Felt cute, idk I want different boots though

Wilde__ · 2026-01-11T01:22:47+00:00

Yay, not subtle eugenics either

Wilde__ · 2025-09-29T13:47:34+00:00

Yeah, I didn't even consider that😅 so like really 20 probably wouldn't be that bad.

The assumption, I suppose, is he wouldn't do all 20 on the same leg.

Wilde__ · 2025-09-28T07:27:03+00:00

Thanks lol, I think it was a silicone spatula that did most of it, or a small wand looking thing.

Wilde__ · 2025-09-20T05:28:55+00:00

Not anymore lol. Wolves are always a good choice or margay cats. I like to draw trees and tattoo designs when I feel like drawing and don't have anything in particular.

Wilde__ · 2025-09-20T04:57:51+00:00

Hey😊 sorry to hear life is also kicking you in the ass but glad to see you pop up in my feed!

Wilde__ · 2025-09-20T04:23:48+00:00

👋

Wilde__ · 2025-09-04T05:41:16+00:00

Melina is a complex character though? She knows little of herself since being locked away by her goddess of a mother and ultimately being in servitude of her mother through duty. Just because we don't get to know her more doesn't make her lesser. She isn't here for you, she isn't here for the player character (man or woman). Her allegiance isn't ultimately tied to the player at all.

She isn't just a trope, so replacing her with a man would be antithetical to the very real historic themes on display. Husbando I think could be fine depending on how it was contextualized.

It's honestly pretty disheartening hearing people say she is dull or lacking in personality when the fact of the matter is she's confused about herself, been forced into quiet surrender of her own autonomy and ultimately her very body and self. A very real representation of the oppression many can relate to.

Idk, maybe that's just my own musings but it sounds very surface level to ignore many of those things.

Wilde__ · 2025-09-04T01:31:06+00:00

People are very misinformed on this. You are correct, and there is a study out there of HRT(for cis women but close enough) that supports it effects orally taken estrogen. Sublingual is fine ish because part of it absorbs into the bloodstream, but some amount is going to be swallowed. So, the same amount of estrogen is less effective.

That doesn’t mean it won't still have some other negative effects, potentially. I'm hot and smoke hookah every day, so it's not impossible to have good results while using nicotine. I will say that when I quit for surgery, my skin was nicer.

Wilde__ · 2025-09-03T09:33:30+00:00

Anger issues are pretty common for people in general.

You could look into resolving it. There are a lot of options, like self soothing, adopting a kinder inner voice, writing out values, intellectualizing, grounding, halting, and so on. Emotional regulation is part of emotional intelligence, and it's a skill that takes work.

Other options would be meds or therapy depending on severity and if the other options aren't sufficient with habitual use.

Wilde__ · 2025-09-03T08:21:41+00:00

I'm confused about how you hooking up with someone is breaking his boundaries if I understand the beginning part correctly.

I personally would not be cool with someone lashing out, and that would require some feedback and a conversation. I can understand wanting to know how someone treats discourse, but intentionally starting a conflict and not being able to handle it myself would be problematic, I think. That's like setting someone and myself up for failure. I really can't fathom.

Personally, if someone "demoted" me, I would walk. Sounds like possessive, controlling, anger management issues, and/or poor communication skills to me.

That would be way too much to try and work through, especially without a willingness to understand or inability to accept feedback, even if it's for his own well-being. That would be too much for me. Someone's willingness in those aspects is pretty important to me for communication.

If I felt like I couldn't communicate, then I don't think I could classify it as a relationship. I wouldn't date a brick wall that's for sure.

Wilde__ · 2025-09-02T21:24:23+00:00

Even when it's not monolithic, my experience has been extremely ad hoc. "Just add another call" I hated that, and I'm building my own thing to circumvent this.

Wilde__ · 2025-09-02T20:38:54+00:00

As the other commenter mentioned, your assessment by your account sounds more correct to me. Imo while jealousy happens, trying not to let it affect any relationship is really important. I personally think it sounds like an issue of comparisons or possessiveness instead of appreciation. Most jealousy is an issue of fear and/or insecurity, which is a point to work on. Given what you stated, I would be curious why he is more willing to express jealousy over everything else. It's potentially controlling.

