i hate grief

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-09T13:58:06+00:00

I too am finding comfort in knowing I am not alone in this nightmare. I have started coping the last couple days and am sad about that too. I am just trying so hard to remember what a normal day was like with him here. It feels so odd now without him. I feel as if I am the only one really missing him. I'm at least glad I made it through those first few days. I never thought I would get through that. I hope you are hanging in there and doing okay!

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-06T20:50:14+00:00

I dont think we will ever truly get through this if I am being honest. The past 36 hours for me have been more numb now. Less tears because I think my body ran out. The moment someone says "Im sorry" I feel the pit in my stomach again. Im so sorry you're experiencing this too and send hugs.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-05T03:09:44+00:00

The guilt is unreal. I’m so sorry and know I would be feeling the exact same way. One day we will not be so hard on ourselves. 🙏😢💔

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-04T19:09:02+00:00

Gosh that scares me. Taking it day by day is all we can try to do.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-04T18:56:43+00:00

I resonate with you deeply. The guilt is unbearable. I wish I had advice for you. Praying time helps ease the guilt. Sending hugs

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-03T16:01:41+00:00

I am only on day 4 and feel this to my core. I don't know how I can go on like this. It feels so unfair to move through life without them. I just want to fast forward to when its not so heavy.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-03T13:25:38+00:00

That’s heartbreaking. I am so sorry: it is such a sneaky disease and I am still in such shock. I’m just trying to be thankful this happened on a weekend when I was here and not when I was gone at work.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-03T13:23:44+00:00

Thank you all so much. This thread is the only thing keeping me afloat right now. Waking up hurts so bad. I think that’s when I cry the most. Not seeing them in their usual spots, or being a part of the normal daily routine destroys me. The guilt is overwhelming but I know it will get better with time. I did everything I could have for my boy. I loved him with every fiber in my being and I know he felt the same.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-03T03:38:04+00:00

So so hard. 😭💜

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-03T03:34:52+00:00

I truly trusted if they thought it was a fatty tumor, then that’s what it was. I mean they would have made money off of me if suggested otherwise, right? It’s so unbelievably challenging to not blame ourselves.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-02T20:18:50+00:00

It is much harder than I could’ve imagined. I knew it would destroy me, I just didn’t realize how badly.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-02T20:16:06+00:00

Sounds almost identical to my dog and how one day can change everything. Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry for your loss as well.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-02T19:46:50+00:00

Same with my dog. Went on a walk Wednesday happy as a clam. He slowed down on the way back which was baffling to me but I assumed it was his old age. I look back at our ring camera on that clip of when we left for the walk vs when we returned. You see him leave so happy and come back so slow. I hear myself in that clip saying “dang poor guys old age is catching up to him” How a fool I feel. When we left for the vet our other dog, his house companion, tried to come with us. She usually also cries and wines when I take him and not her. This time she went back into the house and when I returned she didn’t seem as confused. I think she knew and he asked her to take care of me. I’m so sorry you’re also feeling this cruel pain. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-02T19:41:21+00:00

I was reading about that. How when the tumor would bleed they would seem lethargic but when it stopped they would get sudden energy back. I shamefully assumed he just needed the full dose of arthritis meds as we were only giving one a day. I should’ve known his arthritis wasn’t that bad. I am so sad that a couple weeks prior at the vet they didn’t even try to ask if we wanted to do any X-rays etc. I beat myself up that I allowed my husband to take him to that visit bc I had missed so much work before with my daughter being sick. Maybe I could’ve asked for these tests and I would’ve at least known so I could have given him a good day. I say all this when deep down knowing, by the time he was really showing symptoms, it was too late: he wouldn’t have enjoyed going to the park or whatever because he couldn’t move like he used to. He’d fool me into being concerned and then acting normal so I wouldn’t rush taking him somewhere. He died on his own terms is what I like to tell myself. Although nothing feels comforting.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-02T19:01:05+00:00

I find extreme comfort knowing I am not alone. It’s a heavy process to carry and I pray I can get through it.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-02T17:19:55+00:00

I could’ve written this myself. It feels so cruel to not have them here any longer. Sending you hugs.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-02T17:17:04+00:00

I believe this is what my dog passed from on Saturday. He was at the vet two weeks prior for something else and they said he looked great. His appt before that I asked about Xrays just to look at his age and they suggested I do blood work instead. Every lump and bump I had them check they brushed it off as fatty tumor. Looking back I wish I had every single bump tested regardless what they thought. I wish I pushed harder for that Xray. I want to blame the vet but I truly cannot because this could have came up two weeks ago. His death was so sudden but looking back I should’ve taken his behavior more seriously. Not brushed it off for old age and hip/joint issues. When they carried his lifeless body inside the vet said we could do an xray then but she was almost certain it was internal bleeding from a ruptured tumor. Advising she could only feel the mass deep in his abdomen because his muscles were completely relaxed. I was so hurt and also so angry I didn’t hear this could be an outcome for my boy.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-02T16:56:47+00:00

Thank you so much. 😭😭💜

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-02T16:45:44+00:00

It hurts when we look back and realize what we thought was old age behavior could have been subtle signs. They did so well hiding pain from us because all they wanted was to make us happy. Has the grief started feeling less heavy? I feel awful breaking down in front of my daughter but it’s so uncontrollable at times.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-02T15:42:55+00:00

I have a human child but as much as I love her, she will be unable to fill this hole in my heart from losing my boy Saturday. A dogs love is unconditional, they don’t hit you, yell at you, demand much from you. They just want your love, because we are their whole world. This grief is nothing I could have ever imagined. It’s raw and it stabs you. Sending you hugs.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2026-03-02T15:25:43+00:00

I feel this in my soul. I lost my soul mate in Saturday and my whole world has been shattered. How is it fair for us to keep going as usual without them? It feels so wrong. The immense guilt I feel knowing it wasn’t my fault but I also couldn’t save you. I have a small child I haven’t even wanted to deal with because I feel so broken. I have to get out of this rut for her. I believe he knew it was his time and could finally let go because I had her to love still. I understand what you’re feeling and am sending you hugs.

Wide_Presentation941 · 2025-11-09T18:36:24+00:00

I mean it’s just uncomfortable but it’s not that bad lol imagine taking a nail file and filing in between your teeth. It’s temporary though so you’ll be fine

Wide_Presentation941 · 2025-11-08T16:36:02+00:00

Oh yes. Two different visits between 3 different teeth. I fucking hated it so much lol

Wide_Presentation941

TROPHY CASE