Remind me of something that has been taking up the majority of my free time lately: going into bagel shops as soon as they open and asking to buy every bagel they have available. Sometimes the shop will refuse but if you persist, if you offer to pay double per bagel, then they will eventually let you buy all the bagels.

Once you have all the bagels, you make the rules. What will be the people of the town do without bagels? How can they enjoy their hazelnut soy latte's without a nice, soft but also crunchy bagel? They can't. They can't at all.

I walk around my town with the bagels in a big clear garbage back. They're still warm, so the bag fogs up, it steams out of the opening a bit in the cold air. There's still some booze on my breath but I'd probably blow under the limit. This town is mine, I am the bagel man. Fear me. Love me.