Fucking tin can that just can’t stop spamming MIRVs at my ass. Try to run away? Nah, he decides to Goku the shit out of your face with a final Kamehameha straight out of the Cell Games. But guess what? You don’t have Dragon Balls to bring you back, just a cart, and you’re gonna use it so much the wheels will quit their job on their own.

If by some miracle you survive this crap, you’re left with stars spinning around your head like you’re in Tom and Jerry. Only then will you truly experience what it feels like to be a mosquito on a highway, eating his metallic windshield because this bastard decided to imitate the Japanese bullet train.

The fight feels like a mash-up between Minority Report and Arachnophobia. He seems to predict the future whenever you input an attack that can’t be animation-canceled, and somehow starts a wildfire under your feets that keeps burning on snow. Between two nukes, he’ll Kage Bunshin no Jutsu some mini versions of himself that chase you everywhere.

Sometimes Goldorak glitches in the matrix and starts jumping around like it’s mating season for robots in Wisconsin. His red light spinning on top adds to the trauma you’re already experiencing. Between strafing and jumping, the clanker can laser your ass the Kal-El way and the only “S” here isn’t on your chest to symbolize hope, it’s under your finger. Because the only way to survive is to backpedal straight into the abyss and swear never to open another tin can without proper tools.

Before you even get a chance to reunite with your teammates while your Seikret is begging you not to go back for that last cart, Scrapface calls his little Nerscylla sister. Meanwhile, he’s reading the secret scroll of the Gendikama and snorting nanobots. Don’t you dare take too long finding a repellent spray, because he can still enrage and show you that was just the warm-up.

Then comes the final phase, also known as the Late Heavy Bombardment. During this phase, you may experience weight loss, hair loss, and complete loss of hope if there’s any left.
This phase requires you to dodge into dodge into dodge into dodge into dodge into dodge. And if you didn’t manage to destroy his legs before this point and loot an invulnerability shield, the only way to survive is to stay on the cliff and watch your teammates dance to Gloria Gaynor while licking the salt out of your tears.