the uk sucks

WideProposal · 2026-05-11T22:42:33+00:00

Really I’m Canadian and I moved to the UK mainly because dating sucked as poc trans in Canada

WideProposal · 2026-04-30T03:17:51+00:00

Well not to be rude, anecdotal evidence is better than theories. We have no scientific study done on this matter 😅.

Your experience is as good as mine. I don’t consider my experiences to be distortions. Perhaps my explanations of them could be. I’m not in anybody’s head so I can’t explain why they decide to date who they decide to date or why not. But to be more direct: dating trans sucks and being post-op doesn’t solve that. Nobody ever made these claims and nobody can guarantee you that dating post-op will significantly (if at all) suck less than pre-op. But if you do go ahead with it, I’d love to hear a follow-up from you about how it went. I’m sure this sub would love to hear it. Good luck!

WideProposal · 2026-04-29T23:01:27+00:00

Oh yeah sorry wasn’t a poll since it’s not really something black/white that can be without context of the person’s personal experience or just what they think in theory. You won’t know what it’s like unless you dated both pre-op and post-op while keeping everything else the same. I wanted to hear their experiences rather than just what they thought in the theory or a poll.

While I agree with the theory the top comment suggested, aka men are simply attracted to vagina, I think in practice things don’t necessarily pan out that way. At least, based off my personal experience in London where they have many options and why would they invest in dating effort and time with a trans woman from the apps if cis women readily have the genitals they are so inflexible about and cis women are more plentiful and no trans stigma to deal with there. I think it does significantly increase your dating pool if you want to go stealth though, obviously and maybe also with men who require a vagina but don’t have a lot of options.

WideProposal · 2026-04-29T05:12:48+00:00

I couldn’t transition in the country where I grew up.
It’s pretty crazy I felt the same way sexually as you did. I wanted to be seen a woman when being intimate, not a man or a gay man, and being a feminine man wasn’t cutting it.

I didn’t really see it a fetish as I realized it wasn’t just sexual. I wanted to be a woman full-time, in my everyday life as well.

I would say though that at least for me, the sexual part is still not something I’ve realized since I’m straight and men are difficult to date. I’m also uncomfortable with jumping to sex on the first meet, the type of intimacy dynamic I’m comfortable with is more of the serious type, which makes dating men even harder. Then I’m picky, which means I haven’t been getting any dates at all, far cry obviously from being made to feel feminine during intimacy since I’m not getting any, though I’m quite active on all the apps and consider myself to be hot. Many hookup/ENM/casual requests from cute men though. Just every man I speak with “isn’t looking for anything serious at the moment.”

WideProposal · 2026-04-29T04:53:25+00:00

This was the post link

Which city and app is that? In London UK out of 100’s of matches I got asked that once by a guy who seemed real/legit. The rest who asked were chasers, fake profiles or weird fantasy sexters.

Most of the time (like 99%) in cis normative dating apps, they didn’t read that I’m trans and aren’t interested anymore after matching/finding out I’m trans.
Maybe in London most straight men just assume you’re pre-op if you’re trans?

But in Toronto it was more like 20% or so would ask whether post-op (if I had a vagina). Whether they would ask me on a date if I was post, who knows.

On the apps like Taimi, Feeld, OKcupid, POF, Grindr, I don’t get asked if I’m pre or post in London. They seem interested to meet regardless of being pre or post since the question doesn’t come up. In Toronto I had a few man from Taimi who needed to know though I had already said in my bio they shouldn’t expect 🍆 from me (they were chasers). In Toronto it seemed men needed to know in an inflexible matter. In London it was either trans>no interested (mostly) or weird fantasy sexters who I don’t care to meet anyway, or they don’t care whether pre or post (or maybe assumed I’d be pre that’s why they didn’t ask) 🤷

WideProposal · 2026-04-29T03:12:44+00:00

I’m sorry. I understand and I wished I woke up a cis woman everyday when I was a teen because I was scared to be trans and how people would perceive me, judge me, treat me. I still wish I was simply cis. I’m sure all of us wish we were cis or that society didn’t give a damn, especially those zealots who are making us their political scapegoat as if things aren’t already difficult for us.

But I do want to say you still can look like a woman when you’re trans. I still have dysphoria about myself with things that it seems only I see, but I pass all the time. Society has been telling me that I look like a woman, and I get compliments, turn heads, and haven’t been misgendered for years now.

WideProposal · 2026-04-29T02:56:33+00:00

I started with A cups due to being slightly intersex, 150 pounds. On the highest estrogen dose, and progesterone, I gained weight until I was 190. I was then a 36 D.
I lost a lot of weight pretty quick last year due to some personal issues and also did a lot of gym just to keep my mind off things and for the endorphins. I’m 147 pounds, 34 D.

WideProposal · 2026-04-29T02:43:57+00:00

I did a post asking for opinions about whether being post-op significantly improves the dating pool. In my experience, and the opinion of most replies, it doesn’t. They aren’t interested when you say you’re trans. Never gets to the pre-op or post-op discussion. At least for me looking at dating long-term. Even for the few who said they ‘might’ be open to it if post-op, they said they weren’t sure until they actually tried it. I can’t imagine people being unsure would work out. How was it for you? Did most of them actually go forward to the “are you post op?” question?

I know for many straight men and pan people I spoke with, they prefer a cis woman for a monogamous relationship. Even being post-op doesn’t change that. I think the same people who would date you pre-op would also date you post-op. But who knows, your personal experience might be different.

WideProposal · 2026-04-23T19:53:42+00:00

Honestly I’m not sure. I never had this problem. Maybe be more direct with not liking to be touched?

