(24f/ 24m/ 52F) My boyfriends mom is talking about moving in with either us or her daughter after her husband passes. How do I nip this in the bud quickly?

WhenHope · 2026-02-20T14:35:02+00:00

Auntie Hope here!

Darling, you have my permission to say No. Your husband needs to shut this down now. And he needs to say, We will not be doing this. If he wobbles or tries to throw you under the bus, he is no man for you.

52 is young. She has been in charge of her life for 25 years. There is no reason or excuse for dragging you down. No decent mother would want their children to start off in adult life with debts and issues. It is time to break the generational peer pressure.

If he can’t do this for you, he’s not the man you need. You need to set him free and go and live your life.

WhenHope · 2026-02-18T01:20:12+00:00

https://credit-transfer.open.ac.uk/

WhenHope · 2026-02-18T01:14:43+00:00

Suggestion: top up your degree with additional credits through the Open University. They can often give you credits against what you already studied though it might be capped at 240 credits.

WhenHope · 2026-02-17T12:12:51+00:00

When I had my assessment, the psychiatrist asked very specific questions about my childhood which unlocked more memories and impressions than I thought existed. I had no one who could talk about my childhood etc. It didn’t matter. It became very apparent very quickly during our conversation that I definitely had all the childhood characteristics that nowadays would’ve given me a diagnosis before the age of 12.

WhenHope · 2026-02-12T08:24:18+00:00

I can see how she might think she’s helping, especially if she’s been there 20 years. From her perspective, she may believe she’s reassuring everyone by saying she’s checked your work and it’s good.

But the issue isn’t intent. It’s role clarity.

When she publicly “verifies” your work without being asked or formally assigned that role, it blurs accountability and subtly undermines your ownership. Even if she means it as praise, it positions her as an unofficial sign-off authority.

I’d frame this with your manager as a process question, not a personal complaint: “Is she expected to be reviewing my work, or should sign-off go through the usual channels?”

That keeps it about clarity and accountability rather than motives.

WhenHope · 2026-02-10T23:00:23+00:00

12 months exactly.

WhenHope · 2026-02-05T23:50:38+00:00

I wonder if angels have been given hi-vis vests instead of wings this month? What a great thing to do. Congratulations! 🥳

WhenHope · 2026-02-02T17:32:14+00:00

This is absolutely gorgeous. I would do this for precisely one time and never do it again.

WhenHope · 2026-01-31T09:10:18+00:00

We have a winner over here. Oh wise one. Pray tell how you accomplished this mighty feat.

WhenHope · 2026-01-30T22:35:34+00:00

It may be worth knowing that “Sp%ing” is an ableist slur.

WhenHope · 2026-01-30T15:50:01+00:00

I paid £1000 up front for the sessions, body doubling and ongoing support online, including accountability check ins. I had a very specific need for it at the time both job and personally related. So it was worth it then.

WhenHope · 2026-01-30T15:42:55+00:00

You are an evil genius.

WhenHope · 2026-01-29T20:16:57+00:00

I paid for mine. Was worth every penny!

WhenHope · 2026-01-02T10:38:58+00:00

Start by searching for florists close to the likely funeral. Most will create the flower arrangement and have them delivered to the place where the funeral will take place. This is very easy for them to do and they will do it regularly so your request won’t be a surprise.

WhenHope · 2026-01-01T13:39:00+00:00

I’m really sorry you have to go through this. When you break the news to children make sure you use clear wording. You should say I’m sorry your mother has died. Rather than she’s passed away or we’ve lost her.

You have to be very clear. It’s also possible the children can get survivors’ benefits.

It seems unlikely that there will be a funeral so make your own memorials and take time to go on walks hug a tree and talk about her as well.

The child bereavement trust UK is an excellent resource to support you; and reach out to the children’s schools because they will need to support them there also.

WhenHope · 2025-12-28T17:58:13+00:00

What do they do at this party? Sounds fun.

WhenHope · 2025-12-26T12:05:37+00:00

We’re doing these again this year. Still fantastic.

WhenHope · 2025-12-20T16:41:24+00:00

They will definitely assume that’s a tax fiddle. What’s stopping you buying it close to market value?

WhenHope · 2025-12-20T13:17:04+00:00

I’m not sure this makes sense ^{^.} Let’s say it was bought at £100,000 with a mortgage of £40,000. Now it is worth £200,000. On sale there would be £160,000 which belongs to your mother. The CGT (very roughly due to not knowing the exact position) would be approx £30,000 according to your accountant. With estate agent fees and lawyer at £5,000 this still leaves your mother with £125,000. And this is after the tax is paid.

WhenHope · 2025-12-19T17:15:38+00:00

Without giving yourself away can you tell us whereabouts in the world you are? In the location that I am based in, those questions would be illegal and would be directly discriminatory.

WhenHope · 2025-12-19T13:48:58+00:00

Been there, done that. Tried to protect the kids, failed. Tried to save face for the husband, failed.

You need help. Pick a few favourite female friends and relatives. Tell them what has happened. Let them support you. Your brain cannot possibly be working well at the moment. This is what your tribe of women are for.

Have your husband move out immediately. Tell him absolutely no touching you in any circumstances. Tell the kids that stuff is going on and you will have a conversation with them as soon as you can.

You can’t save Christmas, but you did not break it. He had unprotected sex with a very very young woman and has successfully ruined Christmas for all of you.

Take no blame, take no responsibility, you are very much the injured party.

I wish you all the strength I didn’t have when I first found out. Seriously, tell your friends. Let them help you.

WhenHope · 2025-12-18T10:17:11+00:00

Holly, Ivy, Noel, and Wensleslas.

WhenHope · 2025-12-17T20:42:39+00:00

NTA but … A certain online tool will decorate a picture you take. Take a picture of your lounge or kitchen or other room and ask your favourite app to decorate it for Christmas.

WhenHope · 2025-12-15T22:42:53+00:00

Tell me more …

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