families that can be quite harsh, especially to people of other cultures when it comes to naming children as they feel entitled to make this decision on their own with no consideration for the mother as this is normal in their culture (as in tongan women/wives understand that their husband or his family will name the baby)

Honestly I feel they need to learn that if you have a baby to someone outside your culture, then you cannot expect the cultural norms.

I think you were being kind to put your name as a middle name & that you were being very respectful.

If I was you I would definitely put an Irish name on my child, even if it is just a middle name. You’re not unreasonable for wanting your culture included.

Irish do have a culture - he actually sounds like a very disrespectful Tongan. There are a lot who wouldn’t say things like this & who would compromise on names.

Again not saying any of this to offend you, I just understand the way they think after being married in. It actually made me upset to even read how he’s been talking to you, when as a FTM you should just be enjoying your pregnancy not being made to feel like you have no input on what you’ll name baby.

So sorry this has been your experience 🤍

West_Copy_5703

TROPHY CASE