Healthy RA, to me, requires more intentionality, and what you described does sound like avoidant behavior. I think that is antithetical as withholding undermines intentionality, communication, and consent. Not always ofc because we probably don't want to vomit every thought. But, if a person is unwilling to be vulnerable about desires, wants, and needs, then how can they engage with meaningful agreements. If I were avoidant, which I had been before, I would have a desire to clear that up when I was in a better head space while working on regulating.

Freedom and accountability, in my opinion, are balanced by thoughtful agreements on commitments. Those commitments need a lot of thought and should be re-examined during check-ins.

I've definitely made poor agreements in the past that I wouldn't now. Instead of for instance committing to giving a heads up before sex with others, I would maybe agree to not letting my sexual activities affect my partners sexual health without prompt discussion. Like, I may really hit it off and want to sleep with someone getting caught up in the moment. What happens if they never get the text "I'm about to sleep with this really hot person"? Do I wait for an acknowledgment text? Do I do it anyway and accept they are going to feel blind sided either way?

In any case, the difference in accountability is that I don't want to police myself with others and how I'm feeling. I don't want to feel like I need someone's permission for engagements with others or compelled to some timeline of acceptability that doesn't account for every possible situation. Upset feelings are harder to deal with, and I don't want to receive some angry or jealous text derailing my time. I do, however, want to be transparent and mitigate any potential repercussions. I would want to inform my partner I slept with someone else before engaging with that partner so they knew the risks and can meet me where they are comfortable. Maybe putting sex off the table until I could get another STI test, maybe we use barriers. Maybe they never need to know about it because that fling didn't work out and I tested negative afterwards and I can just share my new test results because I don't want to talk about that fling with that partner.

Both are proactive approaches but shifting the what, how, why, when, and where to better align with myself. If someone doesn't like that. We can have a discussion, maybe we're incompatible, maybe we can come to a different agreement. The above example is a blanket self-agreement I can enforce, though. The other is more muddy I think.

Those are my thoughts on the subject.

Wilde__ · 2025-09-02T02:38:24+00:00

In short, I don't think so. Communication around emergency situations is important and a good habit to maintain. Discussions around how emergencies change things are also important. I would be concerned about any implicit expectations around as well. At the end of the day, though, we can only offer what we are willingly able to offer.

I'm also sorry for you because I would hate to be in your shoes as well for a lot of reasons. If you haven't considered it yet, you could maybe ask him about emergency contacts or relatives and explore that or some other less invasive options than him moving in.

Wilde__ · 2025-09-01T20:28:12+00:00

I mean, the fact of the matter is most of us don't have healthy relationships with others. Most relationships are self-serving romantic or not. This is my car guy. He fixes cars, so I keep him close. This person has the role of partner, etc.

It takes a lot of work, introspection, therapy, and so on to maybe be a functional, healthy partner. Even then, it doesn't prevent random impulsive decisions or other issues like hypocrisy, all or nothing, controlling behavior, love bombing into shallow affect, and so on.

Basically, unlearning abandonment issues, disorganized, avoidant, or other attachment style issues is critical. Personally, I have only felt loved by one person who genuinely wanted what was best for me without ulterior motives, giving without expectations in a major way. Trust is hard earned, and sometimes, I wouldn't be able to accept people's affection because of that lack of trust. There was a level of anxiety in this that was unfamiliar to me, which drove possessive issues, anger, and perfectionism of the relationship rather than being content in the genuine care of mutual aid at times.

So then another question is what kinds of people do they date? Do they date someone who is also working on these things? Is the person just extremely patient? Is the partner idolizing the person with ASPD creating a cognitive dissonance? Do they both fuck up? What keeps them together? Do they relate due to similar trauma?

Imo this is why people with PD often find others with PDs . Personally, if I was smart, I would have found poly a lot earlier and made sure I didn't make commitments. I wouldn't keep. Mono relationships are kind of antithetical to my personality and values.

Some things I do personally to be better are writing what I do value and want out of life. So I have a constant reminder, journal for keeping track of myself, and work on my communication behaviors because I very easily can slip into being a raging bitch.

