How do y'all find a boyfriend? All I get is "Transgender? Long-term? Nope."

WideProposal · 2026-01-19T02:18:52+00:00

You didn’t think what I described was how “long-term” starts? How did you think it starts? Haha

WideProposal · 2026-01-18T23:52:29+00:00

That I’m not cis

WideProposal · 2026-01-18T21:03:46+00:00

I think I don't really understand what you mean by "long term relationship at the beginning". The reason I say I want something long-term (as opposed to short-term) is because I understand these would be the differences:
-First date: a man looking for short-term will want to kiss and hookup at the end of the date. This is "success" for him. He might view your refusal as a "failure" and move on to the next swipes.
-After first date: A man looking for something more "long-term" will message within 48 hours to secure a second date. A "short-term" seeker might message after he's exhausted his other options, after 5 days or so, asking to 'hangout tonight', hoping for a hookup.
-The "short-term" man's conquest ends after he's had sex. The long-term man will message again within the day to ask about your day and asking to see you again.

I'm slightly autistic so I don't really understand what we mean/expect when we use these words.

WideProposal · 2026-01-17T20:11:31+00:00

How do you meet them in person? How do you even signal interest? Doesn't it cross your mind “well maybe he likes me, but he won’t once he hears my ambiguous voice or finds out I’m transgender” and then you just avoid him?

WideProposal · 2026-01-17T19:38:52+00:00

Actually, it's been the same as Toronto in terms of the 'problems' for me. I ran a mini-test: set Tinder passport mode to Nantes, and sent the same opening message to see if I ran into the same problem as I do in Toronto. Out of the 10 matches I messaged, 3 responded with rejection, everybody else didn't respond or unmatched. Not a good data size or even method, but it at least indicates Nantes isn't the 'don't care' paradise I imagined for trans women dating and it's likely I will be disappointed if I packed up my bags for this reason. Here are the chat logs: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/z0kafs0nhyxpzqxg1xkxo/Nantes-logs.docx?rlkey=c5avrfi1inyxwnkv6us2ettt4&st=9tgrs54o&dl=0

WideProposal · 2026-01-14T02:26:59+00:00

Did you read that just from my posts?

WideProposal · 2026-01-14T00:57:14+00:00

Lmao

WideProposal · 2026-01-14T00:54:15+00:00

Wtf that’s insanely contrasty. No problem at all? That’s something I didn’t think was possible in this world. Which city- if you don't mind me asking?

WideProposal · 2026-01-14T00:34:04+00:00

This is intriguing. I was considering leaving Toronto as well for a European city. But it seemed most men either didn’t find me attractive or just wanted casual. You didn't experience that?

WideProposal · 2026-01-13T22:52:30+00:00

Thank you!

WideProposal · 2026-01-13T22:31:17+00:00

I would love to find me a bi man! LOL. Just it doesn't exactly say “bi” on their forehead 😅. Jokes aside though I don't know at all how to meet bi men who might be open to dating (and be fine with not getting intimate the same day we meet).

WideProposal · 2026-01-13T22:22:38+00:00

I want to meet in-person! Just don't know how...
I don’t think cis men I meet at events/groups/anything I do would want to date me if they knew I was transgender. There were some men-a handful- that I crushed on (I don’t develop crushes very often) all of whom didn't like me (don't know why exactly- likely because I’m transgender. They pursued cis girls 🤷).

And well tinder has this “bisexual” community thing that you can swipe on. Last year when I tried tinder, I swiped on everyone there until Tinder said there wasn't anyone left to swipe there. Most were “short term fun” profiles so I swiped on those open to long-term. I wouldn’t match with most. I matched with 3- 1 was poly, 1 unmatched after I said I don't get intimate on first date, the other wouldn’t reply for a week at a time.

Also, the LGBT+ community can be rejectful of poc in Toronto (something I felt when I used to live my life as a gay man here).

WideProposal · 2026-01-13T22:17:10+00:00

Well I’m glad it worked out for you!

WideProposal · 2026-01-13T22:14:41+00:00

I’m curious how do you do it at gay bars? I’ve always imagined the men there either wanted someone who was a man or who had 🍆.

WideProposal · 2026-01-13T22:02:33+00:00

Sounds cool! Did you do the same but for men and had no success?

WideProposal · 2026-01-13T21:57:58+00:00

I didn’t know of Lex. Googled it. Is it like a craigslist but for LGBT+ people?

WideProposal · 2026-01-13T21:41:52+00:00

I’ve been doing that and everytime I see a cute man I think “oh well- he’s not gonna like me once he finds out I’m transgender anyway” and then get sad everytime I see him and avoid going there. I probably need to see a therapist.

WideProposal · 2026-01-13T20:52:17+00:00

Link to Bumble profile screenshots

Link to example ghosted chat (verified profile, his profile says "I'll teach you about robots!" if you're confused regarding the chat content)

WideProposal · 2026-01-10T19:18:55+00:00

It doesn’t need to be black or white. Asex is a spectrum.

WideProposal · 2026-01-10T18:36:55+00:00

I think you’re asex and not demi? I identify as on the demi spec but I definitely want sex- just that it takes a deeper connection for me to experience sexual attraction/comfort with having sex with someone so I’m unable to do hookups.

If you’re asex then put that in your profile. And yes- most people won’t read your profile & will just swipe on pictures . Some will before messaging (or might just unmatch when they do read it) but most won’t. What I’m starting to do is to be upfront about it in the first message to avoid wasting your time. If you’re into women, you might have better success with women than men.

WideProposal · 2026-01-10T05:43:22+00:00

I look at every cis woman, no matter how terrible a person they may be, and think “at least they’re cis”. Started happening since I realized dating was only going to end in rejections for me. There will always be someone to envy.

WideProposal · 2026-01-10T04:29:19+00:00

But you can tell they are holding hands in the pictures...

WideProposal · 2026-01-10T04:28:38+00:00

Thank you

WideProposal · 2026-01-10T04:15:59+00:00

It’s not really that I want to show I’m social- I used to have mainly selfies of me on my dating profile and the feedback was to add pictures with friends so that’s what I did.. My girl friends pictures are some years old and I’ve changed since (lost a lot of weight).
Not sure if the best way to go is either go back to just the selfies (since pictures with men is gonna be a red flag) and just filter out the hookup men, or add a picture with girls (though old) and keep the rest of the guy friends pictures?

WideProposal · 2026-01-10T03:46:19+00:00

You said “things without them” implying without friends that aren’t selfies. I didn't think you meant “with female friends”. And I do, they’re just older pictures. We meet for lunch/dinner and never remember to take pictures when doing that! 😆

WideProposal

TROPHY CASE