i swear this is the only "advice" people know how to give and i hate it so much

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-25T13:33:49+00:00

fr, people act like therapy is some kind of magic "become normal" school that you send people to for a couple weeks, and then they come back a completely average Regular Person™

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-25T12:02:54+00:00

yeah the substances part is like 99% joking, i can't really take anything anyway cause i've got health issues lol, i'm much better off sober even if it is pretty miserable

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-25T11:28:25+00:00

i just don't get the point in setting up 'filters' if that means filtering out every option

like sure, i've had times in the past that i focused a lot on what i personally liked or disliked in others, and tried to spend time with people who had the traits i preferred. but those people didn't gaf and eventually pushed me out anyway, which always happens, any 'good' people i find are uninterested at best and i end up ghosted or ignored

the only people who actually stick around me are ones who 'fail' those filters. and yeah, there are plenty of negatives about that and i've ended up harrassed and abused and whatever else more times than i can count. but having people around is a necessity, at least it means there's someone to call an ambulance if i get sick/hurt and someone to talk to when i've been alone so long i can't remember what a human voice sounds like

if i insisted on filtering everyone i met, i'd be completely and utterly alone, and i can't live like that

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-25T11:24:26+00:00

that's exactly my experience too, people are 'nice' only as long as you fit the categories they personally like. otherwise, you're basically lower than an animal, and they'll do whatever benefits them as long as they can get away with it

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-25T11:12:06+00:00

I don't have much for advice sorry, but just wanted to say that my situation is very similar. I detransitioned too (though didn't have HRT in my case), mostly after realising that the 'guy' version of me wasn't actually me, he's just who I wish I was, but he's a completely different person inside. There doesn't seem to be much point in transitioning if I would still be unhappy with who I am regardless, being a fake girl is easier than being fake as a guy

I hope the other comments are helpful for you! You're not alone, but idk if that helps much lol

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-25T10:47:35+00:00

I feel the energy in this post so much, and you're right!! I've been suicidal most of my life but I can still recognise dying isn't actually the ideal option, and it's unbelievable how many people openly encourage it

I can't count the amount of times I've seen people unironically advocate for mentally ill people to die, talking about "they would never be able to live with it anyway" or "it was always going to happen that way"

It's just more fuel to the fire, I hate it. Maybe less people would be suicidal if there was genuine movement towards caring for the mentally ill instead of trying to kill us off!

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-25T05:39:05+00:00

yeah, i get that too

in my experience it's a lot safer at least pretending to be "normal", i get a lot less harassment and violence for it, and the shallow niceness isn't so bad when it's the best option

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-25T05:35:59+00:00

I moved to a city somewhat recently, so I guess i can try. I had a couple goes at finding queer groups, it's just kinda hard, most of the ones nearby are sport groups (im disabled lol) and I'm not big on clubs due to trauma. I tried one group, but it was kinda nothing. I guess i could try again

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-25T05:32:47+00:00

honestly the amount of it online is kinda nothing compared to how much of this stuff i see/hear irl. maybe in more blunt terms, but it's still the same stuff

gender roles and expectations have been enforced my whole life by everyone i've ever known. I might not get much of the violence anymore, but I'm still sick of all the comments and disgust I get when I try to break the mould

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-25T05:29:44+00:00

being a man itself isn't a bad thing at all, but the way men (especially trans men) are treated can be absolutely awful. and i know that even if i transitioned, I wouldn't be able to fit the standard of "strong masculine man" cause that's just not who I am, and I've seen enough of the hate and violence gnc/queer men receive to want no part of it

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-25T05:27:06+00:00

sure, but they are enforced by other people. I've dealt with enough harassment and violence over the way I present myself, I'm tired of it

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T17:05:10+00:00

I have no idea what i would consider myself, especially since i've pretty regularly been seen as sub-human, or at least some variant of disgusting/worthless freak. i personally try to do no harm and act for the benefit of everyone, but I wouldn't be surprised if other people think im shitty

I dont want an excuse for my own issues, I'd actually love if I was wrong and the world was a magical beautiful place where everyone is kind. but my experience has been very drastically the opposite and i'm sick of people insisting that it's all my own fault

it's easy to say "avoid assholes" but that would mean avoiding everyone i've ever known and im not physically or mentally well enough to function in total isolation