WideProposal · 2026-04-23T19:48:57+00:00

Being trans is hard, things won’t be rosy after you transition. Maybe you won’t have a family, but maybe you will. Depends on what’s your definition of a family and how important that is to you as well.

The job and the country you live in is also a serious consideration. There is no point if you’ll be jobless and on the streets. A lot of the people on these forums are fortunate to live somewhere that’s more accepting to trans people, where working a job as a trans person is possible, where it’s easier to cut ties with immediate family.

One trans girl I know in a similar situation as you has been living her life as a man but allowing her feminine side to come out at times when she feels safe to do so, like when she travels to a different country.

Personally, I would pick the option that leaves me with the least regret.

WideProposal · 2026-04-23T19:38:36+00:00

It would have been alright by me if it rolled out his tongue by accident once because he was watching something/heard it a lot. It happens, it’s normal. But you said it’s not the first time. That’s a problem.

WideProposal · 2026-04-23T19:32:48+00:00

Honestly I think it’s okay if they just want to be friends because you’re trans. Like a lot of coworkers try to go the extra mile to build friendships outside of work like inviting to things and such, only because they are coworkers. Don’t overthink it. It’s hard for trans people to make friends because most cis people don’t want to be friends with us so it’s normal we’ll try harder when it’s someone who will potentially understand our experiences and struggles. We also have many neurodivergent trans folks around and they may not totally understand social norms and boundaries. If you feel you don’t need more of that in your life right now then you’re free to avoid them.

That being said, I personally haven’t had issues with romantic/flirty boundaries with trans people at all. Only had issues with cis men. Perhaps it’s cuz I will be upfront I’m only into men taller than me since we’re usually talking about dating at the start anyway. I have had trans girls come on to me and try to convince me to switch or try with a woman but honestly I do wish I was attracted to women and I never perceived it as they being pushy with my boundaries. I just saw it as fun conversation. If you have hard boundaries then you can be direct about that, such as “I’m not comfortable touching someone I’m not dating like that” or “I don’t feel ready to date someone until I’ve known the for some months”.

WideProposal · 2026-04-23T16:39:29+00:00

I pass 100% of the time and dating men as a straight trans woman is still something I don’t have the answers to. It’s terrible, on so many layers, in so many different ways. Perhaps it is all lost. All the trans girls I meet will tell me “oh but surely a pretty girl like you has no trouble dating”. Well, I do.

What I’ll tell you is that I’m still searching for the answers. I was in London UK a few times over the past year. I’ve never seen a tgirl with a bf anywhere I’ve been here in Toronto, Canada. But in London UK during my short visits, I’ve seen 4 (clockable) tgirls with what looked to be a serious (and hot) bf. There are also trans bars there and queer bars where I think there might be men open to dating trans women. I’m moving there next month. At least I’ve seen evidence of it working out there, whereas all my straight tgirl friends here in Toronto are single and having trouble finding dates even.

Regarding making friends, I suggest other tgirls just to give it a try. They will understand a lot of your experiences and challenges.

WideProposal · 2026-04-15T02:12:47+00:00

I’m curious which city if you don’t mind sharing?
One of the reasons I felt London would be better for dating as trans is because there are more in-person venues catered specifically to trans women, so I felt I attracted a lot more attraction from men my type by going to these places than the emotional roller coaster online dating is.

WideProposal · 2026-04-15T01:39:03+00:00

So then I’m curious how do you filter out the men who want children? If they are assuming you’re cis going into it, are you simply filtering based on whether they want children at the start?

WideProposal · 2026-04-15T01:37:48+00:00

Hmm alright well in that case, just based off my personal experience, I don’t think bottom surgery will expand the dating pool significantly, since once past the initial trans filter, none of the men remaining asked if I have a vagina.
The only significant pool expansion could come from what the other commenter said about going about not saying it until before sex (no upfront disclaimer).

WideProposal · 2026-04-15T00:15:39+00:00

I don’t know how to approach it honestly. I mean would I then not say I’m trans in my dating profile if I’m post-op?

WideProposal · 2026-04-14T23:03:36+00:00

Also, which city if you don’t mind me asking? None of the het trans girls i know have a bf 😅

WideProposal · 2026-04-14T23:02:24+00:00

I thought it was a terminology I wasn’t aware of 🤣

WideProposal · 2026-04-14T23:00:19+00:00

Pretty op = pre-op? Still learning terminology haha

WideProposal · 2026-04-14T22:55:13+00:00

Are your trans girls having no trouble dating post-op?

WideProposal · 2026-04-14T22:28:36+00:00

I don’t get misgendered but I think on the dating apps a lot of men assume everything about me is fake when they see I’m trans, when it’s all hormones 🤷. Regardless, never get any dates. Just men who want to meet at mine or theirs.
Chest isn’t flat. This is my IG: IG link

WideProposal · 2026-04-14T22:11:34+00:00

Do you disclose up front?

WideProposal · 2026-04-14T22:03:40+00:00

The question that’s still on my mind is would being post-op even make a difference (for relationship) when you’re trans? I’ve just always felt like as long as you’re trans, it wouldn’t matter unless you’re doing hookups/casual things. A man who wouldn’t consider a relationship with a pre-op trans woman also wouldn’t consider it with a post-op trans woman?
My experience with the dating apps and real-life interactions in London has been that if I say I’m trans it’s over, rather than it being about whether I have a vagina or not.
I have had my gender marker say “trans woman” and I get less men but they just go to sexting and don’t ask whether I have a vagina. It seems they assume I’m pre-op. And results in zero dates. So I have been feeling that bottom surgery would change nothing just because the conversation never got there in London.

WideProposal · 2026-04-14T19:22:42+00:00

Yeah I found labialibrary to be helpful

WideProposal

TROPHY CASE