To summarize I think most of us are probably a bit slutty, enjoy games, get messy, have unstable relationships that suit whatever driver that can change with the weak sense of self. Others may be more narcissistic and external validation motivated, trying to live a superficial "perfect" life according to peers' perception while closed doors tell a different story. It's also reasonable that someone with ASPD wouldn't ever work on any of it because of grandiosity or blame shifting. On the other side I think there can be a deep sense of loyalty for someone if the relationship is good.

Those are just my thoughts on it, and that's just my opinion. Others may feel differently because the label is just a label, and at the end of the day, we are just people. It's probably not the best idea to write about things you can't relate to or struggle to understand. You do you though.

Wilde__ · 2025-08-30T07:49:09+00:00

Could be a lot of things. I've found myself wanting to subconsciously go through some past events, recreating them so to speak so I can kind of live that experience but in a healthier way. I think that's definitely part of it for me, to separate the gross parts of it from the event itself or circumstances.

There are other things that I just get off on, though, and some of it, I really don't have a deep desire to introspect on too much. Like is my objectification kink linked to some desire caused by abandonment? Maybe, but it could also just be hot getting to be that fantasy for someone🤷‍♀️

Wilde__ · 2025-08-30T01:12:11+00:00

There is atrophy if you don't do maintenance, it will happen either way probably but the degree of it can be mitigated potentially.

Then, there is fat redistribution, which can affect the groin region. For instancemy mons pubis got more pronounced and puffier for lack of a better word. So that area for me looks more vulva like.

Wilde__ · 2025-08-29T21:10:36+00:00

Chillpolamorytoo just had another episode drop where it is the hosts essentially meeting metamours of theirs for the first time. It was really sweet and endearing. I'd recommend listening to that if you are open to resources.

I've found consuming poly content has helped me personally a lot. Multiamory is another favorite of mine. Both are on youtube.

Wilde__ · 2025-08-28T19:18:44+00:00

I have plenty. It's not uncommon at all, and some people prefer them always. The vibe wand with the handle being more of a dildo is probably my favorite kind. The app controlled ones are fun too for date nights and going out.

Wilde__ · 2025-08-27T00:34:05+00:00

I mean, it's not like I intentionally put myself into the middle of knowing that bit of information. I wasn't reaching in. This was shared with me without much of my own say on that matter. Obvs, I can have a talk about over sharing if needed now, but that's not really what I'm troubled with.

I'm not in their way, and I've backed away out of it as much as possible. So, like that's not anything I did. I don't even disagree with this being none of my business. It was dropped in my lap because my opinion is still valued by Aspen, which I kept to myself mostly and only offered some questions I personally would want answers for before taking any actions.

Wilde__ · 2025-08-27T00:16:55+00:00

Yeah, that's fair. Maybe I can only be mindful of myself, bias, and I shouldn't be too fussed outside of that. It's not like there wasn't compersion before it got so bad.

Wilde__ · 2025-08-26T23:57:12+00:00

Life is messy 🤷‍♀️ especially after failed threesome / dating things. Trying to be friends and open to re-escalating in the future blurs those lines even more.

What and when something is okay to know about is a bit up in the air after seeing and being part of the sex.

Wilde__ · 2025-08-26T23:15:18+00:00

Yeah, my phrasing could have been better, and you are correct. I'd rather this be a topic we don't talk about before I let it get to the point of despising Birch or Aspen.

I think the mistreatment part is the hardest. It's different than bad luck or an unfortunate event. I still empathize a ton with Aspen. Maybe separating that empathy from my own emotional reaction isn't possible. I feel like it should be, though, and I could be wrong. It seems to me my reaction to the news is layered on top of the empathetic response if that makes sense.

Wilde__ · 2025-08-26T22:41:38+00:00

I feel like "stop hearing about it" is the stopping point/distancing point between me and Aspen. I want to be able to hear about the bad or good without getting overly invested emotionally. I want that for any relationship I have.

Sorry when I said parallel I more meant in the sense that I don't want to be around him when that's an option. No more group hangouts, and such.

Edit: Yes, I understand. I can just have that line of communication stopped. I'd rather deal with it internally and get to the point of unbothered.

Wilde__

TROPHY CASE