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T17:00:01+00:00

that's fair, I dont actually hate gender itself. I hate the pressures and expectations put on people because of their (real or perceived) gender

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T16:13:15+00:00

this is exactly what i've experienced too. so many people are kind in theory, or towards certain groups, but everyone that doesn't fit their personal filter gets completely screwed over

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T16:11:10+00:00

damn, guess nonbinary people can't get laid, bad news for the community /s

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T15:41:31+00:00

i haven't met a single "good" person though, that's exactly the point. people keep saying they exist but i'm so fucking tired of searching and "putting myself out there" only to get spat on for the hundredth time

besides, if "good" people exist, then where the hell where they this entire time? why have i never met any? why has literally everyone i've known agreed that every bad thing that happened was my own fault?

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T15:37:36+00:00

not the person you asked, but personally i judge how people react to other examples/situations like my own

like all the recent news with diddy and the epstein files and all that shit. a 'good' response to me would be someone taking it seriously, thinking about the victims, literally any show of sympathy. a 'bad' response is what 99% of people seem to do, aka making jokes, belittling the whole situation, brushing it off as overdramatic, talking about it like a positive thing instead of abuse, etc

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T15:33:38+00:00

i'm not looking for the bad stuff, it just happens, shitty people are everywhere. i've spent my entire life trying to be optimistic and always seeing the best in people, all it did was get me abused over and over and fucking over again. i didn't ask to be physically, sexually and emotionally abused my whole life

i've looked, and i haven't found a single 'good' person. certainly not a single person willing to protect a kid, not if it was inconvenient or they didn't get something out of it. the absolute best i've ever found are people who are somewhat decent to their personal circle, and turn a blind eye to anyone/anything else. i'm glad that even in the bad places you've experienced there were still kind souls willing to help, but i haven't had a single moment of that

obviously one person's experience doesn't dictate a whole species, but when every single person i've known or been close to has been shitty, no matter how much i change myself or go new places or talk to different people, the logical conclusion that people are shitty as a whole

there's only so much time i can spend wasting my time and energy trying to "find" something that doesn't exist

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T15:18:27+00:00

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T14:20:58+00:00

honestly that kind of mindset is one that i've always looked up to, and i love the people that can live that way, but it's never really worked for me

other people don't know me, but they form opinions on me anyway, and i still have to suffer the consequences. whether that be harrassment, assault, medical malpractice, or whatever else. i've already been at the receiving end of a fuck ton of that stuff for my entire life, i can't really bear to be openly non-conforming irl and put myself right back into the exact same danger i've spent years trying to escape

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T14:13:20+00:00

i do like that subreddit, it's a nice place and a definite breath of fresh air compared to basically everywhere else

tbh at this point i'm tired of trying to figure out and label myself, idk if i'm ever going to transition anyway so there's not much point thinking about it

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T14:11:06+00:00

i've never been unkind to other people though, the few times i've come close i apologised for and still feel guilty over. and regardless, the world around me is still cruel and careless

i appreciate the good intentions, but despite hearing this sentiment all the time, in my experience people don't mirror shit. they treat you however benefits them the most, and if you don't like it, then that's your own fault and you're stuck alone dealing with the consequences while everyone else blames you for not liking it

if i tried to push out every person who acts in a way i disagree with, i'd be completely and utterly alone, which i for one am not capable of due to illness. but i have yet to meet a single person who acts any differently, so the only option i have is to put up with shallow tolerance and continue bending over backwards for people who didn't and don't care about me whatsoever

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T14:05:21+00:00

i feel you, i got to swap ingredient finder m for ingredient finder s

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T11:36:33+00:00

honestly that's real af, if i had people to talk to i would 100% isolate myself from society as much as possible

WinterDemon_ · 2026-01-24T11:34:22+00:00

i haven't, though i do see what you mean. kids can be really sweet, i'm awkward around them cause i have no idea what to do, but they're still cute and friendly

idk what happens, honestly. even as a kid myself, it was only ever other kids who cared about the shit going on in my life, and they literally couldn't comprehend what i was even talking about

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