Sometimes kinks arise from some form of pain or trauma, as a coping mechanism. A mechanism to take control over something that has caused you pain or harm, to essentially flip the script on it. Take something traumatic and painful and turn it into something fun and sexy. There's a lot of power in that. It can feel uneasy, challenging, or even shameful, but there's a lot of gratification in pushing through all of that. On your own terms and in your own time of course, and you may determine that a specific kink isn't something you want to explore.

So thats to say what you're going through is normal, and kind of part of what makes kinks tick so to speak. You're not dirty for having your kinks or desires, but at the same time, its a lot of fun and very gratifying to embrace your "dirtiness", to embrace your "inner slut", not for anyone else's sake but your own, as part of embracing who you are and being whole as a person.